..just Papa & me..

End is the Beginning

2006-07-04T21:10:00.000+08:00

This post is to announce the retirement of this blog... Musings have migrated to another space.

End is the Beginning is the End :)

2006-05-19T00:39:00.000+08:00

Am typing this from my hotel room in Orlando, mainly to (force myself to) keep awake to get over the jetlag soonest. Will prob start revising for my FMP quiz in a while's time (but The Interpreter's on TV now...! :P).

Anyway. It's been a long time since I was last in Orlando...I think I was 9? I totally don't recognise it now...perhaps cos I don't remember much specifically to begin with. I find it rather surreal though, to tick "Yes" for the question "Are you here for business reasons?". It's like a checkmark leading up to the question "Sarah, are you an adult?", of which I'm somewhat in denial. Well, I'll probably have a chance to relive my childhood memories in Space Mountain in 6 days' time when I visit the theme parks after the GE conference (which is the reason why I'm here in the first place).

Ok, I think I'm rambling (and fighting a losing battle against the sandman). Even Nicole Kidman can't save me....

No, I shall keep on keeping on! Hmph!

2006-05-14T21:26:00.000+08:00

What do you give to a lady who's given not just the material, but her entire life to your wellbeing?

A book? A card? A bouquet of flowers?
Cook a meal, sing a song, write a poem?
Paint a picture, compose a melody?
Buy her the world?

Hang on - she did all these for me.

So what can I do in return? What unique gift can I bring?

That dilemna stayed with me through morning service, till God, in His divine wisdom, planted a thought, whispered a hint, and then left it to me to decide.

What do you give a lady who has everything?
TIME.

So I postponed my driving lesson (sorry, Mr Lim) this afternoon, and took my Mum on a date this afternoon. Journeyed by bus, simple meal of shrimp wanton & dumplings with Chinese tea, a short walk home. But what a date, and what words were spoken, a precious time of simply catching up, talking, sharing heart-to-heart, mother-to-daughter, friend-to-friend.

To a lady who's given me her entire life and more -

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

A MOTHER LOVE

If I live in a house of spotless beauty with everything in it's place, but have not love, I am a "housekeeper"-not a homemaker.
If I have time for waxing, polishing, and decorative achievements, but have not love, my children learn of cleanliness-not godliness.
Love leaves the dust, and goes in search of a child's laugh.
Love smiles at the tiny fingerprints on a newly cleaned window.
Love wipes away the tears before it wipes up the spilled milk.
Love picks up the child before it picks up the toys.
Love is present through trials.
Love reprimands, reproves, and is responsive.
Love crawls with the baby, walks with the toddler, runs with the child, then stands aside to let the youth walk into adulthood.
Love is the key that opens salvation's message to a child's heart.
Before I became a mother, I took glory in my house of perfection.
Now I glory in God's perfection of my child.
As a mother, there is MUCH I must teach my child,
But the greatest of these is LOVE.
(Author Unknown)

2006-05-13T00:35:00.000+08:00

Finally sent that email! Now I can go to sleep.....

Or maybe I should slack around a bit... after all, my public holiday has JUST started :D

2006-05-10T20:41:00.000+08:00

Not feeling too good today physically, feeling a bit nauseous... But am sure that sleep will help. Early night tonight (after a conference call from 10-11pm, that is).

Dad's flying to Barcelona tonight, to play golf! Haha he deserves to enjoy his retirement, am glad he's got good kaki to go with. Shall continue to pray for full restoration of his hearing though, cos it's affecting his balance. But I have the peace to know that he's well in God's hands, so no worries :)

Mid-week already, it's a short week this week actually, what with the holiday in-lieu of Election Day (non-event for me since it's a walkover for my constituency), and Vesak Day this Friday. Most likely will still have to work on Friday, but at least in the comfort of t-shirts and shorts at home, and I get to sleep in. Always the little perks that help. And shall aim to stick to my (re)new(ed) resolution to keep Saturdays and Sundays free from work as far as possible. Rest needs to be full and proper, and the Lord's day be honoured.

Will also be taking auto-car driving lessons soon too, in anticipation of my posting to the US in Aug. 2 months plus to 'chao piah'... sure hope Auto beats Manual driving by a lot, I still have nightmares about the clutch...

2006-05-04T21:05:00.000+08:00

Long time no post :)

And so many things have happened since then.

But perhaps most significantly, this week marks a new phase in my journey as a Christian. After a few months of wandering in the 'wilderness', this week my eyes have been opened to new revelations, revelations that I've never known despite (or perhaps because) of me having grown up in church and having been a Christian for this long (18 years?). It's almost like a blank page, a new beginning, a new awakening, a fresh reminder, a once-again falling in love.

Magical :)

To that note, I've also received news that for my 6-month overseas stint starting Aug (as part of my program), I've been given a posting in the US. It's a rare opportunity to be posted to the US, not given to many FMPs, and I do count it a privilege. Yet at the same time, I feel sobered by it - esp during this season in my life. I'm excited, yet sobered to know that the 6 months will be another time of development, and a real test of whether I can stand firm when I'm standing alone. Not so much the peer influence factor, but the fact that I'll be pretty much alone when I'm posted to the US, and it'll thus take discipline on my part to stay accountable. But perhaps, that's the very reason why it's timely. After all, James did say that trials produces perseverances, and perseverance, character, and character, hope. And I do want that immovable, solid foundation of a character that won't sway with the winds.

Well, now's May. One step at a time, but each step to be firmly taken.

2006-02-11T23:47:00.000+08:00

Touched down from BKK about 3 hours ago. Was there for the Kick-off session of my FMP course (Operations). 1st time setting foot in Bangkok, outside of its airport at least.

Fascinating place, Thailand. Really the land of the smiles. I felt so loved and cared for in the hotel. And the service seemed genuinely sincere, not the 'I-smile-cos-my-boss-is-looking' plasticky grins that're more common elsewhere.

Also, what a colourful place! It was there that I saw pink taxis - PINK! Taxis!
Talk about character man.

Too bad this time round I was a little too bogged down by work to really get out and enjoy the place. Was working till 1am last night doing my reports (catching all the free time I had outside of class to get stuff done). Only JUST finished sending one out. Well, this current 6-month rotation is definitely a lot different from my previous one, and a lot more challenging. Steep learning curve, for sure. And already needing to stay back late to clear work, only in my 2nd week or so into the new job. Tough, but builds resilience. Just needing God a lot to sustain me through this.

Have also been snacking a lot to destress... oh dear... almost couldn't fit into my jeans :
Time to get healthy and get moving and get the blood flow going..!

But for now - ZZZzzzzzz................

2006-01-31T21:04:00.000+08:00

I love my new business laptop - Dell D510.

Ok lah, it's not as sleek and small as my 12.1" Fujitsu, but at 14", it's still not big / chunky enough to overwhelm me.

Actually, anything is better than the model I was previously using. Not so much the model's fault, but at the ancient age of 3 (computer) years, my previous lappy was pretty much hobbling along.

It took 5 mins just to start up.
Its battery can last for a grand total of 15 minutes before I have to scramble for the powerplug.
Its keyboard is jammed full of crumbs (ok, that was my doing, mostly).
I literally counted the seconds go by while waiting for my Excel models / Powerpoint presentations / Word documents to fully open.
And I waited somemore for it to recalculate my Excel formulas.

Ah, truly a test of perseverance. In some ways, I'll miss my good ol' black lappy. After all, there's always a special place in the heart for life's 1sts, in which case, the lappy has the honour of being my first business laptop.

Still - treasure the old, welcome the new!

2006-01-26T22:34:00.000+08:00

I had a farewell lunch at Jade Restaurant @ The Fullerton today. It cost $68+++ a head, and was a 6-course meal. That means each course is about $11+++, and each bite is about $2+++!!!

Each bite can buy you one plate of chicken rice!

Sure puts things in perspective, eh?

But I must say, the quality of the food is EXCELLENT. Every bite was bursting with flavour, and it says a lot when the restaurant is PACKED during lunchtime, DESPITE the price of the meals. In fact, I was told it'd be hard to get a place there if it wasn't reserved in advance...

How much would Singaporeans, or anyone in general, pay for good food?

Definitely not meant to be part of a regular lifestyle, but for one-offs...

Definitely good stuff.

Well, tomorrow's my last day at GE Money before I move on to my new rotation next week. Mixed feelings. I've just grown comfortable in my role here, with the people I've been working with too, but I'm definitely looking forward to the stretch that the new role will provide, though I suspect I'll be spending some of my CNY poring over reports in my office laptop...

Well, just give me a cup of coffee, and I'll be ready for almost anything :)

Thank GOD for Kopi!!!

2006-01-22T20:16:00.000+08:00

Actually there's so much on my heart & mind, I'm not sure exactly where to start.

It's always the case - a thought comes to mind, that I know will be perfect when put down in words, but the moment is always inconvenient for that, and when it does become convenient, the moment is lost.

Ok, let's start then with one of the things that has been floating around in my mind recently, and I'm sure, in the minds of many others as well - the dreaded New Year's Resolutions.

I really didn't wanna be mundane about it. Of course, there are the usual suspects like losing weight (have put on copious amounts of cellulite on my arms, waist & thighs, not that you'd wanna read about it), learning how to drive (heh), and so on. But really, when you really think and reflect on it, it's rather superficial and fruitless, ain't it? So what if I'm slim & know how to drive? Ok, the former will make me feel better about myself, but wouldn't it be lame to base my self-confidence on my BMI and fat %? And if I know how to drive, so? Driving = less walking = less exercise = backfiring on resolution #1.

Life can sometimes be its own vicious cycle.

So I got to thinking - there must be more. And my thoughts have been narrowed down to one:

What is my purpose in life for this year?

I'm not talking about something as fluffy as "oh, I wanna make this world a better place, and I wish for world peace, and that everyone would be happy, and etc etc". But something concrete, something quantifiable.

I want to know my purpose and part to play in the grand scheme of things. I don't need to know where I'll be 10 years down the road - I just want to know what I am to do and focus on THIS YEAR.

Humanly, so many thoughts and what-ifs and questions have been plaguing me, e.g. how am I supposed to do anything in my current condition? Rather, anything more, over and above my job? And yet, my job is NOT my God! Still, I know I am to be in this job in this season of my life, and thus should work at it with all my heart, as unto the Lord. And moreover, part of my management program would require me to work overseas in the second half of this year. So really, what can I do, if I seem to have to be all over the place?

I dunno, I really don't. I know that only God has the answer. My heart has been crying out, I've been searching and thinking, but it's time for me to go to the source, to the only One who can answer me.

The price to pay is to go to the foot of the Cross.

2006-01-22T20:03:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I last posted. Almost 1 month now, and the 2 festive seasons of Christmas and the New Year has passed, heralding yet another time of celebration & gatherings - Chinese New Year.

But within that span of a month, so much has happened, especially work-wise. Already, I'll be entering my final week at my current rotation with GE Money come Monday, and will be moving on to a new role at GE Energy Services. I'm excited, yet anxious, and what has been on my lips in prayer is that God will help me adjust to the change. I'm beginning to fully appreciate the mark of strength of a person who's able to deal with change well, especially since change is life's only constant (aside from death, taxes, and Jesus :)). There'll be new managers, new reporting lines, new expectations, new job scope, new work hours, new office location & desk, so many unknowns. And it's inherent in every human to prefer a certain level of familiarity, I guess.

But change IS exciting, and since it can't be avoided, might as well embrace it, eh?

I just came back from Hong Kong, as a matter of fact. Spent a week there cross-training, learning about my new role. It's worlds apart from my current job scope, but that's where my interest is - a whole new area of learning and experiences!

It's all in the attitude. Something to always cling on to, especially when it's tempting to just let oneself slide along with the situation.

Meanwhile, my room is due for change soon too - SPRINGCLEANING... *groan*

So, guess what I'll be doing during my free time this week, aside from inhaling dust balls? :)

2005-12-26T20:05:00.000+08:00

Christmas time.

He was born to die.
That we may live.

As the years go by, the whole buying presents madness is becoming less and less important, somehow. I think I can almost safely say that I'll be fine not receiving presents at Christmas - esp if that's what the Season has been relegated to.

Been rather philosophical lately. Been also purposely avoiding the crowds at all major and minor shopping centres. I mean, it can get rather pointless, can't it - buying pre-wrapped presents to distribute, which in turn get recycled as next year's gifts by the other party... This year I've only REALLY bought REAL presents for a handful of folks. Does that mean I've become a scrooge? Well, cost savings wasn't really a motive. Perhaps I'm just tired of how the Season has become so commercialised, so all about gifts & fake smiles.

I'm not judging gift exchanges - I think they're great in that they DO make people feel good. Who doesn't like to receive presents, right? But perhaps more heartfelt gifts are given when it's not in season to give gifts. Gifts on a whim... somehow more precious.

But well. This year's Christmas has been different. Perhaps not in the outward, but definitely in what has gone on in the inside of my mind and heart. God knows. I mean that literally.

I mean, imagine if Jesus hadn't come into this world -

How different things would be.

2005-12-26T20:00:00.000+08:00

Am reading a book now on the life of Paul.

This man of God has always fascinated me. I see him reflected in my own personality; it's scary, the similarities. Yet so many lessons I've learnt, lessons on balancing law and grace. Not that I've entirely grasped that balance as yet, but at least I'm on the journey to, I believe.

Faith and works. Law and grace. Seemly contradictions, yet Biblically co-habiting, inter-dependent. Really need You, Holy Spirit, to bring further illumination.

The more I spend time reflecting, the more I'm realising my own foolishness, and how much I need Him in interpreting His Word. It can't be done on mere theological argument; rhema must come.

Lord, Your rhema, pls!

2005-12-18T21:52:00.000+08:00

So. I'm now in the Hilton KL, enjoying the amneties, the room, the quietude. Tomorrow's my final presentation, need to score in that one, but will take one day at a time. So far it's been a good time of rest, reading the Christian books I've brought along.

Author's Frank Peretti, and his Christian fiction works are amazing. I like the perspective he puts on things, e.g. spiritual warfare and how real it is. Finished reading "This Present Darkness" and now devouring "Piercing the Darkness". In both books, a town is ravaged by demons as the Strongman attempts to establish a hold on the territory. Angelic hosts are present, of course, but the part that has struck me most is how dependent they are on prayer to act.

I guess sometimes it's so easy to take for granted prayer, this tool that we've been given. So easy to just let our thoughts wander, and start to THINK about things instead of LETTING GO and committing them to God in prayer. Rationalisation is perhaps one of the enemy's strongest weapons. Anything and everything can be explained away. Anything and everything can be a grey area. Anything and everything can be pushed beyond their reasonable limits. Anything and everything can be both right and wrong, depending on what perspective you take.

