Once, a woman travelled a long distance from her village to meet Gandhi,
bringing her son along with her.

"Mr Gandhi!" the woman said. "Could you please tell my son to stop eating
so much sugar? It's ruining his teeth!"

Gandhi replied, "Ma'am, why don't you tell him yourself?"

The woman responded, "I tried, but he wouldn't listen! But I'm sure he'll
listen to you!"

Gandhi was silent for a moment. Then he said, "Come back with your son in
one week's time, then I'll do as you say."

The woman hesitated, then bowed and left, while inwardly resenting the long
journey she'd have to make back to her village, and back to where Gandhi was one
week later.

But she obeyed, and one week later she was back with her son, in front of
Gandhi.

Gandhi bent down, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Son, stop eating
so much sugar, it's bad for you. Ok?"

The mother, seeing this, smiled widely. "Thank you Mr Gandhi! I'm sure
he'll listen, finally. There's just one thing I was wondering - why did you have
to wait a week to tell my son this?"

Gandhi replied, "Because up till a week ago, I myself was still eating
sugar."

This story stuck with me - an illustration of what it means to, literally, walk the talk.

And I believe that that's exactly what's happening to me now. Why I'm in this circumstance, at this point in my life. I truly believe that God's allowing me to go through this, so that I may be molded, taught, and fully experience, before in turn sharing with others about this journey I've taken.

It was only today that I suddenly realised that God is right now answering the very prayer I have been praying for the past few years - that I may "know Him and the power of His resurrection". How may I know Him and that power, if I don't experience it? And how may I experience it, if I don't go through something that will require me to cling to Him, and rely solely on His power to resurrect what is dead in me, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually?

No wonder James, in the Bible, says to "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds." There's joy, because the outcome of these trials is always something to look forward to! Of course the process is difficult, uncomfortable, painful. I won't deny that so many times, thoughts about quitting enter my mind. Why not sink into depression? Why not allow myself to throw a party with pity? I have reason to, don't I?

But that would mean succumbing! The mind is the battlefield - that is where the battle is won or lost! Once I allow myself to sink into these negative thoughts, the battle goes downhill!

Instead, oh Holy Spirit, help me to always "fix my eyes on what is unseen". To think of only "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable"...to "if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." And only these things Lord! Guard my heart and my mind O Lord! In You I have the victory, and I am more than a conqueror through You who loves me!

Firedrills.

They used to be the welcome (albeit troublesome) respite from a boring (insert most hated subject) lesson during school days - the desperate ringing of the shrill alarm bell was sweet music compared to (insert most boring teacher's name)'s incessant droning.

I can't remember the last time I went through the exercise...was it during secondary school? Anyway, all I recall is that they always made us gather in the school field to take attendance.

Question: what if the school field caught fire? Where would we gather? Should there be a Plan B venue? And what if Plan A and B venues caught fire? Do we stand on the road? Run home? ...

Of course, being the typical Singaporean student, I kept these musings to myself.

Then today it happened, at my office building.

This morning I was greeted by a sign that said "Fire drill today".

Hmmm.

Didn't think much of it till I received an email from HR telling us all to "take the fire drill seriously".

Hmmm.

Then it started to rain cats & dogs & elephants & whales. I tried looking out of the window - it was a sheet of black. I couldn't even see the road; the rain was a shroud of dark water that enveloped the building. So I thought (as did the rest of my colleagues) that the firedrill would be postponed.

After all, how ironic that the building would "catch fire" amidst such a downpour.

Till I received an email from HR saying that "if it rains, meet in the front walkway".

(I thought a more plausible plan would be "if it rains like this, open the windows to put out the fire." But hey, what do I know?)

Then I assumed the walkway was OUTSIDE the building, though it seemed awfully small to contain all of the building's inhabitants.

Hmmm. Whatever. Carried on typing away.

Till I received a call from my manager informing me that "the firedrill will start in a few mins (insider info, you see), and you might want to take the lift down first before it gets shut down, and thus avoid the stampede in the stairway."

Good idea. Anything to get away from work, right? :)

So me and a few others giggled our way down to the walkway, and waited for the alarm to ring, and the other unfortunate souls to climb their way down.

We waited for 30 mins. No alarm yet.

Hmmm.

So we went to grab coffee. Might as well not waste the time standing around eh?

We went to a nearby coffee house, and found it surprisingly crowded, though it was mid-afternoon on a weekday. And the customers were mainly white-collared too. We learnt something today - teabreaks are quite the norm among other office staff, which bodes well for the 'workaholic' Singaporean.

We had a good time sipping our kopi and chatting away, and then one of us got an SMS saying that the alarm finally went off. By then it was 45 mins since we'd left the building.

We decided to stay put and sip our coffee a while longer - people take time to climb down the stairs, you know.

