The battle was so strong this morning.

I've always felt that I was above depression and pity-partying, but this morning proved to me that "no temptation has seized (me) except what is common to man". The thoughts in my head were crazy, irrational, and haunting, and the burden within me, oh-so-heavy-laden. It's inexplicable, unexplainable.

I battled with the sinking feeling all the way to the office. Sat down at my desk, the smile on my face and the cheery hellos to my colleagues masking the storm within.

I opened my devotional book, like I do every morning, took out my foolscap paper, and started to pour my heart out.

It really took a decision to be like David - to choose to praise & worship Him despite how I'm feeling. Here I've come to appreciate the power of memory verses - as I cried out, verse after verse of God's promises (which are Yes and Amen and independent of how I feel or how faithful I am or what I do) spilled from my pen.

I praise Him for He is good. He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter how I feel; He's independent of that. This battle is not for me to fight, for it belongs to Him. And what's even better is that He has ALREADY won! It's not for me to struggle anymore, cos I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus!

The more I declared His word, the more a sense of peace started to descend on me. As I presented myself to Him as a prayer request with thanksgiving (thanking Him for fearfully and wonderfully making me), a peace that transcends all understanding began to guard my heart and mind in Him.

And as I was writing to Him to "teach me His ways that I might walk in them", it was as if someone turned up the volume of the radio that was already switched on to 88.3FM in the office (though nobody touched it), and the song that was playing suddenly entered my consciousness -

Amazing Grace - in Mandarin.

The amazing thing is, I'd never heard that version of it before. But no matter. Even if it were sung in Mandarin or any other language, the melody sings the lyrics in English to my heart:

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see..."

The song ended there, but that line was enough.

Thank goodness my table-mate hadn't come yet, or else she'd seen the tears that fell from my eyes.

Truly, it's His grace that saved a wretch like me, and truly He is teaching me to walk in His grace.

I was once unworthy, now made worthy by Him - and never worthless, for I am loved by an awesome Papa God.