So subtle are the enemy's lies. He knows fully well that overt deception is easily identified and hence rejected; it's in the subtleties that true warfare takes place.

Anyway I've been writing in a journal lately, my private thoughts and private prayers. I wonder if written prayers count, and yet somehow I think there's a certain power in oral confession. After all, why else would the Bible talk about needing to "confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord", not just believe in the heart alone? And then there's the exercise of the gift of tongues, the spiritual muscle. The tongue is not loosed by the finger writing.

Then what about mute people? Would they have the gift of tongues? Perhaps it'll then be in the cries of their spirit unto God.

But it shouldn't be for me to wonder if I can use their position to rationalise tongue-speaking. If I'm given the gift of speech, I'm to be a steward of it, and that includes doing the things that I've been enabled to do!

Yet, oh man, this thing, thought. Lord I need Your peace upon my mind. Oh Lord, even as I type this I say it out loud, as well as in my heart. Lord I need You, Holy Spirit, to take over my heart, mind, soul and spirit, for I do not trust myself at all. I don't trust the thoughts that enter my mind. I don't trust my humanity, cos I know how flawed I am. Yet Lord I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made by You, and that You love me, weaknesses and all. But Your Word also says that Your strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. So Lord I boast about my weaknesses - Oh Lord I am so weak! Far from being the confident person that many make me out to be, Lord You know exactly who I am and what goes on behind the scenes. And Lord I need You, You know I do. Please come and fill me anew, afresh. Renew my mind in You Lord, I need You to take FULL control. I claim Your freedom and victory in Jesus' name, from anything and everything that's holding me down, weighing me down. Help me Lord, to truly forget what's behind, casting aside all that hinders, to press on towards that which You have in store for me, that heavenly purpose that was determined even before I was born. Lord hold me tight and never let me go. Grab a whole of my heart and my mind especially. Only You know, and I put my trust in You alone. You know me inside out, You know what's best for me, You know what I need to go through at every station, every season, everyday of my life. Jesus, my Lord, Saviour and Friend - never ever let me go I pray. Keep my feet from stumbling, hold me up with Your righteous right hand I pray. Oh bless You Lord, for You are good, all the time, independent of how I feel, cos it's an unchangable fact, as real as the fingers that type this. Jesus I give You control. Take me Lord, bless Your holy name. My heart cries out to You Lord; my soul pants for You like a deer pants for the water. Bless You Lord, Your name be praised always! Amen and Amen!

2005-12-12T00:05:00.000+08:00

I've always enjoyed writing. And in the recent few weeks, I've given serious thought to writing Christian books, full-time or otherwise.

It's not that I don't enjoy my current job (note: I have NO intention of quitting!), or I don't enjoy ministry to people, not about that at all. But I've been reading so much these few days that I can't help but appreciate the power of the book in bringing out a message, Christian or otherwise.

No wonder Jesus used parables to explain what the Kingdom was all about. Stories somehow bring to life principles that seem technical and irrelevant when they stand alone.

I would love to write a book - about the reality of Jesus in the everyday life of an ordinary girl. She looks a-ok and all put together on the outside, to the world, but inside battles occur in such multitude that the mind cannot capture it all at once, or even begin to comprehend. Yes, to articulate the swirling pool of conflicting thoughts and emotions in the girl's life... Question is, will I be bold and committed enough to carry a book like that to fruition?

Lord, if You're willing, use these hands I pray. Focus my mind, channel my thoughts, calm my heart, and breathe your breath of life through me, for I need You.

I cannot stand alone.

2005-12-06T23:58:00.000+08:00

Musings on Ecclesiastes Chapter 4...

The chapter starts off by talking about the rat race of this world - how the motivation to work and succeed is often as ignoble as to win the next person - "... labour and achievement spring from man's envy of his neighbour." This never-ending competition, how can it create any contentment or satisfaction? There will always seem to be someone better than us, no matter how hard we strive. Is it worth all the striving and heartache and sweat?

The next 2 verses seem to contradict - it's a fool who "folds his hands and ruins himself", but yet it's better to have "one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind", i.e. it is better to have less than more. But is it really a contradiction? Would it mean rather that yes, we do and should work hard, but we also must learn to let go and be content when we reach a certain point? Of course, easier thought than done.

Next few verses talk about the value of companionship. The world speaks about individualism, but the Bible here is clear - "two are better than one", because we are human and hence falliable; the best of us will fall at least once. But when we do, what matters is not just personal strength, but having people around us who love us enough to be patient in pulling us up and encouraging us to keep on keeping on. It may have become a cliche, but it's still true - man cannot stand alone. We're just not created to.

Last few verses talk about teachability. No wonder Jesus said that one can only enter the kingdom of God as a child - because children continue to be open to new things. The older we grow, the deafer we get to advice, guidance, suggestions... the harder we adapt to change. It's clear here - it's not about how pure our bloodline is, what kind of circumstance shrouds our childhood or even where we are today. It is better to be a "poor but wise youth than an old but foolish king who does not know how to take warning".

I find the last verse particularly sobering - even if the wise youth were to prove himself to the people he became king to, the future generations to come may still "not be pleased with the successor (i.e. the youth)". Goes to show that it is this - striving to please everyone or prove something to everybody - that too is meaningless, a chasing after of the wind.

2005-11-20T14:25:00.000+08:00

Strange how shopping sprees come in phases, itemised.

For a period, it was movie rental. I'd consume about 2 movies per night, after having come home from work. The couple who owns the video rental store near my place already knows me by face and customer card number and the movies I've rented.

But for now, it's novels. Christian fiction to be precise. And yet, it's not entirely fiction, what is written in the books. I've discovered Ted Dekker, and his books have been like parables - illustrating Christian truths in ways only stories can. I'm beginning to understand the might of the pen, sometimes even more powerful than moving pictures which tell only of one man's interpretation to a written tale. I've been consuming his books ravenously; on average 1.5 books per day (cos the other 0.5 gets carried over to the next day). So far I've read 8 of his books, leaving me with only one more of his written works to polish off. Looking forward to dropping by MPH tomorrow to pick it up. I think my room's becoming somewhat like a library now.

But one thing I like about the books Ted has written is that he puts God's love in such amazing light, illustrating the way God would pursue every living soul on this earth to the ends, even when each soul would probably have turned his or her selfish back on Him at very least once. Ted uses the love between humans to showcase just a glimpse of that love, and I'm beginning to realise it now. He also somehow is able to weave the reality of God and His word into the stories, bringing them to literal reality.

Besides the recurring theme of God's love, there's also the one on the reality of Jesus' miracles - how too often they are dismissed as stories, but we fail to really sit down and consider how real they must have been. Imagine if my pet dog were to suddenly speak to me in English; or if I saw the sea off East Coast Beach part halfway through... We may laugh at Bruce Almighty, but what if, what if, these miracles actually did happen today? How would the world react? With skeptism? With a wholehearted embrace of the Truth? Or simply with various factions arguing even further what WAS the Truth? To whom would they attribute the miracles to?

And yet, then again Ted reminds ever-so-gently through his prose, that no matter how amazing a miracle, "who was to say that a straightened hand was more miraculous than a healed heart"? And in a lot of ways, he's right. Perhaps the healing of a broken heart, the opening of a blinded heart's eyes was a more difficult matter than a physical healing. Esp because Satan deals best with deception, and the Bible knows this well when it tells us to "above all, guard our heart, for it is the wellspring of life". Satan knows that if he gets to the heart, it'll seep into the rest of our being.

But God continues to pursue us with love. We so often react like spoiled brats, taking for granted this Lover who chases us with His love and forgives us no matter how many times we have spurned Him with our selfishness. It's so strange - His love is a wonderful thing to remain in, yet we are so easily tempted by the trinklets of the world. We find it easier to accept the evil, but harder to accept the Truth. Easier to allow ourselves to think we deserve to live under punishment, when an abundant life is already ours for the taking. Why is it so difficult for us to accept this good and perfect gift that comes from above? Because our will is continually being tugged in two separate directions; and yet God, knowing very well we in all likelihood would reject Him, continues to give us the free will to choose.

And yet that is love, isn't it? The ability to choose. If we could not choose, we would not love.

2005-11-12T10:46:00.000+08:00

This just came in the (e)mail. Short, sweet, simple & witty to boot! For those of us who are interested in Creation vs Evolution, this is for you.

Scopes 2005: Evolution vs. Intelligent Design
Monday, November 7, 2005

A trial rages in Pennsylvania over whether or not the concept of “Intelligent Design, ” as opposed to “random evolution, ” is an appropriate subject for high school science classes. Why are evolutionists so fearful of this ID theme?

The nation’s conglomerate of Darwinian disciples is currently in a state of panic. They are hanging in suspense, frozen in horror at the prospect that the youth of the nation might be exposed, via the public school system, to an idea that is different from that advanced by Charles Darwin, a mid-19th century naturalist from Great Britain.

It is the notion that all living creatures have evolved from an initial spark of life that accidentally generated itself from inorganic components a couple of billion years ago. No idea must even be entertained that is alien to this naturalistic concept – that “matter” is all there is, ever was, or ever will be.

In a Pennsylvania courtroom, the battle is being fought between the advocates of organic evolution and the proponents of “Intelligent Design.” The Darwinian Evolutionists maintain that the Universe commenced by accident; something came from nothing, or else “matter” simply always has been – in some form.

On the other side stands the advocates of “Intelligent Design” (ID). These are highly accredited scientists who contend that the constituents of biological life are simply too complex to have been thrown together by the “random forces” of nature (whatever those are supposed to be). Conveniently, these mystical forces may be dubbed the “Father Time plus Mother Chance” Theory.

The issue, then, chiefly is this. Should scholarly apologists for both views be allowed to advance their argumentation in the science curricula of the national education system? The Darwinist segment says, “No!” The “idea of ‘intelligent design,’” they allege, is not “science”; it is “religion,” and religion must not be taught as science.

It is curious that those who claim a modest quotient of intelligence seem to be unable to logically fathom the idea that if ID is “religion,” because it suggests the possibility of an “Intelligent Designer,” i.e., God, why it is not equally true that “Evolution,” which opts for strict “naturalism,” should not be recognized as “anti-God.” “Naturalism,” by definition, is “anti-supernaturalism.” How can it possibly be consistent to rule out an argument “for God,” but perfectly acceptable to protest “against God”? But then, one supposes, “logic” must not be allowed into the equation – for it is not science!

The Darwinian crowd insists that the subject of origins must exclude that which cannot be subjected to the scientific method, in brief – observation, verification, and either elimination or validation. Well, if one may borrow an old proverb, let’s see if the “sauce” that is good for the “goose” is also good for the “gander.”

A few years back, Science Digest published an article by astrophysicist, John Gribbin. The essay addressed the matter of the origin of life on earth. Let us reflect upon what the gentleman wrote, and evaluate it in the light of current demands that only a “scientific” view of life’s origin will be tolerated.

“Our ancestors fell to Earth from space after evolving in the warm, wet nucleus
of a comet. Single-celled bacteria developed not in Earth’s oceans but in these
cometary pools, feeding off the rich mixture of molecules present in
interstellar clouds, blowing across the galaxy propelled by the pressure of
starlight on their tiny cells and ultimately landing on our young planet.
This startling scenario, suggested by Sir Fred Hoyle of the University
College in Cardiff, Wales, and his colleague, Chandra Wickramasinghe, is part of
a new theory about the origins of life that characterizes the Universe as a vast
biological machine and comets as cosmological Johnny Appleseeds spreading the
germ of life wherever they travel” (Science Digest, April, 1981).

This is “science” at its finest hour! “None of that ‘religious’ myth stuff for us. We pride ourselves in being scientific. We want nothing to do with the ‘God’ fanatics. We are ‘Johnny Appleseed groupies!’”

Where is the “scientific” data for this “spaced-out” theory? There is not a micro-molecule of evidence for this notion, but it may be entertained in the classroom, so long as it is divorced from any religious aura.

Is there anyone, with an ounce of organized “grey matter,” that cannot see the inconsistency in the Darwinian opposition to ID? Indeed, the utter hypocrisy of it all absolutely reeks.
The truth of the matter is this. The Darwinian crowd is terrified of what would happen if intelligent people were exposed to the argumentation of both sides of the controversy. Why not lay them down, side-by-side? Why not see what the evidence actually is, and logically analyze it?
Here is an interesting question: why is it that the ID people are perfectly happy to let both sides of the argument be heard, while the Evolutionists want only their position presented in science classes? Does that not speak volumes?

The answer is quite apparent. Some while back, a “science” propaganda sheet advised evolutionists to refrain from debating creationists. Why so? Among a barrage of slanderous charges was the rationale that the creation arguments tend to make an impression on simple-minded people who are unable to appreciate the complexity of the evolutionary case.

Yeah! Like the “Johnny Appleseed” argument. All that argument needed to make it complete was the preliminary, “Once upon a time ...”

2005-11-08T19:56:00.000+08:00

I know I haven't blogged in quite a while, but I believe this email that I just sent out today to a group of church-mates that have been and continue to be an integral part of my life sums it all up pretty well.

Here goes.

