Strange how shopping sprees come in phases, itemised.

For a period, it was movie rental. I'd consume about 2 movies per night, after having come home from work. The couple who owns the video rental store near my place already knows me by face and customer card number and the movies I've rented.

But for now, it's novels. Christian fiction to be precise. And yet, it's not entirely fiction, what is written in the books. I've discovered Ted Dekker, and his books have been like parables - illustrating Christian truths in ways only stories can. I'm beginning to understand the might of the pen, sometimes even more powerful than moving pictures which tell only of one man's interpretation to a written tale. I've been consuming his books ravenously; on average 1.5 books per day (cos the other 0.5 gets carried over to the next day). So far I've read 8 of his books, leaving me with only one more of his written works to polish off. Looking forward to dropping by MPH tomorrow to pick it up. I think my room's becoming somewhat like a library now.

But one thing I like about the books Ted has written is that he puts God's love in such amazing light, illustrating the way God would pursue every living soul on this earth to the ends, even when each soul would probably have turned his or her selfish back on Him at very least once. Ted uses the love between humans to showcase just a glimpse of that love, and I'm beginning to realise it now. He also somehow is able to weave the reality of God and His word into the stories, bringing them to literal reality.

Besides the recurring theme of God's love, there's also the one on the reality of Jesus' miracles - how too often they are dismissed as stories, but we fail to really sit down and consider how real they must have been. Imagine if my pet dog were to suddenly speak to me in English; or if I saw the sea off East Coast Beach part halfway through... We may laugh at Bruce Almighty, but what if, what if, these miracles actually did happen today? How would the world react? With skeptism? With a wholehearted embrace of the Truth? Or simply with various factions arguing even further what WAS the Truth? To whom would they attribute the miracles to?

And yet, then again Ted reminds ever-so-gently through his prose, that no matter how amazing a miracle, "who was to say that a straightened hand was more miraculous than a healed heart"? And in a lot of ways, he's right. Perhaps the healing of a broken heart, the opening of a blinded heart's eyes was a more difficult matter than a physical healing. Esp because Satan deals best with deception, and the Bible knows this well when it tells us to "above all, guard our heart, for it is the wellspring of life". Satan knows that if he gets to the heart, it'll seep into the rest of our being.

But God continues to pursue us with love. We so often react like spoiled brats, taking for granted this Lover who chases us with His love and forgives us no matter how many times we have spurned Him with our selfishness. It's so strange - His love is a wonderful thing to remain in, yet we are so easily tempted by the trinklets of the world. We find it easier to accept the evil, but harder to accept the Truth. Easier to allow ourselves to think we deserve to live under punishment, when an abundant life is already ours for the taking. Why is it so difficult for us to accept this good and perfect gift that comes from above? Because our will is continually being tugged in two separate directions; and yet God, knowing very well we in all likelihood would reject Him, continues to give us the free will to choose.

And yet that is love, isn't it? The ability to choose. If we could not choose, we would not love.

This just came in the (e)mail. Short, sweet, simple & witty to boot! For those of us who are interested in Creation vs Evolution, this is for you.

Scopes 2005: Evolution vs. Intelligent Design
Monday, November 7, 2005

A trial rages in Pennsylvania over whether or not the concept of “Intelligent Design, ” as opposed to “random evolution, ” is an appropriate subject for high school science classes. Why are evolutionists so fearful of this ID theme?

The nation’s conglomerate of Darwinian disciples is currently in a state of panic. They are hanging in suspense, frozen in horror at the prospect that the youth of the nation might be exposed, via the public school system, to an idea that is different from that advanced by Charles Darwin, a mid-19th century naturalist from Great Britain.

It is the notion that all living creatures have evolved from an initial spark of life that accidentally generated itself from inorganic components a couple of billion years ago. No idea must even be entertained that is alien to this naturalistic concept – that “matter” is all there is, ever was, or ever will be.

In a Pennsylvania courtroom, the battle is being fought between the advocates of organic evolution and the proponents of “Intelligent Design.” The Darwinian Evolutionists maintain that the Universe commenced by accident; something came from nothing, or else “matter” simply always has been – in some form.

