It's weird how life is.

Sometimes you just want the time to pass so fast (e.g. during a boring lecture, when stuck on a bus with TV mobile blaring and 44 more mins of Just Kidding reruns to go, when you're so overwhelmed with projects and deadlines that if only the holidays were already here), you wish you could take the hands of a master clock and spin them forward.

But then there are the other times - when the lectures and projects are over, signaling the end of a term. Or the end of a 4-year journey where friends and memories were made in tough and tender moments.

And it was such a time today, when I finished my Strat presentation at 9.15am. Immediately a rush of relief flooded my being, but when I whipped out my digicam to take a group shot after class, the realisation hit - I won't be seeing these friends anymore, except during the taking of the exam, and then we all go our different ways. Some for grad trips, some to work, some back to school (like me, still stuck in the modified term :P).

But no more meeting at Ficus during lunchtime and hoarding the powerplug for the charging of laptops, no more laughter and passionate discourses over coffee as to how BT can compete more effectively, no more discussions on other things like life and love.

And it's not just them I'll be missing, but an entire batch moving on to the next phase of life, into different corporate worlds or different family developments (as of now, I know of 7-8 of my peers who are getting married this year alone!).

Some say it's a quarter-life crisis. Well, whatever it's called, I will miss the days of youth (not that I'm o** :P), and while I'm excited about what is to come, I will treasure the memories of yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Kopi-meter: 0.5 x + 1 x + 3 x

Can't believe it's already the end of the mid-week. The days seem to pass so fast now. But really praise God for today, it was super fruitful. Answer to my prayer during this morning's devotion :)

At least with the Strat test and Nego journal over and done with yesterday (can't believe it was only yesterday, it felt like a few days ago!), I can concentrate on my other projects. Today I had a meeting for LIB over lunch, then went for the MA workshop, then went to OCS to do the MAPP profiling test. Would be interesting to see the results for that one, i.e. what kind of job suits me, though there was a price to pay ($30!). Tonight I just cleared the Strat compiled slides too (it was actually quite fun doing it :)). Didn't expect it to take about 3 hours, but it feels good having finished all that. Tomorrow's another round of work, but I'll deal with it when it comes. Matthew 6:34. :)

Oh, the mystery of the erratic cursor was solved today too! Today it went really wacko while I was in Ficus, so I decided to pop down to CIT to get the problem solved once and for all. During my 1st trip there, the guy also didn't really know what was wrong, and sent me back after reinstalling some of the drivers. But when I went back to Ficus, I realised that the moment I plugged in the power, the cursor started to act all strange again. Figured there must be some connection there (though it definitely didn't make sense then), so went back to CIT with my suspicions that the cursor was affected by my plugging in the power, cos it worked perfectly fine when my laptop was running on batteries. And guess what? The culprit was my adaptor! The technician, on plugging in my laptop, detected an abnormal sound emitting from my adaptor, and sure enough, when he used his own adaptor, the cursor on my laptop worked fine!

Amazing how the solution can be so straightforward.

Well, while waiting for CIT to check if they can change my adaptor, I'll be using Mum's laptop adaptor for now. Thank goodness that we have the extra Fujitsu laptop in the house.

K shall go sleep now. Need the shut eye :)

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 1 x [ + ] + 3 x

Wah my calf muscles are aching like crazy...but with good reason, cos...

Planetshakers rocked Downtown East this weekend!

It was an awesome time. Nothing beats seeing thousands of youth packing the Big White Tent, jumping and praising God with all they've got...except the sight of souls filling the altar and giving their lives to Jesus!

Cos that's what it's all about - beyond the music, beyond the lights, beyond the band, the one Person who's to be lifted so HIGH is JESUS CHRIST.

And God's calling a generation who'd be willing to be passionate for Him - not just during conferences, but daily being committed to the Cross.

I believe with all my heart that the 3 days weren't days of hype with a ministry of information, but those were days of eternal fruit with a ministry of transformation!

I believe that because of the cries and prayers of young people, the nation of Singapore is gonna be so changed and electrified with the power of the Holy Spirit moving among His young people.