Hallo my dear dear COMrades!
As promised, here's my love email to you all... THANK YOU for meeting me at the airport yesterday. It was truly such a joy, and such a testament of LOVE.
During this season that I've been 'down', I've been sharing my progress with Ps Mark & Aunty Ayelan weekly, but this time I felt that I wanna share with you guys too (and now all you readers out there).
Initially when this physical hoo-ha started in Sep, it was a very frustrating time for me personally. More than just physical, it was a battle of the mind, many thoughts
of condemnation due to inactivity started to come in, and it really was a daily decision to keep tuning in my mind to God. but even that was a struggle. Verses that I used to speak against these thoughts felt like they fell flat, and the anguish was still there.
Yet thru it all I began to realise that God was dealing with me on a deeper level. I have a tendency to 'escape' behind work, and to think that as long as I was super involved in ministry, I'm ok, I'm alright. But my foundation, in actual fact, was shaky. God had to literally stop me in my tracks & render me 'useless' before I slowed down and listened to Him. And beginning, to be honest, I was so consumed by my own 'guilt trips' of not doing anything that I missed out on what He was saying. Then it became more and more clear, and He was showing me how deeply I'd ingrained my personality and self-worth on the wrong things - approval from man, spiritual activity. These things are good, but they are shaky foundation! I was actually putting my confidence in the flesh - my own and other people. But then God started to show
me that this period of struggle within me is necessary if I'm to progress on in my walk with Him, esp if I were to rise up to the calling He has for me. If I'm to be a true leader for Him, I cannot be basing my self-worth on the pleasure of people, becos I can't please everyone! And I'm not even called to do so, but to please God first of all!
It was a hard thing to reckon with, to admit this reliance on people's opinions. Many times it was so tempting to just 'heck-care' the rest period, and to launch back into ministry to get rid of all the guilt trips. But that would be 'a way that seems wise to men, but leads to death.' No matter how 'good' it would have seemed, it would still be escapism from the root cause. But He was opening my eyes to all that, and helped me to just dig in my heels & confront these thoughts headon. And praise God for His faithfulness, that during this period of confusion clouding my mind, He brings people to my path that have brought words like guiding posts and assurances that these things that are happening are necessary. There was a spirit of heaviness that was
hanging over me, and my dad had a vision and word about that, and I had a good talk with my parents that night when he shared with me, and that night was also a restoration of relationship that I praise God for.
And this trip to Perth. If I were to be truly honest with myself, it was perhaps a form of 'escapism' to try to get away from all the thoughts that have been plaguing me. But it's so amazing how God turns things around for good! During this time in Perth, even
though I was alone most of the time, the books I brought along to read, the devotions I have, all tie in together in one single message of TRUSTING GOD. It was like confirmation upon confirmation. And then on Sunday, I went to church service with Bel's friend, and there was a call for healing, so I went forward. Someone came to pray for me, and I felt a warm sensation run through my head (where he'd placed his hand on). After him, the young adults pastor came to pray for me. When he prayed, a series of jolts ran through my body. After the prayer for healing, the pastor then started to release a prophetic word for me, which essentially reaffirmed my call & destiny, the confirmation that this season is for my growth, and the reminder of the need to trust God. After that service, it was as if something had lifted off me. I came to Perth with a heaviness, but that has left. And I really began to experience something different in my walk with God.
It's like the song says, "everything's changed, everything is different." Everything's the same, yet everything's different. Dunno how to put it. But it's like He's given me new eyes, a new perspective, new insight on things, and most imptly, a new perspective in how I am to function and minister as a person, to stop being so 'hard' on myself & relying so much on my own righteousness and to just learn to rest and trust Him & His righteousness. For a workaholic like me who is so used to being in
control & relying on my strengths, this is really a refreshing change, and I'm believing that it'll be permanent, this peace in trusting the Lord in all things.
So if I were to summarise everything, before this season, I was burning myself out without knowing it. I was all passion, all good intentions, but planted by the wrong streams. I was withering without knowing it. And perhaps people thought I was fine and put-together. But my life was going off balance. And this season, God is bringing recovery and restoration of health not just to my body, but to my MIND, and my FAMILY esp. The 2 areas that I've neglected and dismissed all this while. He's bringing back balance to my life. And I've a feeling I know why He didn't choose to heal me instantaneously, even though He could have - He knew that I needed the prolonged 'dependence' & 'inactivity' to really LEARN & have time to RIPEN that would not have come from something instant.
I know that something has changed - and it's definitely a result of all your prayers and love. To know that I'm part of a family that loves me not for how I look like, what I do, but who I am, just as I am, flaws and all. That really really means a lot to me, really.
Thanks always, my dear fellow runners. You gave me my best birthday present of all - your agape love :)
LOVES!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-29T18:44:00.000+08:00

Once, a woman travelled a long distance from her village to meet Gandhi,
bringing her son along with her.

"Mr Gandhi!" the woman said. "Could you please tell my son to stop eating
so much sugar? It's ruining his teeth!"

Gandhi replied, "Ma'am, why don't you tell him yourself?"

The woman responded, "I tried, but he wouldn't listen! But I'm sure he'll
listen to you!"

Gandhi was silent for a moment. Then he said, "Come back with your son in
one week's time, then I'll do as you say."

The woman hesitated, then bowed and left, while inwardly resenting the long
journey she'd have to make back to her village, and back to where Gandhi was one
week later.

But she obeyed, and one week later she was back with her son, in front of
Gandhi.

Gandhi bent down, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Son, stop eating
so much sugar, it's bad for you. Ok?"

The mother, seeing this, smiled widely. "Thank you Mr Gandhi! I'm sure
he'll listen, finally. There's just one thing I was wondering - why did you have
to wait a week to tell my son this?"

Gandhi replied, "Because up till a week ago, I myself was still eating
sugar."

This story stuck with me - an illustration of what it means to, literally, walk the talk.

And I believe that that's exactly what's happening to me now. Why I'm in this circumstance, at this point in my life. I truly believe that God's allowing me to go through this, so that I may be molded, taught, and fully experience, before in turn sharing with others about this journey I've taken.

It was only today that I suddenly realised that God is right now answering the very prayer I have been praying for the past few years - that I may "know Him and the power of His resurrection". How may I know Him and that power, if I don't experience it? And how may I experience it, if I don't go through something that will require me to cling to Him, and rely solely on His power to resurrect what is dead in me, whether physically, emotionally or spiritually?

No wonder James, in the Bible, says to "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds." There's joy, because the outcome of these trials is always something to look forward to! Of course the process is difficult, uncomfortable, painful. I won't deny that so many times, thoughts about quitting enter my mind. Why not sink into depression? Why not allow myself to throw a party with pity? I have reason to, don't I?

But that would mean succumbing! The mind is the battlefield - that is where the battle is won or lost! Once I allow myself to sink into these negative thoughts, the battle goes downhill!

Instead, oh Holy Spirit, help me to always "fix my eyes on what is unseen". To think of only "whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable"...to "if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." And only these things Lord! Guard my heart and my mind O Lord! In You I have the victory, and I am more than a conqueror through You who loves me!

2005-10-25T19:55:00.000+08:00

Firedrills.

They used to be the welcome (albeit troublesome) respite from a boring (insert most hated subject) lesson during school days - the desperate ringing of the shrill alarm bell was sweet music compared to (insert most boring teacher's name)'s incessant droning.

I can't remember the last time I went through the exercise...was it during secondary school? Anyway, all I recall is that they always made us gather in the school field to take attendance.

Question: what if the school field caught fire? Where would we gather? Should there be a Plan B venue? And what if Plan A and B venues caught fire? Do we stand on the road? Run home? ...

Of course, being the typical Singaporean student, I kept these musings to myself.

Then today it happened, at my office building.

This morning I was greeted by a sign that said "Fire drill today".

Hmmm.

Didn't think much of it till I received an email from HR telling us all to "take the fire drill seriously".

Hmmm.

Then it started to rain cats & dogs & elephants & whales. I tried looking out of the window - it was a sheet of black. I couldn't even see the road; the rain was a shroud of dark water that enveloped the building. So I thought (as did the rest of my colleagues) that the firedrill would be postponed.

After all, how ironic that the building would "catch fire" amidst such a downpour.

Till I received an email from HR saying that "if it rains, meet in the front walkway".

(I thought a more plausible plan would be "if it rains like this, open the windows to put out the fire." But hey, what do I know?)

Then I assumed the walkway was OUTSIDE the building, though it seemed awfully small to contain all of the building's inhabitants.

Hmmm. Whatever. Carried on typing away.

Till I received a call from my manager informing me that "the firedrill will start in a few mins (insider info, you see), and you might want to take the lift down first before it gets shut down, and thus avoid the stampede in the stairway."

Good idea. Anything to get away from work, right? :)

So me and a few others giggled our way down to the walkway, and waited for the alarm to ring, and the other unfortunate souls to climb their way down.

We waited for 30 mins. No alarm yet.

Hmmm.

So we went to grab coffee. Might as well not waste the time standing around eh?

We went to a nearby coffee house, and found it surprisingly crowded, though it was mid-afternoon on a weekday. And the customers were mainly white-collared too. We learnt something today - teabreaks are quite the norm among other office staff, which bodes well for the 'workaholic' Singaporean.

We had a good time sipping our kopi and chatting away, and then one of us got an SMS saying that the alarm finally went off. By then it was 45 mins since we'd left the building.

We decided to stay put and sip our coffee a while longer - people take time to climb down the stairs, you know.

Finally, a good 1 hour since we left the office, we headed back to the walkway to take our attendance. Just in time too - 5 mins after putting our names down, we were told we could go back to our office.

If only firedrills were this fun. Though I did have one question:

What if the staircase caught fire?

2005-10-23T16:09:00.000+08:00

I went on a shopping spree yesterday morning and bought:

The Broker by John Grisham
Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell & Dustin Thomason
Chicken Soup for the Christian Woman's Soul

And then went on a reading binge, finishing The Broker by the afternoon, and Rule of Four before 12 mn (felt better than just sleeping the whole day away).

The last time I immersed myself in such reading was when I was in Sweden with the winter as company. Since then it's been mainly newspapers and magazines, the fast food of intellectual fare.

Ah, it felt good.

And then I realised that I've actually read the 3rd book before; my Mum has a copy.

Heh, I need more gingko.

So next up - Memoirs of a Geisha, which I bought some time ago but haven't gotten around to reading. I do want to read it though, before I see the movie in the cinema. Reading the story (with the scenes played out in my own head) just won't be the same as watching someone else's interpretation on screen.

But I reserve my comments till I've seen the movie lah.

2005-10-15T19:44:00.000+08:00

I just came back from a wedding held in Seletar Reservoir.

Yep, unique huh? Apparently CNA thought so too, cos they sent their camera-crew down to tape the event! (I think it was shown just now on TV at 6.30pm. Wasn't back by then though).

I really enjoyed the wedding though. Casual setting, no stiff-necked-black-tie, but more boho-feel, dress code: flip flops (!), open air by the waters, everyone relaxed and themselves (rather than all stuffy in a stuffy suit or dress). It was a bit sweltering this afternoon though, given Singapore's humidity.

But no matter. We all loved the wedding, because we love the couple.

(this was taken some time back before the actual wedding)

Congrats Mr & Mrs Roland Tan!!!

And oh by the way, guess what awaited me on my bed on my return from such a beautiful wedding -

A. Brochure. From. SDU.

God has such a sense of humour ;) But well, shall not get all 'despo'. Believe the right guy is out there, God-ordained, being prepared for me just as I'm being prepared for him. Right time, right season will come, in His good plan and will.

So for now, treasuring and enjoying the gift of singlehood, not to say that I'm not anticipating the arrival of the gift of couplehood in good time.

And I know God reads my blog ;)

2005-10-13T20:10:00.000+08:00

One of the (more unpleasant) side effects of my condition is low T3 output (ie low thyroid activity) = lowered metabolism = weight gain.

Seriously, I'm struggling to fit into the pairs of pants that were actually kinda loose just a few months ago. On careful analysis, seems like the weight gain is concentrated in my waist & thighs, and yes, it shows up on my face too (the first place I put on weight at).

Ok, lest this is dismissed as yet another female-rambling-dangerous-territory-for-men-to-get-involved whining, bear with me a while more.

I've actually been thinking about this quite a bit. This whole "I-know-I-am-fat-even-though-no-one-else-says-so" syndrome that women can never get away from. Have gone around asking a few male friends, and they just can't comprehend why women keep saying they're fat, cos guys seldom notice it anyway. I read an article about "briderexia", where the bride loses weight drastically just before the wedding to look good, and the grooms interviewed all mention that it was never their idea in the first place - the bride was the one who mooted it, and the guy thought, hey, if it makes her happy...

So why do we keep obsessing about weight? Is it really a girl thing, something wired in our head? Do women in cultures where fat is deemed beautiful think about losing weight?? If not, then are women bashing ourselves inside out (bingeing, purging) & outside in (extreme exercise, slimming programs) just to conform to the standards of society?

Are we women that superficial to the point we make ourselves miserable?

I wonder what would happen if I were to hit the streets and ask women if they'd rather be 1) thin and sickly or 2) fat and healthy.

Tough one, eh. Most would probably, in front of me and their friends, choose Option 2, but inside think, nah I'd rather be Option 1.

Of course, in an ideal world, everyone would be Option 1.5 - Thin & healthy. But that's in an ideal world of the average woman looking like a Barbie (read: fat hope).

As for me, if I were to be real honest with myself, I would have chosen Option 1. But now, feeling the way I am today, all I'm aiming for is 2b) healthy. And if being fat is part of the package... I'd say, so be it, with a cringe and a smile. Cringing because nobody likes to be fat, but smiling because I know I am loved nevertheless.

As for a future husband, well, God will take care of that (my hubby'd better love me, fat or thin, don't want to have to go for any slimming program after I've given birth).

Today, Life! quoted Sarah Jessica Parker as saying this about her son's vocabulary:

I've forbidden the word "fat" because I don't like the way it's used and I don't want him to ever use that word.

I always knew Sarahs were wise women ;)

2005-10-11T19:39:00.000+08:00

The battle was so strong this morning.

I've always felt that I was above depression and pity-partying, but this morning proved to me that "no temptation has seized (me) except what is common to man". The thoughts in my head were crazy, irrational, and haunting, and the burden within me, oh-so-heavy-laden. It's inexplicable, unexplainable.

I battled with the sinking feeling all the way to the office. Sat down at my desk, the smile on my face and the cheery hellos to my colleagues masking the storm within.

I opened my devotional book, like I do every morning, took out my foolscap paper, and started to pour my heart out.

It really took a decision to be like David - to choose to praise & worship Him despite how I'm feeling. Here I've come to appreciate the power of memory verses - as I cried out, verse after verse of God's promises (which are Yes and Amen and independent of how I feel or how faithful I am or what I do) spilled from my pen.

I praise Him for He is good. He will never leave me nor forsake me, no matter how I feel; He's independent of that. This battle is not for me to fight, for it belongs to Him. And what's even better is that He has ALREADY won! It's not for me to struggle anymore, cos I am more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus!

The more I declared His word, the more a sense of peace started to descend on me. As I presented myself to Him as a prayer request with thanksgiving (thanking Him for fearfully and wonderfully making me), a peace that transcends all understanding began to guard my heart and mind in Him.

And as I was writing to Him to "teach me His ways that I might walk in them", it was as if someone turned up the volume of the radio that was already switched on to 88.3FM in the office (though nobody touched it), and the song that was playing suddenly entered my consciousness -

Amazing Grace - in Mandarin.

The amazing thing is, I'd never heard that version of it before. But no matter. Even if it were sung in Mandarin or any other language, the melody sings the lyrics in English to my heart:

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me...
I once was lost, but now am found
Was blind but now I see..."

The song ended there, but that line was enough.

Thank goodness my table-mate hadn't come yet, or else she'd seen the tears that fell from my eyes.

Truly, it's His grace that saved a wretch like me, and truly He is teaching me to walk in His grace.

I was once unworthy, now made worthy by Him - and never worthless, for I am loved by an awesome Papa God.

2005-10-04T20:16:00.000+08:00

In less than 22 hours I'll be on a plane to KL, and in less than 24 hours settled into the Hilton in KL for my FMP course part 2.