On the other side stands the advocates of “Intelligent Design” (ID). These are highly accredited scientists who contend that the constituents of biological life are simply too complex to have been thrown together by the “random forces” of nature (whatever those are supposed to be). Conveniently, these mystical forces may be dubbed the “Father Time plus Mother Chance” Theory.

The issue, then, chiefly is this. Should scholarly apologists for both views be allowed to advance their argumentation in the science curricula of the national education system? The Darwinist segment says, “No!” The “idea of ‘intelligent design,’” they allege, is not “science”; it is “religion,” and religion must not be taught as science.

It is curious that those who claim a modest quotient of intelligence seem to be unable to logically fathom the idea that if ID is “religion,” because it suggests the possibility of an “Intelligent Designer,” i.e., God, why it is not equally true that “Evolution,” which opts for strict “naturalism,” should not be recognized as “anti-God.” “Naturalism,” by definition, is “anti-supernaturalism.” How can it possibly be consistent to rule out an argument “for God,” but perfectly acceptable to protest “against God”? But then, one supposes, “logic” must not be allowed into the equation – for it is not science!

The Darwinian crowd insists that the subject of origins must exclude that which cannot be subjected to the scientific method, in brief – observation, verification, and either elimination or validation. Well, if one may borrow an old proverb, let’s see if the “sauce” that is good for the “goose” is also good for the “gander.”

A few years back, Science Digest published an article by astrophysicist, John Gribbin. The essay addressed the matter of the origin of life on earth. Let us reflect upon what the gentleman wrote, and evaluate it in the light of current demands that only a “scientific” view of life’s origin will be tolerated.

“Our ancestors fell to Earth from space after evolving in the warm, wet nucleus
of a comet. Single-celled bacteria developed not in Earth’s oceans but in these
cometary pools, feeding off the rich mixture of molecules present in
interstellar clouds, blowing across the galaxy propelled by the pressure of
starlight on their tiny cells and ultimately landing on our young planet.
This startling scenario, suggested by Sir Fred Hoyle of the University
College in Cardiff, Wales, and his colleague, Chandra Wickramasinghe, is part of
a new theory about the origins of life that characterizes the Universe as a vast
biological machine and comets as cosmological Johnny Appleseeds spreading the
germ of life wherever they travel” (Science Digest, April, 1981).

This is “science” at its finest hour! “None of that ‘religious’ myth stuff for us. We pride ourselves in being scientific. We want nothing to do with the ‘God’ fanatics. We are ‘Johnny Appleseed groupies!’”

Where is the “scientific” data for this “spaced-out” theory? There is not a micro-molecule of evidence for this notion, but it may be entertained in the classroom, so long as it is divorced from any religious aura.

Is there anyone, with an ounce of organized “grey matter,” that cannot see the inconsistency in the Darwinian opposition to ID? Indeed, the utter hypocrisy of it all absolutely reeks.
The truth of the matter is this. The Darwinian crowd is terrified of what would happen if intelligent people were exposed to the argumentation of both sides of the controversy. Why not lay them down, side-by-side? Why not see what the evidence actually is, and logically analyze it?
Here is an interesting question: why is it that the ID people are perfectly happy to let both sides of the argument be heard, while the Evolutionists want only their position presented in science classes? Does that not speak volumes?

The answer is quite apparent. Some while back, a “science” propaganda sheet advised evolutionists to refrain from debating creationists. Why so? Among a barrage of slanderous charges was the rationale that the creation arguments tend to make an impression on simple-minded people who are unable to appreciate the complexity of the evolutionary case.

Yeah! Like the “Johnny Appleseed” argument. All that argument needed to make it complete was the preliminary, “Once upon a time ...”

I know I haven't blogged in quite a while, but I believe this email that I just sent out today to a group of church-mates that have been and continue to be an integral part of my life sums it all up pretty well.

Here goes.

Hallo my dear dear COMrades!

As promised, here's my love email to you all... THANK YOU for meeting me at the airport yesterday. It was truly such a joy, and such a testament of LOVE.
During this season that I've been 'down', I've been sharing my progress with Ps Mark & Aunty Ayelan weekly, but this time I felt that I wanna share with you guys too (and now all you readers out there).