I believe Singapore will fulfill its calling to be the Antioch of Asia, through the spearhead of revival - today's generation of young 'uns willing to be radically consecrated and dedicated to the Captain of Hosts and Lover of Souls.

On a personal note, Synergiz! '05 (as the conference is called) was different. It was beyond emotions, beyond the spiritual high, because I wasn't riding on any. I learnt what it meant to give a 'sacrifice of praise', cos so often, even during the praise songs I'd collapse in tears. The weeks have been overwhelming, BUT God is good, and yet I will praise Him, for things both seen and unseen. And it's really by His grace that He spoke words to and through me during the weekend. So often the thoughts of just saying "Nah, I think I'll give it a miss" came, all with valid reasons, but I am so so glad that the Holy Spirit didn't let me get away with that, but enabled me to push through with the decision to make the journey down east... And it was worth it. The call has been renewed, the peace has come. Things are still tough, but I know His grace anew, and, with faith, I know and declare that His mercies are new every morning, and hence I can say I will rejoice always... And again I say rejoice!

Kopi-meter: 0.25 x + 2 x [ + ] + 2 x

V got accepted as an intern in JP M! Not only that, she was the only one accepted into the firm! She got the news during the break in class, and man, we were all so happy for her. Especially so since it's not only a job, but one she's actually interested in (as opposed to many others who have gotten jobs for the sake of doing so. A reality of life, but it's definitely a welcomed bonus to get a job that one is passionate about!). Am real glad for her, and it also encourages the rest of us who are still in the midst of the job search as well.

Had a good chat with V on the way to the busstop, and she asked me to consider a career in consultancy, which I honestly never considered before. From how she described such jobs, it does sound rather appealing though. Shall go talk to C, who is in A, to find out more about a job in this industry. Perhaps...perhaps...

Well, the Lord did reassure me during my study of DP this morning that He always backs up divine revelation with divine testimony. Though it was in the context of signs and wonders attesting the Gospel, I believe the same rings through for words of revelation that He plants into our lives, especially since God is "not a man that He should lie". Just as He came through for Abraham, against all odds, I know He will come through for me. And while I may plan my way, e.g. going for job interviews and being on the lookout for job openings, He directs my steps, i.e. what I am to do when a decision needs to be made.

Whatever it is, the Lord gives, the Lord takes, blessed be His name!

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 1 x [ + ] + 2 x

Just finished shooting off some emails for LIB, Strat and MA matters, so now taking a short break before getting onto reading "Getting To Yes" for the Negotiation journal. Much to do, but praise God, I've had a superbly fruitful evening. Now just hoping to catch up on a lot of overdue reading, especially for Strat (quiz on Tue!).

Today I went for the interview with GS. Honestly I wasn't really prepared (I had totally no clue what private wealth management was all about), and went there just as I was (with an additional slight cold). The interview process itself was an experience. Instead of just speaking to one person, as I had initially expected, 3 people interviewed me consecutively. What struck me about the 3 was that they were outspoken, confident, and a tad more aggressive than what I'm used to, but I guess that's my foretaste of the working world, where not everyone's gonna be all nice and polite and gentle with you.

After the 3rd person, I was asked to decide on whether I want to continue seeing more people, which would bring me closer to the internship position, or whether I wanted to leave it off there. Though private wealth management seems like a really interesting and challenging area that I'd otherwise love to take up, I'm not willing to spend 0730h-0000h days in the office, so I made the decision to stop the interview process there.

So I left the interview with a bit more knowledge on private wealth management, some tips on how to improve my resume, but more importantly, an awareness that I need to seriously start considering what I want to do, because I think I came across being rather unsure of what I want. Well, I do know what I don't want - a job in an accounting firm, being a lawyer, and sacrificing inordinate amounts of time that I would need for rest and effective ministry, and some say that's half the battle won. But I myself am increasingly recognising the need for me to go into specifics regarding what I do want, not just in terms of airy-fairy statements like "I like to handle projects", "I want to be part of a team", "I need to be sold out to the cause of the firm" etc. While I definitely wish to join a non-accounting firm, I'm not particular about which industry, nor am I quite sure of what kind of job I'll take up in such a company, though in all likelihood it'll be one of an accountant, at least to begin with.