Finally, a good 1 hour since we left the office, we headed back to the walkway to take our attendance. Just in time too - 5 mins after putting our names down, we were told we could go back to our office.

If only firedrills were this fun. Though I did have one question:

What if the staircase caught fire?

I went on a shopping spree yesterday morning and bought:

• The Broker by John Grisham
• Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason
• Chicken Soup for the Christian Woman's Soul

And then went on a reading binge, finishing The Broker by the afternoon, and Rule of Four before 12 mn (felt better than just sleeping the whole day away).

The last time I immersed myself in such reading was when I was in Sweden with the winter as company. Since then it's been mainly newspapers and magazines, the fast food of intellectual fare.

Ah, it felt good.

And then I realised that I've actually read the 3rd book before; my Mum has a copy.

Heh, I need more gingko.

So next up - Memoirs of a Geisha, which I bought some time ago but haven't gotten around to reading. I do want to read it though, before I see the movie in the cinema. Reading the story (with the scenes played out in my own head) just won't be the same as watching someone else's interpretation on screen.

But I reserve my comments till I've seen the movie lah.

I just came back from a wedding held in Seletar Reservoir.

Yep, unique huh? Apparently CNA thought so too, cos they sent their camera-crew down to tape the event! (I think it was shown just now on TV at 6.30pm. Wasn't back by then though).

I really enjoyed the wedding though. Casual setting, no stiff-necked-black-tie, but more boho-feel, dress code: flip flops (!), open air by the waters, everyone relaxed and themselves (rather than all stuffy in a stuffy suit or dress). It was a bit sweltering this afternoon though, given Singapore's humidity.

But no matter. We all loved the wedding, because we love the couple.

(this was taken some time back before the actual wedding)

Congrats Mr & Mrs Roland Tan!!!

And oh by the way, guess what awaited me on my bed on my return from such a beautiful wedding -

A. Brochure. From. SDU.

God has such a sense of humour ;) But well, shall not get all 'despo'. Believe the right guy is out there, God-ordained, being prepared for me just as I'm being prepared for him. Right time, right season will come, in His good plan and will.

So for now, treasuring and enjoying the gift of singlehood, not to say that I'm not anticipating the arrival of the gift of couplehood in good time.

And I know God reads my blog ;)

One of the (more unpleasant) side effects of my condition is low T3 output (ie low thyroid activity) = lowered metabolism = weight gain.

Seriously, I'm struggling to fit into the pairs of pants that were actually kinda loose just a few months ago. On careful analysis, seems like the weight gain is concentrated in my waist & thighs, and yes, it shows up on my face too (the first place I put on weight at).

Ok, lest this is dismissed as yet another female-rambling-dangerous-territory-for-men-to-get-involved whining, bear with me a while more.

I've actually been thinking about this quite a bit. This whole "I-know-I-am-fat-even-though-no-one-else-says-so" syndrome that women can never get away from. Have gone around asking a few male friends, and they just can't comprehend why women keep saying they're fat, cos guys seldom notice it anyway. I read an article about "briderexia", where the bride loses weight drastically just before the wedding to look good, and the grooms interviewed all mention that it was never their idea in the first place - the bride was the one who mooted it, and the guy thought, hey, if it makes her happy...

So why do we keep obsessing about weight? Is it really a girl thing, something wired in our head? Do women in cultures where fat is deemed beautiful think about losing weight?? If not, then are women bashing ourselves inside out (bingeing, purging) & outside in (extreme exercise, slimming programs) just to conform to the standards of society?

Are we women that superficial to the point we make ourselves miserable?

I wonder what would happen if I were to hit the streets and ask women if they'd rather be 1) thin and sickly or 2) fat and healthy.

Tough one, eh. Most would probably, in front of me and their friends, choose Option 2, but inside think, nah I'd rather be Option 1.

Of course, in an ideal world, everyone would be Option 1.5 - Thin & healthy. But that's in an ideal world of the average woman looking like a Barbie (read: fat hope).

As for me, if I were to be real honest with myself, I would have chosen Option 1. But now, feeling the way I am today, all I'm aiming for is 2b) healthy. And if being fat is part of the package... I'd say, so be it, with a cringe and a smile. Cringing because nobody likes to be fat, but smiling because I know I am loved nevertheless.

As for a future husband, well, God will take care of that (my hubby'd better love me, fat or thin, don't want to have to go for any slimming program after I've given birth).

Today, Life! quoted Sarah Jessica Parker as saying this about her son's vocabulary:

I've forbidden the word "fat" because I don't like the way it's used and I don't want him to ever use that word.

I always knew Sarahs were wise women ;)

The battle was so strong this morning.

I've always felt that I was above depression and pity-partying, but this morning proved to me that "no temptation has seized (me) except what is common to man". The thoughts in my head were crazy, irrational, and haunting, and the burden within me, oh-so-heavy-laden. It's inexplicable, unexplainable.