Initially when this physical hoo-ha started in Sep, it was a very frustrating time for me personally. More than just physical, it was a battle of the mind, many thoughts
of condemnation due to inactivity started to come in, and it really was a daily decision to keep tuning in my mind to God. but even that was a struggle. Verses that I used to speak against these thoughts felt like they fell flat, and the anguish was still there.
Yet thru it all I began to realise that God was dealing with me on a deeper level. I have a tendency to 'escape' behind work, and to think that as long as I was super involved in ministry, I'm ok, I'm alright. But my foundation, in actual fact, was shaky. God had to literally stop me in my tracks & render me 'useless' before I slowed down and listened to Him. And beginning, to be honest, I was so consumed by my own 'guilt trips' of not doing anything that I missed out on what He was saying. Then it became more and more clear, and He was showing me how deeply I'd ingrained my personality and self-worth on the wrong things - approval from man, spiritual activity. These things are good, but they are shaky foundation! I was actually putting my confidence in the flesh - my own and other people. But then God started to show
me that this period of struggle within me is necessary if I'm to progress on in my walk with Him, esp if I were to rise up to the calling He has for me. If I'm to be a true leader for Him, I cannot be basing my self-worth on the pleasure of people, becos I can't please everyone! And I'm not even called to do so, but to please God first of all!
It was a hard thing to reckon with, to admit this reliance on people's opinions. Many times it was so tempting to just 'heck-care' the rest period, and to launch back into ministry to get rid of all the guilt trips. But that would be 'a way that seems wise to men, but leads to death.' No matter how 'good' it would have seemed, it would still be escapism from the root cause. But He was opening my eyes to all that, and helped me to just dig in my heels & confront these thoughts headon. And praise God for His faithfulness, that during this period of confusion clouding my mind, He brings people to my path that have brought words like guiding posts and assurances that these things that are happening are necessary. There was a spirit of heaviness that was
hanging over me, and my dad had a vision and word about that, and I had a good talk with my parents that night when he shared with me, and that night was also a restoration of relationship that I praise God for.

And this trip to Perth. If I were to be truly honest with myself, it was perhaps a form of 'escapism' to try to get away from all the thoughts that have been plaguing me. But it's so amazing how God turns things around for good! During this time in Perth, even
though I was alone most of the time, the books I brought along to read, the devotions I have, all tie in together in one single message of TRUSTING GOD. It was like confirmation upon confirmation. And then on Sunday, I went to church service with Bel's friend, and there was a call for healing, so I went forward. Someone came to pray for me, and I felt a warm sensation run through my head (where he'd placed his hand on). After him, the young adults pastor came to pray for me. When he prayed, a series of jolts ran through my body. After the prayer for healing, the pastor then started to release a prophetic word for me, which essentially reaffirmed my call & destiny, the confirmation that this season is for my growth, and the reminder of the need to trust God. After that service, it was as if something had lifted off me. I came to Perth with a heaviness, but that has left. And I really began to experience something different in my walk with God.

It's like the song says, "everything's changed, everything is different." Everything's the same, yet everything's different. Dunno how to put it. But it's like He's given me new eyes, a new perspective, new insight on things, and most imptly, a new perspective in how I am to function and minister as a person, to stop being so 'hard' on myself & relying so much on my own righteousness and to just learn to rest and trust Him & His righteousness. For a workaholic like me who is so used to being in
control & relying on my strengths, this is really a refreshing change, and I'm believing that it'll be permanent, this peace in trusting the Lord in all things.

So if I were to summarise everything, before this season, I was burning myself out without knowing it. I was all passion, all good intentions, but planted by the wrong streams. I was withering without knowing it. And perhaps people thought I was fine and put-together. But my life was going off balance. And this season, God is bringing recovery and restoration of health not just to my body, but to my MIND, and my FAMILY esp. The 2 areas that I've neglected and dismissed all this while. He's bringing back balance to my life. And I've a feeling I know why He didn't choose to heal me instantaneously, even though He could have - He knew that I needed the prolonged 'dependence' & 'inactivity' to really LEARN & have time to RIPEN that would not have come from something instant.

I know that something has changed - and it's definitely a result of all your prayers and love. To know that I'm part of a family that loves me not for how I look like, what I do, but who I am, just as I am, flaws and all. That really really means a lot to me, really.

Thanks always, my dear fellow runners. You gave me my best birthday present of all - your agape love :)

LOVES!!!!!!!!!