But I'm honestly having mixed feelings about it, cos of the toll that travelling takes on me. Somehow you don't feel it, but yet your body just feels so so tired on reaching home after a bout of going overseas and back, no matter how much rest was obtained during the trip.

And I do wanna go to church this weekend!

Need His enablement and strength so so so so much.

But really must thank God for surrounding me with so many people who have soaked me in their love and concern. SMSes, emails, tagboard msgs, MSN msgs... & I just received an email from a church friend, containing photos which my youth in church took of themselves for me to look at! So cute hor... I miss them so much too.

Well, this lesson in trusting in Him may be longdrawn, but it sure is reinforcing! :) Truly learning what it means to be content in every situation.... in both the busy and the quiet.

Simply because He's here with me, always.

I want my Papa!

2005-10-03T22:19:00.000+08:00

God's got such a sweet sense of humour.

Today I had to stay back in office later than usual to participate in a conference call which started at 6pm. It ended close to 7pm, and I thought of staying back a little longer to finish up on some work (you know how it is when you get started on something and you don't want to break your rhythm when you're halfway doing it).

Then, mysteriously, JUST after the conference call when I opened up the Excel sheet to continue my work - my laptop started to hang. It was so bad that the whole 'end-process-via-Task-Manager' didn't even work, and I had to manually shut down the laptop.

Took it as my cue to STOP and GO HOME (He's clear that way) :)

But really, it's just been another day of divine sustainence. Amazing when I reflect back on how I sensed His hand upon me and in all that I was doing, giving me the insight and ideas that I need (that couldn't have come from blur ol' me), the strength and the focus to get through the day. Sometimes it's so easy to take these little things for granted. But life itself - to live and breathe - what a privilege and blessing!

My Tax Head just came back from Beijing where she had a conference, and she was telling me she had gone to a church there with a friend. Only foreigners were allowed to go to the church, and 50% were European while the rest were foreign Chinese. Does gel with the many other stories I've heard of the persecution against Christians that still takes place in China today.

To think that so often we take for granted the religious freedom we have here in Singapore.

It's such stories that remind me that life is all about perspective, problems, what we define them to be.

To be able to live this life and breathe this breath, for one more night and one more day. What a blessing!

2005-10-02T11:04:00.000+08:00

I wanted so much to go to church today.

But woke up feeling feverish, bloated, weak & headachy. I know what my parents would say to that... so sent out the SMSes of accountability and settled back into bed.

Ok obviously the first reaction is to feel all 'woe is me' and 'argh' and frustration and all that comes along in the package of a pity-party.

But hey, do I have to go to church for me to set my eyes upon my Papa? No right?

So now I choose to smile up to Him like His radiant lil' daughter ;)

And just spend the morning in quiet reflection, in stillness - to KNOW that HE is GOD. And to just enjoy communing with Him on His lap.

Mmmm :)

Actually there's so much to be thankful for:

Divine favour at my workplace with bosses & colleagues
(it's divine because it blows my mind. I can't be THAT well-liked in the natural. Maybe that's why He gave me a baby-face to offset my loud & assertive tendencies. Papa sure knows best :))
Divine fruitfulness in my work
(somehow I manage to get my work done so quickly and efficiently it scares me. Because it can't be natural. I'm sure not complaining; it allows me to go back early to rest without having to bring work home, which is crucial during this period especially. God is good!)
Loving parents
(who have been feeding me well with chicken soup, fish soup, etc...)
And more opportunities to spend time with them
(I think I've been running around so much the past couple of months that I come home tired and in no mood to talk. Needless to say I've neglected this part of my life too much. I'm glad for God's grace in giving me this '2nd chance' to get this 'house' of mine in order before I can even seek to help other people with theirs.)
Awesome youth
(who have been rising up to hold the fort for me during my absence, who've been sending me SMSes of prayer and encouragement. Love and miss them so so much.)
More time
(to read, to pray, to reflect. It was prophesied over me a few years back that God would place in me a spirit of intercessory prayer. These few days, this 'spirit' has begun to 'manifest' itself, bringing to mind things that are happening, and leading me to prayer to ask God for further insight into these matters. Like PAL said to me, sometimes we need to stand on the outside to have a better look at what's going on in the inside. It's an honour, then, to be a gatekeeper / watchman for the Lord!)

And more recently, I've seen His hand at work and bringing to life the verse: "A man may plan His way, but the Lord directs his steps." The following sequence of events canNOT be mere coincidence...

Before Thu 29 Sep

Email #1 said that, as an FMP, I was to fly into Kuala Lumpur on Thu 29 Sep to attend a SEA-FMP roundtable session with Keith Sherin (GE CFO) from 3-4pm, and then fly back the same day. The SEA FMPs were also specially invited for the Malaysia Townhall Meeting with Jeff Immelt (GE CEO), which would be from 4-5pm. Normally the Townhall Meeting would be reserved for the country's own employees only, but the SEA FMPs from outside Malaysia have been given special concession.

I said, "Ok" and arranged my flight out of KL. The only available flight was at 7.30pm, and the one which I wanted, the SQ flight departing at 6.50pm, was fully booked, and I was put on the waiting list.

Email #2 said that I was cordially invited to the Singapore Townhall meeting at 10am on Fri 30 Sep.

I said, "Ok" as I wanted to hear what Jeff had to say, particular to the Singaporean context.

Email #3 said that FMPs were to prepare questions to ask Keith at the Malaysian roundtable.

I said, "Ok" and submitted my question for clearance.

Phonecall #1 said that my flights have been confirmed, and I got a confirmed place on the SQ flight at 6.50pm after all.

Thu 29 Sep

I spoke to the other FMPs who had alot more experience on travelling in Malaysia, and they said that with the traffic conditions at 5plus, it was very tight for me to make it for my flight at 6.50pm. The rest had chosen the later SQ flight that departed at 9plus.

I also found out that I was one of the 2 FMPs from Singapore (out of 8) who were given invitations by the GE businesses to attend the Singapore Townhall - meaning it was a privilege to have that option of attending EITHER Townhalls!

At the roundtable with Keith Sherin, because time was tight, I was one 'hand-raised' too late to pose my question to Keith.

I decided to give the Malaysia Townhall a miss and attend the Singapore one the next day, so that I won't have to rush for my flight. I took my time in getting to the airport, and even got to buy some snacks along the way for my brothers, before reaching home at around 8plus. The rest would only get home around 11.

Fri 30 Sep

At the Singapore Townhall, I got to pose my question to Jeff himself.

So, to sum up:
1) I got to ask my question (yes I know I'm stubborn that way)
2) I got to attend all the necessary GE functions
3) I didn't have to rush from one venue to the next
4) I had sufficient time to rest

God planned it all before I even foresaw what came up!

All glory to Him :)

K time for me to go rest & talk to Him in bed :)

2005-10-01T20:42:00.000+08:00

Yes I have revamped my blog.

You know how people often do drastic things when they reach a crossroad in their life? E.g. getting a totally new haircut, changing their entire wardrobe, taking an impromptu trip to Europe?

This is somewhat like that, just perhaps less damaging and more easily reversible than a bad haircut, and less painful on the wallet than a shopping spree or trip abroad.

But it does reflect a different outlook on life now - not that I'm less 'coffee-minded' (trust me on that), but I'm more appreciative of the faith that I'm having now, and what it's all about.

This faith - a something special between me and my Papa God that nothing and no one can take away.

And that's what my whole life revolves around. Some can't understand it - amidst the pursuit of 'so much more in life' like climbing one more rung up the corporate ladder, becoming more well-known in social circles, 'arriving', why do something as 'boring' as redeeming my time with God?

But trust me again on this - there's nothing more abundant, more exciting, more fulfilling, more satisfying, more peaceful, more anything, than living a life lived for Him.

Just me and my Papa. That's all that matters.

2005-09-27T20:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes the worst of it happens in the mind.

Physical weakness, I can deal with. Big purple bruises where the needle pierced my skin to inject sedation fluid (which my boss jokingly mistook to be abuse), I can take.

But the hardest of battles is in choosing not to get booged down and miserable in the circumstance, or indulge in a pity-party, as one is wont to do (and probably people would understand too).

Yet what kind of life would that be? Going around looking drawn and sad. The proverb "laughter doth good like a medicine" ain't for nothing.

It's a daily decision to lift my eyes off myself and what I'm feeling, and up to the heavens, where my Help comes from. I'm not saying I've always been successful in doing so; so that's why this is simply part of the molding, strengthening process.

To indeed be joyful and thankful in ALL circumstances.

He's been speaking to me through Psalm 73:26 -

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my
portion forever.

Flesh - Physically hit, check.
Heart - Emotionally hit, check.

But He is the STRENGTH of my heart. Where my emotions fail, He doesn't. He carries me through and puts that smile on my face.

And my PORTION. Always wondered what "portion" meant. My 'piece'? My 'share'?

Then I checked out dictionary.com :

your overall circumstances or condition in life (including everything that
happens to you)

He is my destiny! He is my life's condition! Everything that happens to me is His!

So why fret? Why worry? My life is in the ablest of hands.

He is my portion not just yesterday, not just today, but FOREVER and EVER and EVER...!

He's worthy to be praised lah. He's too good to be true - but it IS the truth that He is :)

And of course, another perk of this whole situation is -

I GET FLOWERS!!!

And a BEAR!!!

The last time I got such a full bouquet was (counting intently here) 7 years ago? From my first and only then-boyfriend?

Though this is not from a secret admirer, and from a happily married couple at that...

I'M STILL SO HAPPY!

Girls are suckers for flowers, impractical as they are :) Well, even if they wilt, I've still got the BEAR!!!

Mmm :) THANK YOU PM & PAL! :)

2005-09-26T19:44:00.000+08:00

I've received many well-wishes since my last post - thanks all you guys. They have made my days :)

So often I've read about other people going thru worse illnesses and how their perspectives change, and I nod in detached agreement.

But now, I begin to understand.

Unable to do much, I now am forced to rely on God and others - not earning their love or compassion, cos I can't do anything for them. And thus I'm beginning to realise what true GRACE is.

Undeserved favour.
Undeserved.

Really, my heart wells up with thanks for this period.

I find my world is changing. Not because it's changing.

But because I am.

2005-09-24T22:59:00.000+08:00

So I see the gastrointestinal specialist at Mt E, and he says there's something wrong with my liver. Something to do with SGPT/ALT levels, and my liver fighting with my immune system. Medical jargon aside, he tells me there are 2 alternatives to take:

1) To wait and see if my immune system manages to overcome the virus attacking my liver, on its own - 17% of patients succeed in this 'natural state'. If this is chosen, bi-weekly blood tests are to be taken for monitoring of enzyme levels. Of course, because, as in the good doctor's own words, my liver is the battle field for the immune system and the virus, the longer I 'wait and see', the higher the probability of my liver getting damaged further.

2) To start treatment immediately, first by doing a liver biopsy ($1,200) to determine if the liver can take the treatment, followed by weekly injections for a year (about $20,000 a year).

I tell him I need to speak to my parents about this. $20,000 is no joke. And so is my liver, of course.

I speak to my Mum, and we decide to go with Alternative 1. Because my Mum was one of the 17% who made it. And because we serve a big God.

In the quietness I ask myself sometimes, why must this happen, now. Sometimes I wish I am in another body. In another mind. In another personality even. But He's bigger than all I can even imagine. So why think so far, eh? Might as well just rest in Him.

Sometimes for activity-addicted me, that's literally easier said than done. But I must let not my will, but His be done.

And in all things, give thanks, for He is indeed good.

The Lord gives, the Lord takes - BLESSED BE HIS NAME!

2005-09-20T20:09:00.000+08:00

Did a Starhub survey on imode, and this came up at the end of it:

... In the meantime, based on your answers, we think you are a ...
Spontaneous and adaptable "balance in life" seeker

You like to be in touch with the in-crowd, in touch with what's new, and making sure you have the best of it. You appreciate design, and quality. You can give a 120% when you need to, but know that you don't need to 100% of the time. You know that life is for living, and you're smart enough to make sure that you have time to relax, chill and just be yourself.

You come across to many as a patient, people person who is a good listener, adaptable and accommodating to others. You have the ability to "go with
the flow" of your surroundings. This ability is both your biggest strength and weakness; at best, you're very accepting and supportive of others as they really are, but at worst you can sometimes forget who you yourself are, passively agreeing with others and reticent to assert your own desires.

You may have a particularly hard time when making painful decisions, like firing someone, because you also see the other person's predicament, and hate to force confrontations. Sometimes you can find it hard to get started on things. However, this inertia can also work to your advantage, because once started you will make slow-but-steady progress, becoming determined and relentless in your pursuits.

Famous people who share these traits include:Bill Clinton, Carl Jung, Nelson Mandela, Tiger Woods, Prince Charles, Ronald Reagan, Albert Einstein, Dwight Eisenhower

2 words: Bill Clinton???

2005-09-18T09:38:00.000+08:00

I'm slouching in my bed, laptop on my lap, listening to the sound of birds mingling with the construction that has already begun. I see the aircon lightly touching the curtains on my window that move gentily and jerkily with the automated breeze.

It's been a while since I've slacked off like this. Perhaps the last time was when I was in Lund. For D-C ol' me, I feel guilty, seconds ticking by with nothing fruitful being done. Then again, maybe this IS fruitfulness - the recharging and renewal so that I can cont on more efficiently and effectively. I seem to crave the need for rationalising everything; to do things impulsively? Almost unheard of. I think sometimes I think too much. I try to stone off, but can't. Thoughts creep into my mind unwanted, unsought for. I want a break, a mind-blank time, but perhaps that's just running away.

Perhaps that's why the only time I get true true peace is when I fix my mind and eyes on Him. Perhaps too often I'm fixing my eyes on other people and what they think of me, that that's become the basis of all I do. But that becomes so tiring, cos when can one ever be satisfied, with someone else or even ourselves? It's maybe a human thing to always be discontent.

But that's why the Bible tells me to 'not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of my mind'. To live by the world's standards is so tiring. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. It's not tiring to live for Him. It may be tough, but not tiring. His grace is sufficient for me.

I'm increasingly brought to reckon with my faith these few days. Why do I believe in what I believe. Is it because I was brought up in a Christian home? Is it because I've grown up in church, and it's all I've ever known? Is it because that's how I please people, by being a 'good Christian girl'? That can't, and isn't, what it's all about.

This relationship is between me and Jesus, and no one else. Living a life that pleases Him is having a faith rooted and established into the one Foundation that is Jesus Christ, and no one or nothing else. Nothing else can matter. My own righteousness is but filthy rags - so why do I strive?

