With the request from a friend (Hi, R :)), I shall make it a point to document my "brain-fast"...

(Oh my you won't believe it, my tax prof just called me on the handphone to clarify my tax questions! At 11.57pm! Eeks... but better late than never eh...)

Anyway, back to serious stuff :)

Day 3 (28 May)
It is surprisingly harder than expected. As I sat in my beanbag, yearning to take a break from NOR and IPCs, I so wanted to take refuge in the Life! section, or at least whip out TODAY to take a look at the day's headlines (as well as Mr Brown's witty commentary). But instead, I grabbed hold of Peter Youngren's You Can Receive Healing Today, as well as John Maxwell's Be All You Can Be. And it was like God speaking directly to me - every single word hit! And what better way to be refreshed, than to hear Him speaking to you at your point of need. Once again I thank God for the Holy Spirit, my Comforter and Friend, who truly works in ways I never expect.

Day 4 (29 May aka Today)
Have never felt the attacks on the mind so acutely as today. Not just with thoughts of reading the secular (today's Lifestyle! was mocking me from my kitchen), but with a deluge of negativity. I'm just beginning to understand how the mind is satan's stronghold. I dunno if I should feel scared or privileged to be attacked so - cos satan won't bother with those that aren't a threat. So, in a sense, I must be doing something right. And yet, the Word does warn us to "be careful if we think we're standing firm, lest we fall".

And to be honest - I succumbed, twice.

And now I rest in His grace, thoroughly ashamed, made more fully aware of my weakness, and of His unmerited favour towards me in saving me this wretched soul. Yes, I'm wretched, once lost, but now found, not because I did anything to deserve it, but simply because He, in His unfanthomable love, chose to reach out to me, touch me, and hold me. Closer than a friend, warmer than a father - He's my Papa God. I feel so unworthy - I choose to hide under the shadow of His wings, in the palm of His hand, in the folds of His embrace. To submit myself anew, to His renewing and His love and His peace that surpasses all understanding that will guard my heart and MIND in Christ Jesus.

Lord, I can't fight this battle alone. I need you Lord. Holy Spirit, I need Your power, to truly be an overcomer, that my victory may be testament to Your reality and goodness!

Do you know that it's physically impossible for a pig to look up into the sky?

Hence the phrase "wallow in self-pity".

The cure: look UP!

Kopi-meter: 2 x + 1 x

Today I start on my 40-day fast.

Fast not in the conventional (from food) sense, but in the intellectual, thought-life sense.

But a fast from all the literature that I normally take refuge in, i.e. 8 Days, TODAY, Life!, Lifestyle, ST pullouts, magazines, etc.

In other words, the only real reading I'll do will be of the Bible and of Christian literature.

The fast also extends to music - only Christian music.

For the next 40 days (ending on the momentous 4 July :P), I'm going to seek to 'renew my mind' and soak in only His thoughts, His ways, His voice, Him.

Call it "intellectual detoxification" if you may. Am quite tired of always responding in a knee-jerk way, to circumstances and surroundings. No more.

Instead, my foundation is God. My direction and guidance to my actions are not based on what I see, but based on faith, on solely His leading and guidance, so that even if it may be foolish in the eyes of man or religion, it is God's wisdom, and that's what I want.

So today is Day 1. I chose not to bring out TODAY or the Urban pullout from ST. And perhaps, it's somewhat apt that I'm choosing to do this on the day that 8 Days comes out. To start off with a break from the normal routine of sinking into my bed with the mag and immersing in the world of gossip and of the stars.

Yah, seems harmless. But satan's strength is subtlety.

So, my 'input replacement', besides the Word, is this book "The Jesus I Never Knew" by Philip Yancey. Am really looking forward to this journey of discovering who Jesus REALLY is and how He's REALLY like. Pretty timely, too, that I'm going to Israel in June. Nothing beats seeing where Jesus lived and walked, firsthand. Brings a whole new perspective to what I read in the Word.

Really don't want my walk to be founded on a stereotypical image or 'statue' of who I think Jesus is like, but from afar. I want to get into His shoes, to feel His feelings, to know how and why He made certain decisions and did the things that He did.

I want to know Christ. Holy Spirit, open my eyes, that I may truly see.

Kopi-meter: 1 x

It's so good to know we never walk alone :)

But seriously, without Him in my life, walking by my side and holding my hand in the good and the bad, I really dunno what I'll do. When I want to share my joy with someone, He's there. When I need assurance, He's there. When I'm stressed and need to talk to someone, He's there. Whenever, wherever, He's there. Always there. Talk about boyfriend? He's even better, cos He's around 24/7, 365! How to live without Him? Unfathomable. He is the reason for my being. The only One who can truly satisfy my longing for intimacy. He loves me for who I am not what I do, and He's the One that gives me true value and worth as one loved oh so deeply and truly by Him.

To have Him as my Abba Father, to be His precious child. That's all I need!

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 1 x

1.5 hours of pure tax computation just over. Phew. All for a 10% portion of the grade. But well, the little things do count still :)

Just realised that I haven't posted in a while - can't believe how hectic it's been, even though the normal term's over! But it is a good time of catching up on other important matters :)

Yesterday was Dad's 60th birthday - 050505! Way cool eh? And yes, it does coincide with Disney's birthday celebration too - wah Disney commemorating my Dad leh hehe ;) Anyway, we did a simple birthday video for him as a family (in my research for the video, I found out so many things about the year 1945. For instance, it was the end of WWII, and was the year F.D. Roosevelt passed away, as well as the year oral penicillin was developed!). But most importantly, I believed he liked it, and will treasure it a lot :)

K, gonna go rest abit before preparing for tomorrow's youth service. It's gonna be another deeper level of knowing Him!

Oh, one last thing - I'll be going to Israel with my elder brother! Yeah! Really can't wait for that... Aside from being a good break, I believe it sure is going to be eye-opening :)

Kopi-meter: 1.5 x + 1 x