I battled with the sinking feeling all the way to the office. Sat down at my desk, the smile on my face and the cheery hellos to my colleagues masking the storm within.

I opened my devotional book, like I do every morning, took out my foolscap paper, and started to pour my heart out.

It really took a decision to be like David - to choose to praise & worship Him despite how I'm feeling. Here I've come to appreciate the power of memory verses - as I cried out, verse after verse of God's promises (which are Yes and Amen and independent of how I feel or how faithful I am or what I do) spilled from my pen.

I praise Him for He is good. He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter how I feel; He's independent of that. This battle is not for me to fight, for it belongs to Him. And what's even better is that He has ALREADY won! It's not for me to struggle anymore, cos I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus!

The more I declared His word, the more a sense of peace started to descend on me. As I presented myself to Him as a prayer request with thanksgiving (thanking Him for fearfully and wonderfully making me), a peace that transcends all understanding began to guard my heart and mind in Him.

And as I was writing to Him to "teach me His ways that I might walk in them", it was as if someone turned up the volume of the radio that was already switched on to 88.3FM in the office (though nobody touched it), and the song that was playing suddenly entered my consciousness -

Amazing Grace - in Mandarin.

The amazing thing is, I'd never heard that version of it before. But no matter. Even if it were sung in Mandarin or any other language, the melody sings the lyrics in English to my heart:

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see..."

The song ended there, but that line was enough.

Thank goodness my table-mate hadn't come yet, or else she'd seen the tears that fell from my eyes.

Truly, it's His grace that saved a wretch like me, and truly He is teaching me to walk in His grace.

I was once unworthy, now made worthy by Him - and never worthless, for I am loved by an awesome Papa God.

In less than 22 hours I'll be on a plane to KL, and in less than 24 hours settled into the Hilton in KL for my FMP course part 2.

But I'm honestly having mixed feelings about it, cos of the toll that travelling takes on me. Somehow you don't feel it, but yet your body just feels so so tired on reaching home after a bout of going overseas and back, no matter how much rest was obtained during the trip.

And I do wanna go to church this weekend!

Need His enablement and strength so so so so much.

But really must thank God for surrounding me with so many people who have soaked me in their love and concern. SMSes, emails, tagboard msgs, MSN msgs... & I just received an email from a church friend, containing photos which my youth in church took of themselves for me to look at! So cute hor... I miss them so much too.

Well, this lesson in trusting in Him may be longdrawn, but it sure is reinforcing! :) Truly learning what it means to be content in every situation.... in both the busy and the quiet.

Simply because He's here with me, always.

I want my Papa!

God's got such a sweet sense of humour.

Today I had to stay back in office later than usual to participate in a conference call which started at 6pm. It ended close to 7pm, and I thought of staying back a little longer to finish up on some work (you know how it is when you get started on something and you don't want to break your rhythm when you're halfway doing it).

Then, mysteriously, JUST after the conference call when I opened up the Excel sheet to continue my work - my laptop started to hang. It was so bad that the whole 'end-process-via-Task-Manager' didn't even work, and I had to manually shut down the laptop.

Took it as my cue to STOP and GO HOME (He's clear that way) :)

But really, it's just been another day of divine sustainence. Amazing when I reflect back on how I sensed His hand upon me and in all that I was doing, giving me the insight and ideas that I need (that couldn't have come from blur ol' me), the strength and the focus to get through the day. Sometimes it's so easy to take these little things for granted. But life itself - to live and breathe - what a privilege and blessing!

My Tax Head just came back from Beijing where she had a conference, and she was telling me she had gone to a church there with a friend. Only foreigners were allowed to go to the church, and 50% were European while the rest were foreign Chinese. Does gel with the many other stories I've heard of the persecution against Christians that still takes place in China today.

To think that so often we take for granted the religious freedom we have here in Singapore.

It's such stories that remind me that life is all about perspective, problems, what we define them to be.

To be able to live this life and breathe this breath, for one more night and one more day. What a blessing!

I wanted so much to go to church today.

But woke up feeling feverish, bloated, weak & headachy. I know what my parents would say to that... so sent out the SMSes of accountability and settled back into bed.

Ok obviously the first reaction is to feel all 'woe is me' and 'argh' and frustration and all that comes along in the package of a pity-party.

But hey, do I have to go to church for me to set my eyes upon my Papa? No right?

So now I choose to smile up to Him like His radiant lil' daughter ;)

And just spend the morning in quiet reflection, in stillness - to KNOW that HE is GOD. And to just enjoy communing with Him on His lap.