So many thoughts have been running through my head since I left the GS interview. Some of them were tempting me to just take the easy way out and accept the job in an accounting firm, or to join my university as an academic. BUT that's not what God has placed on my heart the last time I prayed. And though I really don't know how exactly things are going to fall into place, especially in view that reality calls for fresh grads to work long hours in most jobs, YET I want to continue to walk by faith and claim the job that would support the ministry, and which would be an awesome testimony of God's embarrassing goodness to me. It may seem foolish, but God's wisdom can sometimes seem to be foolishness to men, and I don't want to make the mistake of using human rationalisation to fulfil God's plan for me, just as Abraham did initially with Hagar. Guess the key is to continue to be prayerful and to daily abide in the Lord, letting the Holy Spirit guide my every footstep and decision, and trusting the Lord with all my heart without leaning on my own understanding, acknowledging Him in all my ways, and then know that He'll direct my paths as He has promised in Proverbs.

Lead me on, Holy Spirit.

Kuppa-meter: 0.75 x [ + ] + 3 x

Finally found a 'breather' slot to sneak in a post. Man it's been one hectic weekend, but such an exciting one too!

Fri's BGR discussion at homecell was interesting (though I was the only 'single' on the panel of 5, which consisted of 1 about-to-married couple, and 1 already-married couple.. :P). I, for one, benefitted from hearing the other 2 couples share about how to find the right one, or rather, how you know he/she is the one. I used to think that we each had one "the One", i.e. the Soulmate, the One set aside especially for you. But now, I think God will bring along different people at different points, all which have the potential to be the One, but which will also depend on how much we're willing to work at the relationship and develop it into one that brings Christ into the centre and glorifies Him. If you ask me if I think I'm ready for a relationship right now at 22? I honestly can't say for sure. But I'll handle that step when it comes :)

Sat's youth service was absolutely power. PM shared on "Character" in a followup to the previous week's one by SL, and challenged the youth to make a decision to literally stand up and declare that "I'm willing to take up the cross". I think it's something that all of us have to say daily, not just every Sat or Sun or during a conference. It requires daily surrender, to daily die to self and let Christ arise. To daily decide to take up the Cross and follow Him, to be His fool. No one can ever reach a stage of "having arrived" - everyday requires a new renewal of mind, rededication of heart, and refreshing of spirit.

Sun's dedication service for Synergiz was timely and good, because Rev JS rightfully reminded all that the focus was to be on the Lord of the conference, not on the conference per se. King Hezekiah's "removal of the high places" should remind us that we must never exalt worship itself... Instead, we must exalt the King we worship! Rev JS also challenged us on consecration... And as the pastors went around laying hands on the youth, I believe with all my heart that something changed. It was just different from past altar calls which may have held a similiar call for consecration. In fact, I think everything this year is gonna be a milestone in Christian history, cos everything just carries a different spirit... we're teetering on the brink of breakthrough, and what we do now will count so much for what's ahead. More urgently than before, it's a "now or never". I just pray that none of us will miss it...

Mon's leaders' training was very useful. Ps KT taught on preaching, and I'm glad that some of the youths were asked to do a 'practical' by preaching for 6 mins each on John 15. Learnt quite a bit... But too bad I'm gonna miss out on E & L's preaching this morning lah... Shall try to get my hands on the video or something.

Had class from 8.30am this morning, till 3.30pm. Now waiting to go for the talk by Goldman Sachs. Tomorrow will be going down for an interview with them. Dunno what's gonna be like, but will just commit it to God and keep my options open lah. Never know what may come up :)

Hummm sometimes seems as though there are so many things to be done, in church, in uni, at home... But God has been really good, sustaining me and leading me and giving me His peace. Dunno how I'd gone on without Him. And the word that came to me on Sunday was to "prepare" - prepare for what is to come, by continuing to spend time in the Word (via Derek Prince) and in prayer. In other words, no matter how 'busy' I get, one thing that MUST remain is my time with the Lord, cos what is done in the secret determines the impact in the public.