I hide in His righteousness, in His act of love on the Cross. If all else fails, if everyone else departs from me, can I stand? I think I can only stand if He is with me.

Maybe that's why I suspect I'm not ready to have a guy enter my life yet, because I may just start to fix my eyes on him instead of Him, and that'll be dangerously unstable.

Maybe I'm afraid of falling, because love is such a tricky thing, and the heart is deceitful beyond measure. I'm afraid that when I "fall in love", I fall out of focus.

So I continue to submit and surrender to God's ordained time, to God's ordained partner, whenever, whoever. Some may say I'm weak, to place such decisions in God's hand rather than take the bull by the horns and make things work for myself. But I put no confidence in the flesh, and He sees the biggest picture. He's sovereign, the Beginning and the End, He is before all things and in Him all things hold together.

The Lord is my Helper, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?

2005-09-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

Have been having Greenbelt training over the past few days (6 sigma is to be part of my DNA as a GE employee). I finally understand that risk assessment program that Ben Stiler used to evaluate Jennifer Aniston in Along Came Polly - the official name for it is Quality Function Development (QFD). Quite fascinating, actually, and though it may seem super geeky, it's a good evaluation tool for - a life partner.

(I know I've just made myself a social pariah :P)

But seriously. Anyway the topic has been coming up over the past few days. Had a good catchup with Mum as we walked to the mamashop together on Sunday to buy snacks after dinner, and she sounded me out about meeting the children of her church friends to 'expand the social circle'. That opened up the topic of hubby requirements.

Ok, to put it on CTQ terms (i.e. what, in the customer's perspective, is Critical to Quality) and their ranking in terms of importance (5 most impt, 1 least impt):

Christian - 5 (I'll be living with this person daily - He HAS to share the foundation of my life)
Higher education level - 2
Intellectually compatible - 4 (this is different from education level, mind you. I know of some people who score straight As but can't carry on a stimulating conversation)
Same church ministry - 3 (but I realise this is a variable over time)
Same ministry passion - 4 (probably more of a constant than church ministry)
Financially stable - 3 (impt, but well, if God calls us to full time, then this becomes irrelevant, cos we'll be living on God's provision)
Good relationship with family - 5 (YES! One of the biggest 'tests' any potential mate must go thru)
Maturity - 5
Looks - 1 (seriously...all the guys I've had major crushes on are NOT good-lookers (hope none of them are reading this. But then, they'd prob not know I'm referring to them ;)))
Confidence - 3 (though I find I'm usually attracted to confidence)

Note that this list is NON-exhausive...will probably be adding to it in the time to come. I can just see this raising complaints about the pickiness of Singaporean women etc etc. But hey, marriage IS a decision that lasts for a lifetime. They say that there are 2 important decisions in life - marriage comes first, and career choice second (a distant second, to my opinion, cos you can always change jobs, but not a spouse. At least for traditional ol' me, likely N/A for Hollywood, which may probably switch jobs and marriage around in terms of priority...).

Ultimately, am still trusting God for my own 'love story' to come to pass, in His perfect time. For now, am definitely enjoying the gift of singlehood; biological clock satiated by youth ministry :)

Psalm 23: A Shepherd's Perspective

2005-09-05T22:35:00.000+08:00

Psalm 23: A Shepherd's Perspective

"Shalom my friends. My name is Yeshua ben Yosef. I am from the ancient
land of Palestine and I'm a shepherd by trade. It is an honour for a
man of my occupation to be allowed to stand here and speak with you
today. You see in my nation shepherding is not looked upon with favour.
For most of my countrymen it is a job to be avoided rather than sought.
The hours are long. The work is dirty and backbreaking. You should see
the thick calluses on my feet. And the pay ... well let's just say
you'll never get rich tending sheep for a living. I learned the trade
from my father and I continue the family tradition.

You pastor thought it would be helpful for me to come and speak with
you today about my lowly occupation. I'm not really sure what a humble
man such as I could teach you, but I'll tell you everything that I know.

Did you know that in the Bible you read, God refers to his people, you
and me, as sheep nearly two hundred times? You may have never
considered the significance of that comparison but I have because I
work with sheep day and night. Let me tell you it's not a compliment to
be called a sheep. Why not rather eagles - majestic, swift and
beautiful? No, God calls us his sheep. Why not lions - strong,
fearless, terrifying? No, instead, God calls us his sheep. Oh they're
unique, but to be compared to one is nearly an insult. A sheep is
perhaps
the stupidest animal on the face of the earth.
Have you ever seen a trained sheep in the circus? You'll see elephants,
horses, bears, seals even hippos, but not sheep. They're too stupid to
train. Sheep are also quite filthy. The wool that you see in clothing
has been cleaned thoroughly. The fluffy white sheep that you view on
your television sets didn't get that way on their own. Sheep will not
and cannot clean themselves. The shepherd or his hired hands must do it
for them. Not only are they dumb and dirty, sheep are utterly
defenceless. They have no claws, no fangs, no wings. They can't run
fast or scare an enemy off with a loud roar or spray a predator with a
noxious scent. All they can do is bleat.

Sheep are completely reliant on their shepherds. Their lives and
well-being depend on the person who oversees them each day. If God
calls us his sheep I wonder just what he's trying to say?

Maybe you would understand God a little better if you spent a day with me.
Come with me on a journey shepherding sheep.

The day begins early, before dawn. It is my job to provide food and
water for my sheep. This is not an easy task. You see in my country the
land is parched and dry. We have nothing like the vast green pasture
lands that your sheep and cattle enjoy here. You can just turn your
animals loose and they have all the food they need. But not in my
country. Oh no. Grass can be found only in narrow strips separated by
long stretches of rock and dust. Except during the rainy season, water
is provided by natural springs or wells spread out here and there. I
sometimes have to lead my sheep miles just for a few yards of grass or
a quick drink of water. It is for that reason that we arise early. It
takes all day to find the nourishment my sheep need.

I know the area like the back of my hand. I've walked every square foot
of it many times. This is how I'm able to lead my sheep. You may have
imagined that shepherding is like those old Westerns you've seen where
the cowboys, riding their horses behind the herd, drive the cattle
forward. Shepherding is somewhat different. I walk in front of the herd
and
they follow me.
Wherever I go they go. If I were unfamiliar with the land or the sheep
were left on their own they'd starve to death. But I lead them. I know
where the grass is. I've been there beforehand.

We spend the entire morning travelling from pasture to pasture. By
mid-day the sheep are exhausted and thirsty. They need refreshing or
they
will die.
Along the route I know the location of several oasis. These places have
shade and lush pasture for the sheep to rest. I make they lie down and
drink. Speaking of which, did you know that sheep won't drink from just
any water source. Oh no. They will only drink from quiet still pools.
They have a natural fear of fast moving water and for good reason. If a
sheep should slip into a river or stream its wool would soon soak up
the water and become completely saturated. Sheep are poor swimmers
anyway, but the weight of the water in their wool would cause them to
sink and drown. That's why the waters must be gentle and still. If I
can't find a pool I have to create one by diverting water from a
stream. Now you're beginning to understand what hard work shepherding is.

My sheep will be fine and have everything that they need as long as
they follow me. I lead them along well-worn paths where I know we will
find food and water. They need my guidance.

My sheep also need my protection. The land where we travel is fraught
with dangers. Predators like lions and bears stalk the herds. There's
the occasional pack of wild dogs. Some harmless looking plants, though
tasty, prove to be poisonous. A sheep might easily stumble over a cliff
or fall into a ravine and die. But my sheep have no need to fear. I
watch out for them. If they begin to wander off in the wrong direction
I have my trusty shepherd's staff to prod them back in the right
direction. If they should fall into a pit or a ravine I use the other
end of my staff to reach down and lift them to safety. I carry two
sticks, though. One is a staff, but the other is a club. The staff is
for my sheep, but the club is for predators. My sheep may be dumb, but
I'm quite attached to them. I'll fight tooth and nail for their lives.
Some of the hirelings and other shepherds I'm acquainted with have seen
me battle a few of those big carnivores. They laugh and joke and tell
me that some day one of those lions or bears will have me for lunch.
That may be true, but I can tell you that I won't look the other way or
run the other way like those cowards. No, that's the difference between
a good and a bad shepherd. A good shepherd will lay down his life for
his
sheep.

As long as they follow me I guide and protect my sheep. It's tough
work, but I always make sure my sheep have food to eat. I always check
out the fields before I allow them to graze. If there are poisonous
plants in the area and go through and weed out everyone by hand. I also
check the ground for snake holes. I told you it's dangerous in my land.
We have tiny little vipers that live underground in some of the
pasturelands. When they sense the sheep grazing, they pop their ugly
heads out of the ground and bite the sheep on the nose. The infection
or
venom from the bite could kill them.
But I have a remedy for those viscous little enemies. I walk off the
entire area looking for snake holes. When I find them I pour a little
olive oil into the entrance of the hole. Then I anoint the head and
nose of each sheep with the same oil and allow them to graze. The oil
prevents the slick bodies of the snakes from crawling out of their
holes. They're powerless to harm my sheep. It makes me laugh to watch
my little lambs have a picnic in the very presence of their enemies.

By evening we return to the sheepfold. One by one I examine each of them.
If I find any cuts or scraps on their bodies I apply healing ointment
to their wounds. I make sure they have water to drink. If I find one
nearly overcome with thirst I have a special cup-shaped bucket and let
him drink by himself. Sometimes those sheep are so thirsty that they
stick their heads in too fast and too far and the water overflows and
wets
their heads.

Before bedding down for the night I always count my flock. Occasionally
one of the lambs will stray, and there's nothing more vulnerable than a
sheep without it's shepherd. I go immediately to find it and bring it
back to the sheepfold.

Every once in a while one of my lambs will develop a habit of straying.
I remember one little fellow. I named him Jake. He came from a fine family.
His grandfather was one of my very first sheep. I called him Old Abe.
Jake's father was Isaac. Both Old Abe and Isaac faithfully followed me
and stayed on the path, but not that little rascal Jake. He turned up
missing more times than I could count. Sometimes he was in search of
greener pastures while at other times I found him chasing butterflies.
He never realized the danger he in, but I understood it clearly.

Something had to be done. We shepherds have developed a technique
guaranteed to prevent straying. It is used only as a last resort --
when a sheep refuses to stay with the flock. The last time I caught him
straying I used it on little Jake. No doubt you will think that it's
cruel, but it saves the life of my sheep. At the end of the day I found
little Jake wandering dangerously toward a steep gorge. I picked him
up, put him on my shoulders and carried him back to the sheepfold. He
didn't struggle. Jake just looked at me with only trust in his eyes. I
sat him down and quickly placed his right front leg across my staff.
With one swift motion I pulled down of the long bone of his leg and
broke it. Wild-eyed, Jake struggled to get away. He immediately fell to
the ground in pain. He couldn't understand. The one who provided for
him and rescued him, the one who he trusted was inflicting the most
excruciating suffering he'd ever endured. I didn't want to, but I had
to do
it to save his life.

Over the next few days, little Jake could barely get up. As the flocks
moved from pasture to pasture I carried him every step of the way. I
held him close in those days. He was suffering with that broken leg,
but all the while I carried him close to my heart. I sat him down to
eat
and drink.
Gradually he was able to walk again, but the smallest hill looked like
a mountain to him and the shallowest stream like a mile-wide river.
Whenever he encountered and obstacle all he could do was stop and look
to me. Then I'd pick him up and help him over. Jake learned to trust
and to follow. I had to break him to save his life. It worked. Jake is
still with me today and one of my most loyal sheep.

Well that's a day in the life of a shepherd. It's not glamorous, but
it's a living.
As undignified as my profession is it still amazes me that God compares
himself to a shepherd and his people to sheep. I can see the truth in
it though. After all he meets our needs by providing the necessities of
life, by guiding us each day and by protecting us. I guess we would be
as content and at peace as my sheep if we'd just learn to trust and
follow him. Even if we don't understand where he's leading or what he's
doing in our lives, if we'd just trust him and follow him we'd be
satisfied.

Thank you for listening. I've got to get back to work. This shepherding
is a never-ending job if you know what I mean?"

Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the
still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for
his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will
fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou
anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and
I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

2005-09-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

He said that I looked like I was all set to go party that Friday after work.

I looked down at what I was wearing - long-sleeved white collared top, blue corduory pants, black heels. Very 'party' meh? Anyway, I told him that no, I'll not be making a beeline to Hard Rock after work that day, but, interestingly, to church instead.

It's quite interesting to see how people respond when we tell them about our faith.

I think the guy (one of my big bosses' chauffeur, in case you're wondering. And he's married, so don't even think about it.) must have been thinking - "Christians can have dyed hair meh?" (that's a whole debate in itself) But anyhoo, it did get him to start opening up about himself too (give someone a personal nugget, and it breaks down that invisible wall of aloofness to allow us to scratch one more level beneath the surface). And I found our conversation that day fascinating, as all conversations which allow me to get to know the person better beyond the persona that all of us project to the general public. There's a story behind every person, and sometimes, I find fact can be stranger and more gripping than fiction. Perhaps that's why autobiographies and reality shows do so well. Or maybe everyone's born kaypoh.

But I remember that when I was younger (and I still sometimes do this now), I like to stare out of the window of the bus, gaze at the passersby on the roads and wonder to myself what their story and background would be. How many children does that lady have? Does he live alone, or with his grown-up children? What kind of job does she have, and is she happy there? How many people is he supporting with his income?

Each person has a story to tell, and I find that sometimes, a genuine smile to a complete stranger can do wonders in opening the book to someone's story, one page at a time.

Or maybe, as in the case of the chauffeur, it was my heels that did it...

Or maybe, killer smile + killer heels = killer icebreaker :)

2005-08-30T01:03:00.000+08:00

I should be sleeping right now, but I'm not. Not by choice, I can assure you. Not sure why, but yesterday and today I've been waking up at 12.30am for no reason. So here I am. Well, at least I can blog now :)

On Friday I met up with S and C over lunch to catch up. It's strange how the topics of conversation have changed from grousing about modules, BOSS, professors with indiscernable accents, the food at Food Haven, to the world of securities, credit cards, colleagues, bosses, working hours. But trust me, I still prefer the former. One thing remains certain and assuring - I'm not the only one who misses the casual wear of uni.

Stomach hasn't been well. Boss chased me home today, saying I look terrible. (She's one of those people who can say such things and yet make you feel the total un-terrible about it.) I do thank God for people like her and Pastor M. They are the Barnabases of my life :)

Finally finished Chapter 1 of the storybook adaption that I'm working with T on. I seriously never envisioned writing to be this hard. It's nothing like number crunching, where you can set aside 2 hours to finish a problem, and you know you'll get somewhere. Writing is like a balloon - it goes with the flow of the wind of inspiration. When it actually does blow, that is.