Mmmm :)

Actually there's so much to be thankful for:

• Divine favour at my workplace with bosses & colleagues
  (it's divine because it blows my mind. I can't be THAT well-liked in the natural. Maybe that's why He gave me a baby-face to offset my loud & assertive tendencies. Papa sure knows best :))
• Divine fruitfulness in my work
  (somehow I manage to get my work done so quickly and efficiently it scares me. Because it can't be natural. I'm sure not complaining; it allows me to go back early to rest without having to bring work home, which is crucial during this period especially. God is good!)
• Loving parents
  (who have been feeding me well with chicken soup, fish soup, etc...)
• And more opportunities to spend time with them
  (I think I've been running around so much the past couple of months that I come home tired and in no mood to talk. Needless to say I've neglected this part of my life too much. I'm glad for God's grace in giving me this '2nd chance' to get this 'house' of mine in order before I can even seek to help other people with theirs.)
• Awesome youth
  (who have been rising up to hold the fort for me during my absence, who've been sending me SMSes of prayer and encouragement. Love and miss them so so much.)
• More time
  (to read, to pray, to reflect. It was prophesied over me a few years back that God would place in me a spirit of intercessory prayer. These few days, this 'spirit' has begun to 'manifest' itself, bringing to mind things that are happening, and leading me to prayer to ask God for further insight into these matters. Like PAL said to me, sometimes we need to stand on the outside to have a better look at what's going on in the inside. It's an honour, then, to be a gatekeeper / watchman for the Lord!)

And more recently, I've seen His hand at work and bringing to life the verse: "A man may plan His way, but the Lord directs his steps." The following sequence of events canNOT be mere coincidence...

Before Thu 29 Sep

Email #1 said that, as an FMP, I was to fly into Kuala Lumpur on Thu 29 Sep to attend a SEA-FMP roundtable session with Keith Sherin (GE CFO) from 3-4pm, and then fly back the same day. The SEA FMPs were also specially invited for the Malaysia Townhall Meeting with Jeff Immelt (GE CEO), which would be from 4-5pm. Normally the Townhall Meeting would be reserved for the country's own employees only, but the SEA FMPs from outside Malaysia have been given special concession.

I said, "Ok" and arranged my flight out of KL. The only available flight was at 7.30pm, and the one which I wanted, the SQ flight departing at 6.50pm, was fully booked, and I was put on the waiting list.

Email #2 said that I was cordially invited to the Singapore Townhall meeting at 10am on Fri 30 Sep.

I said, "Ok" as I wanted to hear what Jeff had to say, particular to the Singaporean context.

Email #3 said that FMPs were to prepare questions to ask Keith at the Malaysian roundtable.

I said, "Ok" and submitted my question for clearance.

Phonecall #1 said that my flights have been confirmed, and I got a confirmed place on the SQ flight at 6.50pm after all.




Thu 29 Sep

I spoke to the other FMPs who had alot more experience on travelling in Malaysia, and they said that with the traffic conditions at 5plus, it was very tight for me to make it for my flight at 6.50pm. The rest had chosen the later SQ flight that departed at 9plus.




I also found out that I was one of the 2 FMPs from Singapore (out of 8) who were given invitations by the GE businesses to attend the Singapore Townhall - meaning it was a privilege to have that option of attending EITHER Townhalls!




At the roundtable with Keith Sherin, because time was tight, I was one 'hand-raised' too late to pose my question to Keith.




I decided to give the Malaysia Townhall a miss and attend the Singapore one the next day, so that I won't have to rush for my flight. I took my time in getting to the airport, and even got to buy some snacks along the way for my brothers, before reaching home at around 8plus. The rest would only get home around 11.




Fri 30 Sep

At the Singapore Townhall, I got to pose my question to Jeff himself.




So, to sum up:
1) I got to ask my question (yes I know I'm stubborn that way)
2) I got to attend all the necessary GE functions
3) I didn't have to rush from one venue to the next
4) I had sufficient time to rest

God planned it all before I even foresaw what came up!

All glory to Him :)

K time for me to go rest & talk to Him in bed :)

Yes I have revamped my blog.

You know how people often do drastic things when they reach a crossroad in their life? E.g. getting a totally new haircut, changing their entire wardrobe, taking an impromptu trip to Europe?

This is somewhat like that, just perhaps less damaging and more easily reversible than a bad haircut, and less painful on the wallet than a shopping spree or trip abroad.

But it does reflect a different outlook on life now - not that I'm less 'coffee-minded' (trust me on that), but I'm more appreciative of the faith that I'm having now, and what it's all about.

This faith - a something special between me and my Papa God that nothing and no one can take away.

And that's what my whole life revolves around. Some can't understand it - amidst the pursuit of 'so much more in life' like climbing one more rung up the corporate ladder, becoming more well-known in social circles, 'arriving', why do something as 'boring' as redeeming my time with God?

But trust me again on this - there's nothing more abundant, more exciting, more fulfilling, more satisfying, more peaceful, more anything, than living a life lived for Him.

Just me and my Papa. That's all that matters.