Come, Holy Spirit, I need You - everyday.

Kopi-meter: 0.5 x + 0.5 x

Caffeine is bad.

At least that's what I read in the papers 2 days back. There's this nutritionist guy (can't remember his name) who said that we should eliminate all forms of caffeine from our diet.

But that made me confused, cos I read elsewhere that coffee is actually good for you. In fact, in a separate article, it was reported that "a study of more than 90,000 Japanese found that people who drank coffee daily or nearly every day had half the liver cancer risk of those who never drank coffee." (Straits Times, 18 Feb 2005)

So am I supposed to drink coffee or not?

Perhaps the key is moderation...but then again, the same study also found that "the protective effect occurred in people who drank one to two cups a day and increased at three to four cups." So, the maximum I should go up to is 4 cups of kopi a day, or does that depend on size and weight and race and gender?

Even the act of eating has become such a brain teaser today.

In an interesting twist to the diet saga, a 19 Dec Straits Times article headlined: "Dieters abandon Atkins method... Disciples of low-carb diet losing interest; next big craze is glycaemic index diet."

So, now we gotta purge the idea that "Carbs are bad" from our heads, and rework that into "Carbs are good, but the question is, what kind of carbs."

Whatever. I'll stick to my bread loving ways anyway :)

In other news...

My throat infection is almost gone - praise the Lord! What's left are some slight sniffles, but they'll be gone in a while. Really gotta give Him all the glory for sustaining me through the past few days, esp Thursday's presentation on Cyberterrorism, which I think went pretty well. Am glad it's over, it's one huge load off my mind, and now I can concentrate on the other projects at hand.

Mum just left for the Philippines yesterday. Wished I could have followed her. I had such a good time in Manila last year when she went over for business around the same time. I miss the awesome food and facilities at the Manila Peninsula - such luxury, I think the hotel bathroom was almost the size of my own bredroom! Plus not to mention the yummy hotel breakfast - Swiss museli, smoked salmon, assorted breads, free flow of coffee... Oooo... And of course, I really enjoyed catching up with Mum. Feel bad for kinda neglecting her over the past few days cos of the busyness of school. Well, Manila will have me next year, perhaps. Hope Mum has a good trip anyway, and that it'll be a good break for her.

K better get ready to go to church. Homecell tonight on BGR, and I'm part of the panel. Need Holy Spirit wisdom man ;)

Kuppa-meter: 0.5 x [ + ] + 2.5 x

For some reason, my cursor refused to work properly today. First I thought it was just the mouse's problem, but when I tried using the touchpad on my laptop, the cursor was also stubborn in not trailing my finger accordingly. I had to go back to using the traditional keyboard short-cuts that one could almost forget existed - commands like Alt-Tab (to switch between the various running programs), the Windows button (to access the Start menu), Alt-S (to save) etc etc. And of course, because I didn't have all available commands stored in my own memory, my functions on the computer were severely limited.

Strange enough, when I reached home, everything was fine. Humm.

The mouse threw a tantrum?

Whatever the case, today's a good day! It started with a miracle -

Last night, I went to bed feeling super horrible - feverish, headachy, sniffling… And I was telling God that I really needed energy for the next day (i.e. today), which was to start at 8.30am and end late in the evening, and was jammed packed with lessons, projects and the like. As God would have it, my QT for the day was on 2 Cor 12, about how Paul had a thorn in his flesh to prevent him from being conceited due to the exceedingly great revelations that God has been giving him, and how, in response to his call to God to take away the thorn, God answered instead that His grace is sufficient for him, for His strength and power is made perfect in weakness. I totally identify with Paul, not just in terms of personality, but even in terms of anointing and spiritual giftings. I have been asking God for Paul's mantle and anointing (double-portion of course), i.e. the gift of apostleship, and yes the revelations, which have been increasingly coming by God's grace. But because of this, the passage was such a timely reminder of the need to rely on God's grace (i.e. undeserved favour!), and that it's His grace that'll sustain me, not anything I can do on my own. And so, in my sick state, I can be so excited, for it's in weakness that His power is made perfect! So I told God, "Your grace is sufficient for me. Sustain me Lord, with Your grace."