Alrighty, enough musings for a Monday night / Tuesday morning. Now, where's the sandman when I need him?

2005-08-24T20:31:00.000+08:00

My first payslip:

Ok, maybe it isn't as impressive as a hardcopy one, but hey, the substance counts more than the form, right?

I find it almost hard to believe that it's already been one month since I started work at GE. And well, I do feel a sense of job satisfaction with the tasks that I've been given. At least they aren't the 'mundane' sorta work one would expect to receive as an intern. They do require brain-work, which I'm actually glad for. And yes, I've actually been able to apply what I've learnt in uni! Seriously... E.g. variance analysis for my cash flow model (which I'm to do from scratch), writing a completely new GST manual for the business' finance dept (SYL would be proud).

Of course there's much more ahead, and today I had a slight taste of 'politics', if one could call it that. What happened was that I got ready to leave the office at about 6.15pm, which is already later than my usual 5.30pm disappear time. And one of my colleagues commented, "Wah, today stay so late ah?" And me being me, I didn't catch the 'sacarsm' behind that comment until one of my other colleagues pointed it out to me. I laughed it away and explained that I'm more of an early bird, i.e. I prefer getting to work at 7plus and leaving early, rather than sleeping in late and leaving late. But of course, no one sees the early bird; the late bird seems more 'glamourous'. Whatever the case, my direct manager did say that it's results that counts, no matter what time span the job is done in. Then again, I may be idealistic in taking that at face value; after all, perception is reality. Staying late is perceived as hardworking; leaving early, well, you can tell what comes next.

But anyhow, my conscience is clear. I've been completing my work well and on time, my manager's been giving me good evaluations, so why should I be penalised for leaving early? I refuse to be drawn in to the whole "stay back to show face"... tho it sometimes IS easier said than done.

The working world truly IS a whole different world. Good challenge.

And thank GOD that I don't face it alone. Holy Spirit, You are faithful, and I need Your wisdom, guidance, companionship and comfort more than ever.

2005-08-20T00:56:00.000+08:00

I am quite the nerd. Or bookworm, intellectual, whatever people call people who like to read. To me, the ultimate pleasure is found in snuggling up in bed with a good book, a warm cup of tea & oatmeal raisin cookies, fresh from the oven.

I love to read (to this day I wonder how I've managed to remain the only one in my family that doesn't have to wear specs), and that's the thing I miss doing ever since work started. The only reading I've been able to do is that of TODAY, albeit during the small pockets of time on the bus / MRT. But I indulged myself the other day, and went shopping in MPH, emerging with 2 books:

1) Memoirs of a Geisha (I refuse to watch the movie without reading the book first, so that my first impression remains pure and untainted by someone else's interpretation); and
2) Why You Act The Way You Do

And it's the 2nd book that I'm currently reading. As you may have guessed from the title, it's about the 4 famous temperaments (Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy & Phlegmatic), but applied with a Christian perspective. Somehow one can never get enough of reading personality-tests-&-types literature. Perhaps it's rooted in an inherent desire to be understood. But well, it's proven to be a fascinating read so far, and I think I've found my profile:

The ChlorMel
The choleric/melancholy is an extremely industrious and capable person. The
optimism and practicality of the choleric overcome the tendency towards
moodiness of the melancholy, making the ChlorMel both goal-oriented and
detailed. Such a person usually does well in school, possessing a quick,
analytical mind, yet is decisive. He develops into a thorough leader, the kind
whom one can always count on to do an extraordinary job. Never take him on
in a debate unless you are assured of your facts, for he will make mincemeat of
you, combining aggressiveness and attendance to detail. This man is extremely
competitive and forceful in all that he does. He is a dogged researcher and is
usually successful, no matter what kind of business he pursues. This temperament
probably makes the best natural leader...

Equally as great as his strengths are his weaknesses. He is apt to be
autocratic, a dictator type who inspires admiration and hate simultaneously. He
is usually a quick-witted talker whose sarcasm can devastate others. He is a
natural-born crusader whose work habits are irregular and long... He combines
the hard-to-please tendency of the choleric and the perfectionism of the
melancholy. When controlled by the Holy Spirit, however, his entire emotional
life is transformed and he makes an outstanding Christian. ...

I think one of my greatest weaknesses (or, more PC, "development needs") is in the area of sensitivity, or lack of, towards others. I tend to be more task- than people-oriented, and can get frustrated when people drag their feet in doing something that I believe passionately in. But I'm learning to demand less and listen & rally more, realising the need to keep on sharing vision rather than expecting people to automatically catch it after hearing it once.

Thank God for the transforming power of the Holy Spirit, that I can truly and honestly thank God for being weak, for "when I am weak, then I am strong".

His grace is sufficient for me, and His power made perfect in my weakness.

2005-08-17T23:17:00.000+08:00

I paid $1.10 for this at the mama shop at Change Alley:

When the same packet costs 45 cents in SPC! Means the mama shop has like an approx 250% markup!!!

So it's true what they say - prices rocket sky high in the CBD.

Time to start dapao-ing my snacks... Or maybe it's just God's way of telling me to cut down on the snacking while I'm at work. Already my skirt is feeling kinda tight...

2005-08-16T22:55:00.000+08:00

I'm terrible at playing the networking game.

Yesterday the staff from my current business rotation went to Harry's Bar after work as a farewell for the outgoing CEO & welcome for the incoming CEO for the business. While I think I can interact with people quite "ok-ly" on a one-to-one basis, especially if there are my peers, I somewhat freeze and clam up when in the presence of "greatness", i.e. my bosses. So of course, I was inwardly panicking as I was walking to the bar, envisioning the 1,001 scenarios I'll find myself in when I am confronted with needing to say "hi" to the CEOs... And of course, me being a total newbie to the whole pubbing/clubbing scene (I'm a more coffee-jazz kinda gal), I bluntly and "blur-ly" asked the bartender if they served plain water. His temporarily stunned+disgusted look taught me lesson #1 for the night:

It's sky-juice, dummy.

And it didn't help matters when I was 'suan-ed' by my boss:

Boss: "Sarah, take it easy with the drink, you don't wanna get drunk too early
in the night."

Me: "Huh? But I'm not drinking..."

A colleague: "(Boss' name), Sarah's just having plain water." (I think she meant to help me out)

Boss: "Exactly."

Right.

But well, on Sunday I was talking to Pastor Mark, and yea, I decided that I'm just going to enjoy being myself, and being nice to people because people deserve to be treated nicely, regardless of whatever-O they may be.

So that's what I did.

And guess what? I have no idea how it happened, but I suddenly found myself standing RIGHT IN FRONT of the incoming CEO when welcome speeches etc started, earning myself a wink or 2 from him when a joke was cracked.

Not only did I get to introduce myself to him, I also had a nice chat with the outgoing CEO, who, today, said "hi" to me in the office like 3-4 times - on a first name basis. AND I didn't stay long at the cocktail too...I even made it to church in time for my youth committee meeting at 8 plus!

Truly, the Holy Spirit helps us to be "in the world, not of the world".

And I think life's alot easier when Col 3:23 is the focus - "Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as unto the LORD, not unto man."

After all, we can't please everyone, so might as well concentrate on pleasing only the One that truly matters.

(P/S I love the article (posted below) on Bono. It says it all.)

2005-08-16T22:30:00.000+08:00

Bono: Grace over Karma

There have been a number of books written about U2 and their iconic frontman, Bono, arguably the world's most famous rock star. But not till now has Bono himself come out to tell his own story. In the new book, Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas (Riverhead Books), the rocker shares his thoughts on numerous topics with a French music journalist and friend who has been with the band virtually since the beginning. In a series of honest conversations presented in Q&A format, Bono discusses, among other things, his upbringing (including the death of his mother when he was a teen and the ensuing rocky relationship with his father, who died just a few years ago), U2's beginnings, his bandmates, his marriage, fatherhood, his passion for social action, the effects of celebrity, and, fittingly, his faith and how it intersects all of the above.

The following exchange between Bono and Assayas took place just days after the Madrid train bombings in March 2004, an act of terrorism that left 191 dead and more than 1,800 wounded. The two men were discussing how terrorism is often carried out in the name of religion when Bono turned the conversation to Christianity, expressing his preference for God's grace over "karma," offering an articulate apologetic for the deity of Christ, and giving a clear presentation of the gospel message.

Bono: My understanding of the Scriptures has been made simple by the person of Christ. Christ teaches that God is love. What does that mean? What it means for me: a study of the life of Christ. Love here describes itself as a child born in straw poverty, the most vulnerable situation of all, without honor. I don't let my religious world get too complicated. I just kind of go: Well, I think I know what God is. God is love, and as much as I respond [sighs] in allowing myself to be transformed by that love and acting in that love, that's my religion. Where things get complicated for me, is when I try to live this love. Now that's not so easy.

Assayas: What about the God of the Old Testament? He wasn't so "peace and love"?

Bono: There's nothing hippie about my picture of Christ. The Gospels paint a picture of a very demanding, sometimes divisive love, but love it is. I accept the Old Testament as more of an action movie: blood, car chases, evacuations, a lot of special effects, seas dividing, mass murder, adultery. The children of God are running amok, wayward. Maybe that's why they're so relatable. But the way we would see it, those of us who are trying to figure out our Christian conundrum, is that the God of the Old Testament is like the journey from stern father to friend. When you're a child, you need clear directions and some strict rules. But with Christ, we have access in a one-to-one relationship, for, as in the Old Testament, it was more one of worship and awe, a vertical relationship. The New Testament, on the other hand, we look across at a Jesus who looks familiar, horizontal. The combination is what makes the Cross.

Assayas: Speaking of bloody action movies, we were talking about South and Central America last time. The Jesuit priests arrived there with the gospel in one hand and a rifle in the other.

Bono: I know, I know. Religion can be the enemy of God. It's often what happens when God, like Elvis, has left the building. [laughs] A list of instructions where there was once conviction; dogma where once people just did it; a congregation led by a man where once they were led by the Holy Spirit. Discipline replacing discipleship. Why are you chuckling?

Assayas: I was wondering if you said all of that to the Pope the day you met him.

Bono: Let's not get too hard on the Holy Roman Church here. The Church has its problems, but the older I get, the more comfort I find there. The physical experience of being in a crowd of largely humble people, heads bowed, murmuring prayers, stories told in stained-glass windows …

Assayas: So you won't be critical.

Bono: No, I can be critical, especially on the topic of contraception. But when I meet someone like Sister Benedicta and see her work with AIDS orphans in Addis Ababa, or Sister Ann doing the same in Malawi, or Father Jack Fenukan and his group Concern all over Africa, when I meet priests and nuns tending to the sick and the poor and giving up much easier lives to do so, I surrender a little easier.

Assayas: But you met the man himself. Was it a great experience?

Bono: … [W]e all knew why we were there. The Pontiff was about to make an important statement about the inhumanity and injustice of poor countries spending so much of their national income paying back old loans to rich countries. Serious business. He was fighting hard against his Parkinson's. It was clearly an act of will for him to be there. I was oddly moved … by his humility, and then by the incredible speech he made, even if it was in whispers. During the preamble, he seemed to be staring at me. I wondered. Was it the fact that I was wearing my blue fly-shades? So I took them off in case I was causing some offense. When I was introduced to him, he was still staring at them. He kept looking at them in my hand, so I offered them to him as a gift in return for the rosary he had just given me.

Assayas: Didn't he put them on?

Bono: Not only did he put them on, he smiled the wickedest grin you could ever imagine. He was a comedian. His sense of humor was completely intact. Flashbulbs popped, and I thought: "Wow! The Drop the Debt campaign will have the Pope in my glasses on the front page of every newspaper."

Assayas: I don't remember seeing that photograph anywhere, though.

Bono: Nor did we. It seems his courtiers did not have the same sense of humor. Fair enough. I guess they could see the T-shirts.

Later in the conversation:

Assayas: I think I am beginning to understand religion because I have started acting and thinking like a father. What do you make of that?

Bono: Yes, I think that's normal. It's a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between Grace and Karma.

Assayas: I haven't heard you talk about that.

Bono: I really believe we've moved out of the realm of Karma into one of Grace.

Assayas: Well, that doesn't make it clearer for me.

Bono: You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.

Assayas: I'd be interested to hear that.

Bono: That's between me and God. But I'd be in big trouble if Karma was going to finally be my judge. I'd be in deep s---. It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for Grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the Cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity.

Assayas: The Son of God who takes away the sins of the world. I wish I could believe in that.

Bono: But I love the idea of the Sacrificial Lamb. I love the idea that God says: Look, you cretins, there are certain results to the way we are, to selfishness, and there's a mortality as part of your very sinful nature, and, let's face it, you're not living a very good life, are you? There are consequences to actions. The point of the death of Christ is that Christ took on the sins of the world, so that what we put out did not come back to us, and that our sinful nature does not reap the obvious death. That's the point. It should keep us humbled… . It's not our own good works that get us through the gates of heaven.

Assayas: That's a great idea, no denying it. Such great hope is wonderful, even though it's close to lunacy, in my view. Christ has his rank among the world's great thinkers. But Son of God, isn't that farfetched?

Bono: No, it's not farfetched to me. Look, the secular response to the Christ story always goes like this: he was a great prophet, obviously a very interesting guy, had a lot to say along the lines of other great prophets, be they Elijah, Muhammad, Buddha, or Confucius. But actually Christ doesn't allow you that. He doesn't let you off that hook. Christ says: No. I'm not saying I'm a teacher, don't call me teacher. I'm not saying I'm a prophet. I'm saying: "I'm the Messiah." I'm saying: "I am God incarnate." And people say: No, no, please, just be a prophet. A prophet, we can take. You're a bit eccentric. We've had John the Baptist eating locusts and wild honey, we can handle that. But don't mention the "M" word! Because, you know, we're gonna have to crucify you. And he goes: No, no. I know you're expecting me to come back with an army, and set you free from these creeps, but actually I am the Messiah. At this point, everyone starts staring at their shoes, and says: Oh, my God, he's gonna keep saying this. So what you're left with is: either Christ was who He said He was—the Messiah—or a complete nutcase. I mean, we're talking nutcase on the level of Charles Manson. This man was like some of the people we've been talking about earlier. This man was strapping himself to a bomb, and had "King of the Jews" on his head, and, as they were putting him up on the Cross, was going: OK, martyrdom, here we go. Bring on the pain! I can take it. I'm not joking here. The idea that the entire course of civilization for over half of the globe could have its fate changed and turned upside-down by a nutcase, for me, that's farfetched …

Bono later says it all comes down to how we regard Jesus:

Bono: … [I]f only we could be a bit more like Him, the world would be transformed. …When I look at the Cross of Christ, what I see up there is all my s--- and everybody else's. So I ask myself a question a lot of people have asked: Who is this man? And was He who He said He was, or was He just a religious nut? And there it is, and that's the question. And no one can talk you into it or out of it.

From Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assayas, by Michka Assayas, copyright © 2005 by Michka Awwayas. Used by permission of Riverhead Books, an imprint of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. For online information about other Penguin Group (USA) books and authors, see the website at http://www.penguin.com/.

2005-08-14T16:39:00.000+08:00

The headline says it all.

While SR Nathan gets my full vote, I was honestly hoping that Election Day on 27 Aug would have materialised. You can say that I'm an economist at heart - I believe in competition, because monopolies often tend to become inefficient, complacent and over-confident.

Take for example the entry of SMU in 2000. The "young upstart" completely changed the landscape that Singapore universities were so used to operating on. Initially scorned, marketing has now become the new buzzwords of academic institutions which are increasingly tending towards the "privately-run" route of organisation. When the consumer (in this case, students and their parents) become more spoilt for choice, the provider suddenly is forced to sit up and start to woo its market on planes previously untouched, in the knowledge that it can no longer sit back, the attraction of customers no longer a given as before.

But of course, I also don't agree that there should be competition for competition's sake. After all, competition is only truly effective when opponents are worthy enough. Competition between rogues and wimps is no competition at all.

And with that, Mr Nathan - I look forward to another 6 good years of leadership.

2005-08-07T20:15:00.000+08:00

Met my ex-childhood-sweetheart-now-very-good-friend K yesterday, he's in Singapore after having been in Thailand for a missions trip. He's actually working in NZ now, so it's a real treat to see him face-to-face, finally. And yes, he's back here with his Malaysian fiance, J, who's truly the nice, sweet girl he says her to be. They are getting married next year February (thank goodness he's doing the sensible thing of holding the wedding here rather than in NZ, though if he pays for his guests' air tickets there, why not, eh?).

And yes, I can say with all honesty, I am 100% happy for him. I guess it's cos our friendship has come such a long way and matured to a level where we can reminisce together, look back and laugh heartily at all the silly adolescent puppy-love things we used to do. We were never officially together - somehow, when I had a crush on him, he had his sights on someone else; when I finally got over him, then he started to fancy me... It's strange, how these things go. Then again, it wasn't Cupid shooting the arrow, but his pet dog ("puppy love", geddit?), so what can one expect, right?

But I am thankful that our relationship didn't degenerate into those tension-filled ones that so often happen between friends who become more than friends for a while then realise it can't work and find that it's hard to return to being just friends.

I had a guy friend who said this once: it's hard for a guy and girl to be truly CLOSE PLATONIC friends without having experienced romantic feelings for each other, whether spoken or unspoken. But once that threshhold is crossed, it's like a make-or-break situation - you either become real close, platonic friends, or perhaps not even friends at all.

Tricky thing, love is. Then again, I wanna qualify that - love is not a word to be used loosely, as so often is the case.

Have I ever been in love then? Good question. I've been in only one serious relationship before, but that was when I was 18. I used the 4-letter word then. But looking back, I was probably too young to really know what love is.

Even now, I don't profess to have truly grasped it. Yet, it's ok. I'm not worrying.

Perhaps it's like ice-cream to a poor African child - you can describe it with all the world's vocabulary, but it'll never fully measure up to the first wondrous experience of that piece of cold heaven melting in the mouth...

Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps :)

On a related note, I did one of those personality tests that were mentioned in Lifestyle today:

The Sonnet
Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer (DGLDf)

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it?
Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance. (hmmm...)

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

Right...

K, better get my head out of the clouds and into my luggage bag to pack for tomorrow's conference in Malaysia...

2005-08-06T21:34:00.000+08:00

Today there was an article lamenting the poor service in Singapore (apparently we've fallen from 8th to 21th position in ranking), and the seeming impossibility of developing local service staff into becoming more gracious, courteous, and even merely more informed about their products and company. It seems that, unlike Aussies and Londoners, we, like most other countries, are motivated, to provide good service, by money. While salary is always a timeless incentive, what ever happened to good ol' job satisfaction?

I actually did work as a waitress once, at a small cafe at Change Alley (it closed down shortly after I left cos the lady boss wanted a break). I don't think I'm biased when I say that my colleagues were actually very nice and warm people, and were equally polite and accomodating to our customers. But it was interesting to observe the various attitudes of the customers themselves. For one, it was the expatriates who were more generous with a smile and a polite word, and we actually felt like we were being spoken to as human beings, rather than mere faceless machines just 'ordered' to complete the task of collecting money in return for providing the food/drink, as we often would otherwise feel. Maybe, as pointed out in the article, our society is more hierachal than flat, and thus respect is dished upwards, but never downwards or even sideways. Have we lost a basic respect for a person as a human being, as fearfully and wonderfully made as the rest of us, irregardless of status or job or appearance? Or have we turned towards valuing those around us by accomplishments, by what we see in the outward?

I was in MacDonalds the other day, and a lady customer walked in. "Hi, welcome!" greetings came all around from the staff of Macs, and one staff even went right to the lady to welcome her in. But the lady, not one glance did she give to the staff. Not even a nod of acknowledgement, or anything to signify that she had even noticed their existence. Instead, she made a beeline to her companion, who was already sitting down, oblivious to all else.

Man. Would a smile hurt??

Of course, I'm guilty of the above too. There have been some days (which I'm not proud of), when I wear a 'don't touch me or talk to me' look on my face when I enter shops. I'm the kind of customer that prefers to be left alone to shop, rather than have a shadow hang by me. But I'd like to think that I have one small saving grace of smiling slightly to acknowledge the 'bye, see you again' that is often dished out by the staff.

Perhaps interning in a service line should be made compulsory across all schools. After all, to lead is to first serve.

Anyway. Got the below link via email. Def worth the webpage detour :)

HERE'S A CUP OF COFFEE FOR YOU...
Instructions:
1. CLICK ON THE LINK BELOW
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE (on the end of your cursor)
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5. CLICK ON "APRI"

ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://www.cartoline.it/pics/_zoom_flash.htm?immagine=scherzi_150404_01.swf

P.S Don't forget to click on the APRI at the end, it makes all the difference.

2005-08-03T20:43:00.000+08:00

In conjunction with Singapore's 40th birthday, a local health & nutrition store is having the following promotion:

40% off the 2nd bottle
25% off the 1st bottle*
* - only for one item

This would suggest that:

If you buy 1 bottle, you get 25% off it.
If you buy 2 bottles, you get 40% off the 2nd bottle, but pay full price for the 1st; i.e. if 1 bottle costs $100 & you buy 2 bottles, you'll pay a total of $100 + $(100-40) = $160, hence an effective discount of 40/200 = 20% per bottle.

Then wouldn't it make more sense to buy each bottle separately under the 25% discount?

Hmmm.

2005-08-03T16:37:00.000+08:00

The Snapple Iced Tea bottle cap (drank it this afternoon) reads as follows:

"Real Fact" #454: Polar bear fur is transparent, not white.

Wonder why the words 'Real Fact' are apostrophed - you mean the fact isn't real?? (not the case here, I checked - yes, polar bear fur is indeed transparent.)

Don't underestimate the power of punctuation, it can change the whole meaning of a phrase or sentence.

Case in point:

Sentence: "a woman without her man is nothing"
Punctuation 1: "A woman without her man is nothing."
Punctuation 2: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

I would say that both meanings apply though, for though Eden was made because Adam needed a helper (i.e. Adam could not be alone), Eden would be nothing without Adam's rib :)

2005-07-31T20:02:00.000+08:00

I have a certain love-hate relationship with weddings.

On one hand, I'm a sucker for anything romantic (as my love for romantic comedies can testify), and seeing the bride resplendent in her wedding gown conjures images of how I'd want my own wedding dress to be (hey, honestly, who ever remembers how the groom's tux looks like?). The question of "when will my prince come" starts to appear whimsically in my mind, behind the dazed/glazed look that possesses my face as the groom leans over to kiss the bride, a husband's first kiss to his wife.

But THAT, of course, is the very double-edged sword that pinpricks my heart, not aided by the CNY-type questions of "When is it going to be your turn, ah?" that inevitably come up in any conversation that's held at a wedding/wedding reception/wedding dinner, not necessarily needing the conversation to be in any way related to one's own marital status.

"Eh, the spring rolls very nice hor."
"Yah lor. When yours ah?"
"When my what? You want me to cook spring rolls for you ah?"
"No lah. When your turn lah. Time to start looking lah you." (nudge nudge, wink wink)

Yes, I've actually been living on a mountain for the past 22 (coming 23) years of my life, secluded from anything remotely male.

So weddings can be a rude wakeup call. Especially when I just found out at S's wedding dinner yesterday (my angst aside, it was a lovely wedding. My future husband had better serenade to me as S did to hers.) that a peer of mine is EXPECTING, and has been, for 8 months.

"So when your turn ah?"

Of course, there's the small question of first finding the right guy. I'm surrounded by many of the male species, and many among them are dear friends with many merits and who will one day form the perfect fit to one-half of a couple.

But for now, for me, that's just it. Friends, but life partner? None yet.

Maybe I'm not opening my eyes big enough. Maybe I'm guilty of being the picky Singaporean woman we're often criticised to be.

However, no matter how people view me as being self-assured and independent, at the very heart of it, conservative ol' me wants to support, complement, and submit to a life partner, a best friend, the head of my future household. I don't want to wear the apron only, nor do I want to wear the pants. I want to be the Proverbs 31 wife.

Perhaps someday I'll post what I look for in my future partner - but today's not that day :)

On a totally different note, I moved one step closer to conquering my squemishness with lizards today.

Yes, that is NOT a prop. It's been affectionately named "The Mask" by its young owner (no prizes for guessing why), and is a female actually.

Since young I've always disliked lizards. Cockroaches are ok, bugs are ok, frogs are ok. Lizards? I tend to prefer to stay well clear of the slimy creatures, having this particular hidden fear that when their tails fall off, they'd jump around and wriggle into my ear...

I guess the size of this lizard's tail disqualifies that from ever happening. Though I provided free entertainment to my youth this afternoon with facial expressios I never knew I could possibly form.

The joys of youth ministry :)

2005-07-28T21:23:00.000+08:00

The view from my GE cubicle this morning:

Told you it was nice. Was talking to my AL about it, and she commented that the sunset is even more beautiful, with the setting sun's rays shimmering on the rippling waters at Clifford Pier. Perhaps I'll stay back one of the evenings to catch it.

Sure am going to miss the cubicle man...

But for now I've made it home :)

Anyway, I've finally gotten my GE email! Apparently, there is really just ONE Sarah Seow working at GE (you're "looking" at her), and the duplication arose out of miscommunication between some of the departments. Anyhoo, it's over, and I'm finally plugged in. I think I spent most of the time trying to figure out a password for my GE laptop that would meet the security criteria set by the company:

1) Must be at least 8 characters long
2) Must have at least 1 uppercase letter & 1 lowercase letter
3) Must have at least 2 numbers
4) Must have at least 1 special symbol (e.g. @, *)
5) Must start & end with a letter

I can safely say that more brainjuice was spent simply trying to remember the password than doing actual work :P

To top it off, I'm required to change the password every 1-2 months, and the new password must not be similar to the previous 10 passwords...

Talk about

2005-07-27T20:37:00.000+08:00

I still haven't gotten my GE email, or even my GE ID yet, not to mention my own table. BUT it's a blessing in disguise for the latter, cos I've been temporary placed in the Tax Head's table, which is not so much a table as it is a cubicle with an AWESOME view and so much privacy too. Came to office early today (7.25am) to do my personal devotion, and it was deserted. Think tomorrow I'll try doing my devotion while facing the view, maybe I can catch the sunrise. Am going to miss this table when I shift to my real one come 11 Aug. But meanwhile, will enjoy every moment of it :)

I'm beginning to realise the power of Excel though. The tasks that have been given to me require creative use of the formulas, and I've been spending time just fiddling around with the different Excel function to see how they can make my worksheet more dynamic. Should have taken CAT when I was in SMU lah (yes, what we study actually CAN come in useful).

Hazel called my handphone just now to arrange the booking of air tickets for the FMP conference in Port Dickson, Malaysia on 8-10 Aug (will miss Singapore's 40th birthday :(). Yes, I'm already travelling in my 3rd week of work. There are 2 formal dinners to dress up for though, one is Blue & White themed, and the other, Hollywood (hum.). Oh well, more reason to go shopping - even before I get my salary (which will GIROed into my account on the 25th). Heh. They should give us a clothing allowance. Then again, there's much more to be thankful about. The mere fact of still being able to go home at 5.30pm is enough reason to jump for joy :P Must treasure these moments man, while they last...

What am I saying? Of COURSE they'll last! :)

2005-07-26T21:06:00.000+08:00

My office email has STILL not been set up yet. Apparently there's some confusion going on cos there's another Sarah Seow working in GE (!!!), but in another branch in Singapore. Go figure the probability of that happening. Then again, Sarah is a common name, and Seow a common surname. Maybe I should go find out if she's related to me...

But at least I could still access my laptop (provided to me by GE, it's a Dell Latitude I think), and was able to start on some of the tasks assigned to me, so I wasn't twiddling my thumbs the entire day :) Left at 5.45pm today, with my Assignment Leader (AL) thanking me for "being so hardworking". I sure hope that wasn't sacarsm; I'm terrible at catching such hints.

On a totally off-tangent note, I met a super sweet Angmoh Daddy who was carrying his son on his shoulders, and held open the door to a shop for me at the same time - both when I went in and out! (No he wasn't an employee, he was there to buy something too, we just happened to have the same timing). And it wasn't that I was directly behind him so he HAD to open the door for me - I was actually quite a few steps away from the door, but he waited for me when he saw I was coming out. Felt so bad that I RAN those last few steps to the door (or rather, wobbled quickly in my heels) so that he didn't have to hold the door open for me for too long. Made me start thinking if a local guy would do the same, to go out of his way as he did to be a gentleman.

Maybe I'm morphing into a closet SPG....................

But ONLY for the character, not the skin hor.

2005-07-25T23:25:00.000+08:00

1st day of work, I was overdressed - wore a black suit (jacket & pants) with a collared blouse inside, only to step into the office realising that the rest were a whole lot more casual. My Assignment Leader was dressed simply in a plain coloured collared blouse, untucked, with black pants and comfy-looking slip-in shoes. Should have taken Mum's advice and left the jacket at home. No matter. Looking forward to all the shopping I can do! hehe...

