Actually there's so much on my heart & mind, I'm not sure exactly where to start.

It's always the case - a thought comes to mind, that I know will be perfect when put down in words, but the moment is always inconvenient for that, and when it does become convenient, the moment is lost.

Ok, let's start then with one of the things that has been floating around in my mind recently, and I'm sure, in the minds of many others as well - the dreaded New Year's Resolutions.

I really didn't wanna be mundane about it. Of course, there are the usual suspects like losing weight (have put on copious amounts of cellulite on my arms, waist & thighs, not that you'd wanna read about it), learning how to drive (heh), and so on. But really, when you really think and reflect on it, it's rather superficial and fruitless, ain't it? So what if I'm slim & know how to drive? Ok, the former will make me feel better about myself, but wouldn't it be lame to base my self-confidence on my BMI and fat %? And if I know how to drive, so? Driving = less walking = less exercise = backfiring on resolution #1.

Life can sometimes be its own vicious cycle.

So I got to thinking - there must be more. And my thoughts have been narrowed down to one:

What is my purpose in life for this year?

I'm not talking about something as fluffy as "oh, I wanna make this world a better place, and I wish for world peace, and that everyone would be happy, and etc etc". But something concrete, something quantifiable.

I want to know my purpose and part to play in the grand scheme of things. I don't need to know where I'll be 10 years down the road - I just want to know what I am to do and focus on THIS YEAR.

Humanly, so many thoughts and what-ifs and questions have been plaguing me, e.g. how am I supposed to do anything in my current condition? Rather, anything more, over and above my job? And yet, my job is NOT my God! Still, I know I am to be in this job in this season of my life, and thus should work at it with all my heart, as unto the Lord. And moreover, part of my management program would require me to work overseas in the second half of this year. So really, what can I do, if I seem to have to be all over the place?

I dunno, I really don't. I know that only God has the answer. My heart has been crying out, I've been searching and thinking, but it's time for me to go to the source, to the only One who can answer me.

The price to pay is to go to the foot of the Cross.