And when I woke up - no fever, no headache, only slight sniffles, and full of energy for the day! It was such an amazing transformation that it cannot be attributed to anything else than God's divine healing and intervention and provision!

He is good lah.

It was a fruitful day too, managed to get quite a fair bit done. Am still honestly quite stressed over the many projects that need to be done, the many demands that people are placing on me, with one eye on the lookout for job opportunities, ministry, etc...

But His grace is sufficient, and therefore I will boast in my weakness - I can say for sure I feel like giving up, but only His grace and faithfulness sustains me. I may be strong, but that's only because it is He who's in me that is strong.

Kuppa-meter: 1.5 x + 2 x
(No kopi till I recover 100% :))

Throat infection.

Woke up in the morning feeling feverish (though praise God, no more gastric :)). Was downing bottle after bottle of water in the hope I'll be well enough to go for class at 12, but at 11+ decided that, with the fever still persisting, I'd better stay home, rest, and concentrate on getting fully well rather than trying to keep tahaning at 50%. So Kor gave me a lift to Corporation Clinic (now known as IM Medical Services...well, fortunately they still have my old medical records), thankfully it was open (it closes for lunch at 12.30pm, was there around 11.40am).

So like the good doc said, throat infection. Was quite surprised by the prognosis actually, thought that the ache in my throat was due to the antacids I took for the gastric attack (cos antacids can dry the throat that way). Fever was 36.9deg, not that high I think. But well, was given a course of antibiotics, along with the usual paraceptamol for the fever and headache. I was honestly considering not to start on the antibiotics though - cos I didn't want the germs to become resistant to the flu due to dependency on antibiotics instead of letting my immune system combat it (of course, I didn't take paraceptamol - that one's even worse. Didn't want it to build up in my system). But decided that I'd rather get well sooner, especially with so many things happening these few days, and so many things to be done.

Well, have been sleeping for most of the afternoon, while still drinking heaps of water. Fever still here (plus the headache), but hopefully it'll be gone by tomorrow. Don't wanna oversleep too - the feeling of the hangover ain't nice.

Good thing about being 'bedridden' is that I finally could catch up on some reading (forced myself not to touch my laptop in the afternoon, so that I won't think of my work for the time being. Stress won't help right now :)). Finished the book "Even Greater" by Reinhard Bonnke. Man it was such an inspiration, and the thing I love about it is that R. Bonnke has such a down-to-earth, personal style, you can imagine yourself there right with him, witnessing all these miracles and divine interventions. Not only so, his humility and constant acknowledgement and awareness that all power (omnipotence and omniscience) comes from the Lord simply shines through, and rather than being a book glorifying the human author, R. Bonnke effectively puts the spotlight on God - which makes it even more powerful.

Truly, I yearn for something greater, to move in the supernatural so much (as an agent of God's omnipotence and omniscience) that the supernatural becomes - super natural! And it's a lie of satan to say that that day is tomorrow - today are the last days, and God promised to pour out His Spirit on all flesh, that sons and daughters will prophesy, young men will see visions, old men will dream dreams... and we'll do even greater things than Jesus Himself did. And I believe that day is NOW! So impt to keep both eyes fixed on what is unseen, for those things are eternal... to see beyond the now into the future, to see beyond the earthly into the heavenlies, to see beyond the physical into the spiritual!

Alrighty, shall go prepare for uni tomorrow, and then go spend time with Him.

It is well!

Kuppa-meter: 0
(give body a break from caffeine till I recover :))

Have just finished doing a round of editing for the IT Law report on cyber terrorism. 6,700 words! But it should be fine, just hope that we hit the main points and address the issues involved. Wonder how we can creatively present it on Thursday during class... maybe bring up the recent lenient punishment on Bashir to 'stir up' sentiments (I mean, just 30 months??).

Anyway, don't wanna go into a huge political debate just before going to bed ;) Am still feeling rather bloated, but better now as compared to yesterday. Think the Yakult I drank just now helped too. Took some antacids this afternoon, but they made me so thirsty, so think I'll try to do without them, and just eat carefully but regularly. R was sick today too, down with fever. Humm must continue to cover the comm in prayer, believe that this goes beyond just the physical. So many things happening now, but like the Word that was released during service today says, God puts us through the fire not to destroy us, but to strengthen and refine us, so that we can withstand the trials that are to come for His glory! And I believe that God has been recently encouraging us to just trust in Him no matter what the circumstances, and to fix both eyes on Him. Esp not to let 1) the old way of doing things; dead religion; ritualism; and 2) the 'valley of vision', myopia, distracted sight caused by looking at circumstances or people, keep us from clinging onto God, like how the Shunammite woman did to Elisha. That's the kind of desperation and brokeness that God will never turn away from or despise - in fact, He's attracted to the weak, because it's when we are weak that we can be strong in Him!

God is good :)

Just now over family dinner (steamed fish with ginger - yum!), we were discussing about the family holiday this June. I'm really looking forward to it actually, it's been a while since we've travelled as a family, and I think it's much needed, esp before Kor & I enter the working world (and leave will be much sought-after but a distant dream :P). We'll probably be going in the 2nd and 3rd weeks of June, definitely to some place cool at least (snow would be excellent!), but in June, not many places are experiencing real snow I guess. I suggested the Canadian Rockies (still had such great memories of the place when I was there in 2002), and Dad said that we could then go on to Niagara Falls even! That'll be awesome... But really, what's on my heart is that somehow our family will be able to bond, with all that's going on. While each of us treasure our independence (esp us 3 children), at the end the saying "blood is thicker than water" is not repeated often without reason. Will trust God at His Word meanwhile, that "Christ is before all things, and in Him all things hold together".

Hmm think it's chicken soup time. Shall go to bed early today. Long week ahead, many things to do... but God is good, and His mercies are new every morning, and ain't it great that He actually calls those who are weary and heavy-laden to go to Him, so freely and without condemnation? He asks us to cast our cares on Him, because He cares for us... and while I'm reluctant to release my burdens on anyone else, I know that He is more than able to bear them on my behalf.

Man, it's great to serve and love a God that loves and lives!

Kuppa-meter: 1 x [ + ]

It is perhaps somewhat ironic that my first post in the 'kuppakopi' is composed while I, the self-confessed kopi addict, am sipping, not kopi, but green tea.

Let me explain myself.

Firstly, it's 7.50pm. Coffee-crazy as I am, I'd much rather choose a good night's sleep over a shot of the dark liquid. So you can say that I'm a kopi addict by morning-mid-afternoon, and tea lover by evening-night. Traitor? Whatever. I'd like to think the 2 drinks are not rivals, but complements. One energises, the other soothes. One shocks, the other calms. One's 'heaty', the other's 'cooling', yang-yin, etc etc, you get the point.

Secondly, my stomach's bloated. Nay, not from coffee (and I don't think it'll do much to alleviate the 'wind'). Not sure from what actually. It started yesterday, as I was heading to church. Felt like I was pregnant with a 4-month year old baby and experiencing way too premature birthing pains (thank goodness for baggy tshirts). The 'cramps' got pretty bad, so curled up in bed when I got home. Managed to sleep, but the pain was still there in the morning. PM drove me to see Dr L (one can never overappreciate a pastor), and I was told I was having a gastric attack. Humm I never got it so bad before though. Maybe partly due to the unprecedented stress I was having this week, leading to overactive gastric activity in the gut...

But well, all's good. Just means that I got to catch up on much needed rest, as well as finally get this blog up and running! Have been wanting to restart the posting activity ever since I came back from Sweden, but it's been so mad trying to get back into the ever fast-paced Singapore marathon that I need a gastric attack to slow down. Not good lah - must learn to prioritise and pace myself. Don't wanna be ineffective when the time becomes crucial...

Still, I'll say, IT IS WELL!

Kuppa-meter: 1 x [ + ]