Aside from that minor embarrassment (if it was one at all), everything else went well today. And I really thank God for orchestrating everything so perfectly in line with what's happening with the youth ministry - truly, this is a job that supports the ministry, not the other way round! For instance, the office is conveniently located at Tung Centre, with the busstop just a few metres outside the building and a straight bus (10) to church.

Secondly, my Assignment Leader is a lady who told me straight that they are trying to change the culture of 'staying late out of obligation', and doesn't believe in people having to come back and work on weekends or staying late excessively. In her own words: "If you can finish all your work within 8.30am to 5.30pm, more power to you!" But the emphasis is not on how hard you work, but the results you deliver, which I find to be a good thing - gives me more flexibility with time, and ensures that I WILL be able to make it for Monday comm meetings and the weekend services! Praise God!

Thirdly, the exposure here is excellent. Because it is a relatively small unit, roles are overlapped, so there'll be constant variations of tasks to do, which I love. Not only that, the people themselves are so international. For example, during one of the two meetings I sat in for today (yes, 2 meetings on my first day!), I realised that among the 6 of us, 1 is from the Czech Republic, 1 from New Zealand, 1 from the UK (my Assignment Leader), 1 from India, and the remaining 2 of us from Singapore. Amazing, though part of the steep learning curve I'd have to undertake would be to understand the accents :P

Too bad though, that some websites are blocked and can't be accessed while I'm in GE, i.e. the typical Hotmail, Yahoo, Gmail, even Blogspot (I tried). No matter, at least the SMU email is still accessible, and I'll be getting my GE email address tomorrow.

A good start, but Lord, I want to finish well too - I need You more than ever, thank You for always being right with me, and truly help me to live each day to, above all, in all I do, please YOU.

2005-07-24T21:25:00.000+08:00

My skin just grew thicker by 2 cm.

The 1st cm happened when I was shopping at Suntec today. I was in the changing room (where curtains instead of doors are used to preserve one's modesty), and was happily in between changing blouses when suddenly, in a split second, the curtain was drawn, a head popped in, and eyes belonging to an auntie stared at me from behind her glasses. And without as much of an apology, the head was withdrawn (at least she had the decency to draw the curtain back). Perhaps the nightmare of seeing me in that state shocked her speechless. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.

P/S I did buy the blouse in the end.

The 2nd cm happened when I decided to tag along with my dad and bro to buy durians from Marine Parade. While they were sniffing out the durians, I went to the brightly-lit NTUC to buy my shampoo, and before meeting them, popped into some other brightly-lit shops with tons of people to look at other items. It was only when I reached home that I realised that I had proudly walked the streets of Marine Parade with a white blob of Oxy 10 pimple cream smack in the middle of my forehead (I'd generously applied it before dinner to tame an up-and-coming pimple so that I'll look pretty for work tomorrow).

Oh well. As long as I don't embarrass myself tomorrow on my first day at GE.

On a totally unrelated but much more inspirational note, S's letter came in the mail over the weekend. He wrote it after our prison tele-visit (before the subsequent face-to-face one) 2 weeks ago. I know he won't mind me sharing it, because I told him that I'll be passing it around. It's too much of a powerful testimony to keep under wraps. Here it is, in his exact words:

11 July 2005
It's so so great to see you today. Actually, it reminds me of the evening we first met in church. And the feeling is still so new, like yesterday. Time really flies, and it's been almost 2 years since then. However, I didn't just let the time goes by without achieving anything profitable. For all this I'll have to thank God for His mercy, love & blessings upon me & the encouragement & strength He has given me thru you & your faith in Christ. It's Him who makes me wanna change, who helps me thru in the changing process. I give God the credit b'cos it's He who bless me with all the encounters, wisdom, knowledge, understanding & enlightenment to view this world in a different perspective.
When I was much more younger, I always thought that there must be some kind of "power" that is controlling the universe. And later on when I took up drugs (especially when depressed), I always cried out in my mind to this imaginative "power" whom I believed knew what was going on around me. Yet I do not feel even a bit of identity in "it". Pls don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to emphasise on taking drugs to have this kind of feeling. The message I wanna convey to you is that I've been searching for a reason to live & the comfort to trust in ever since I was but 12. And now finally, this Power (God) does really exist & is not only my fairy-tale, childish, naive thinking. I feel more safe & being in love. That's why I'm so willing to change to be in God's love & enjoy His blessings; to be in the correct path of life.
I must also thank you for serving as an encouragement to me. You are a treasured sister who I admire & trust enough to learn from you, imitate you, just as you also imitate Christ. And someday when it's time, I shall be like you, serving in God's ministry. Believe me, I will.

To God be all the glory. Truly, He's still very much in the business of transforming lives.

2005-07-21T23:33:00.000+08:00

4 years of SMU life have gone past way too fast (let alone the 17 years or so of my life as a student).

Year 1 (2001-2002)

That's me at Convocation 2001 (standing, extreme right), with the SMU scarf that I've worn only twice or thrice in the past 4 years. But it does add a creative twist, as opposed to the typical blazer-tie deal.

One of my first project groups (for Communication Skills). To think I actually had black hair!

Year 2 (2002-2003)

My project group for some finance course I think. The guy on the left is an exchange student from NUS. During that period of time there were a number of letters written to newspapers that questioned the 'substance' (or lack of) of SMU students - and this NUS friend of mine wrote in to defend SMU! (and yes his letter got published in the ST Forum.)

I went on SMU's 2nd study trip to UBC (Vancouver, Canada). This picture was taken on the night before our final exam at UBC (subject was International Business). Miss the communal studying/snacking.

Year 3 (2003-2004)

Taken on the day of the practical 'dining out' quiz for Finishing Touch (I'm the 'hair' on the extreme right). I don't think I'd ever wear my hair like that in reality though - too much trouble (I already find putting on makeup a hassle...).

With my bro & Microsoft's ex-CFO Mr John Connors, after emceeing for the event when he came to SMU to give a talk. I found out later that he had remarked that I was a 'perky' emcee. I shall just take that to be a good thing (glass half full, y'know).

At Seattle with Themin & Dawn after having won the Microsoft-SMU Business Challenge (by God's grace alone). And yes, we ARE wearing bibs - part of the whole seafood-eating experience.

Year 4 (2004-2005)

On exchange to Sweden. I still miss the weather + bread!

After a successful presentation for Strategy, one of my last ones for the term and in SMU. Gonna miss the late night emails & MSN conferencing for projects.

At Red 'd Fusion (the Accountancy Gala dinner) with my bro. P/S I was ASKED to look 'dao' hor!

And finally, all of these culminating in...

SMU Commencement 2005 (i.e. a fancy way of saying 'graduation ceremony') that was held just yesterday. But as a rose by any other name smells just as sweet, Commencement / graduation felt just as bittersweet.

Thank you for the memories.

2005-07-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

I finally was able to meet S face-to-face at Kaki Bukit Prison Centre, after writing to him all these months. It's good to see him again - it's been more than a year since we last saw each other at his sentencing. But it was a good and fruitful 20 minutes of catchup (I embarrassingly hogged the visitation time, while his father and brother sat aside in amusement). Really thank God that I was able to make it for this face-to-face visit before I start work next week (cos visitation is only allowed on Monday mornings).

S looks rosy and healthy. He says that he has been working out, aside from his studying. Am so glad he's being fruitful with his time, and even more thankful that he's part of a strong Christian fellowship inside. They're doing the Alpha course, and they're going to have their very own Holy Spirit weekend this coming weekend! (S tells me excitedly that he's going to pray for the Holy Spirit this Sat). He's growing strong both physically and spiritually, and I tell him to keep on keeping on, and prepare himself for the day he comes back into society, cos that's where the real challenge is. My other friends who reenter society stay 'clean' for a while, but fall back when back in the old surroundings again. But I believe that it will be different for S.

Meanwhile I'm reaching out to his dad and his brother, A, the latter having come to church over the weekend. A just fell out of ITE for poor attendance, and is now working in Macs, while planning to retake his 'N' levels next year. Of course his dad was angry with him. But I'm thankful that A is enjoying coming to church (and asks if he can come to church to play during the week - of course can!). Environment does play such an important part. My prayer now is that his dad will also be open to A becoming a Christian (now he allows his son to come to church to play, but not to fully 'participate' yet, because they are Buddhists). But step by step, and meanwhile, prayer. After all, we plant the seeds and water them, but it is the Holy Spirit who makes them grow.

Holy Spirit, open up their spiritual eyes and take away the blindness caused by the god of this world to reveal the Person and reality of Jesus Christ to them both, I pray, that truly, the entire household will be saved!

Btw, I'm wondering about something. At Kaki Bukit, friends and family are allowed to pass the inmates appropriate reading material e.g. magazines and books, but the list of NOT approved magazines includes, along with FHM and Maxim, TIME and Newsweek! Wonder why the latter is disallowed...part of the Nanny, authoritarian system that does not allow for independent thinking?

2005-07-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

Overheard on the plane back from Perth:

Mum: "Your dad doesn't like it when the plane takes off and lands."
Son: "Why?"
Mum: "I guess it's because your dad likes to be in control of things, you
know, to be in charge."
Son: "Oh, so you mean Dad wants to be the pilot!"
Mum: "Yeaaaa...."

(On peeking, it was an Aussie family travelling to Germany via transit at Singapore. And yes, Dad wasn't on board.)

Other random observations about Perth

Observation #1: Love their advertisements

Observation #2: Singaporean imposters

(Killiney? :P)

2005-07-14T21:49:00.000+08:00

Once again I explored the streets of Perth today (first Fremantle in the morning, then downtown in the afternoon), while enjoying breaks in my hotel room in between. That's the good thing about Perth - it's so small that everything's within walking distance, and the weather's perfect for walking too. It's like a nearer version of Europe (but I still miss European bread lah :P).

Self-portrait #3: On board the ferry to Fremantle.

It was a good time of reflection though. Especially realising that I've seen 3 rainbows yesterday and today - talk about a reaffirming of God's promises.

One of the 3 rainbows...the other 2 were in the sky, but didn't manage to capture them on camera. Pity.

I also had dinner with Bel, her parents and her friend KyShen (hope I got his name spelt right) at this place called Fishy Affair, selling seafood (obviously). I ordered grilled salmon, while the rest ordered the seafood platter. The salmon was pretty good, but the seafood platter seemed disappointing, with the prawns not very fresh and some breaded fish tasting like bread :P Think I enjoyed the seafood meal I had at Seattle a lot more - so far that's been the best seafood meal I've had so far :) but it was a good time of catching up with the company lah.

Pile on the fish! (I still think Mum's homecooked steamed fish tastes better though)

Me & Bel - our heads on the platter.

Last night here, chilling in my bed in front of the black box watching Law and Order... I think I've watched more TV over the past 3 days than over the past 3 months :P

2005-07-13T22:31:00.000+08:00

(139:1) O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
(139:2) You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
(139:3) You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
(139:4) Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.

I'm seeing this omnipresent and omniscient aspects of God at play during this trip. For one, I'd actually SMSed Aunty Lily asking her for Bel's Aussie hp number (was considering surprising her), and guess what? Aunty Lily and Uncle Peter are in Perth too, and they just arrived on Mon midnight! And when I met with them first (to plan for how I can leap in and really shock Bel), Aunty Lily shared with me that apparently, she had an impression to pray for me during last Sunday's prayer intercessory meeting. Coincidence? I don't think so. Perhaps the Lord has preordained me to be here for a reason... Or either that, He's sent His servants all the way here just for my sake. Hehe. But really, even here He is here with me. So good and reassuring to know that...

So yep, got to catch up with Bel and Uncle Peter over tea in the late afternoon (Aunty Lily was at a meeting), but more with Bel, and I think it was a timely chitchat.

But meanwhile, the rest of the day was spent just trawling the streets and shoreline of Perth, enjoying the cool weather (so must walk as much as possible mah). Perth feels like Lund actually - there are students EVERYWHERE, especially Asian ones. I think I blend in perfectly, which is good for me who wants time off. Don't want to be too attention-grabbing too (like it was in Turkey - I think I was the tourist attraction there).

Cirque du Soleil was in town!

Self-portrait #1: Chubby cheeks in all their close-up glory, so...

Self-portrait #2: Courtesy of a UWA jogger hailing from Malaysia.

K am going to have an early night. My left eye is strangely red, hoping to sleep it off...

(I actually did take a picture of my eye...but on second thoughts, I'll spare you all the nightmare :P)

2005-07-12T22:29:00.000+08:00

In a way, I still can't believe that I'm in Perth right now - ALL ALONE. This is perhaps the most impulsive thing I've done so far, perhaps the first time my emotions have ruled my head. Is that good or bad? Some say one should live for the moment...yet there seems something wrong about just living for today without care for tomorrow. Well, perhaps this trip WILL do me good in the tomorrow of my return, but then, only time will tell.

Whatever it is, God is still so good. His hand was upon me even through this last-min whim of mine... I'm thankful for His grace. Firstly, the discovery of Internet check-in for Krisflyer members allowed me to choose the exact seat I wanted, and to reach the airport just one hour before the plane took off, giving me more time to rest and say goodbye to my parents. The physical checking-in was smooth (for once I did not have any piece of check-in luggage thanks to the small trusty Samsonite), the flight attendants helped me to stow my Samsonite in the overhead compartment, I finally managed to watch Hitch and Miss Congeniality 2 (something I've been wanting to do for a long time), I got to take the free shuttle bus to the hotel even though my name was not on the list, the last-min hotel booking online (I didn't get the hotel confirmation via email in time) actually got through and not only did I get a room, my room is HUGE - enough for 3 people to stay in! And it's really really nice. I'm now chilling in front of the TV, reclining on the single bed (I'm sleeping on the queen-sized bed :P), with the huge kettle beside me hehe.

This is truly a blessing.

2005-07-12T07:15:00.000+08:00

I can't believe this. I'm jumping on a jet plane in 2 hours' time, having decided to scoot off to Perth at just 11pm last night. In a way, this seems crazy and impulsive...and yet, it's something I've been wanting to do before I start work - to just take a trip somewhere, alone, and soak things in. My Mum's afraid it's escapism. Perhaps she's right. But I am looking forward to this insane step I'm taking, to for once be less of a control freak and just go with the flow.

Random observation of the day

MacDonald's changed the colour of the cover of the coffee cup. Wonder how much more that cost, and what's the rationale for the change, since the white one worked perfectly well. (Yes, I think these things :P)

2005-07-10T22:32:00.000+08:00

Am typing this in the comfort of my bed. Ah, the wonders of wireless technology.

Anyway I had a good long chat with Mum, Dad and Kor after dinner. It's been a long while since we did that, and it was a nice feeling :) Mum and Dad just came back from Perth (their --th honeymoon lah :P), and it was a good break for them. Wished I could have joined them, especially in basking in the cool weather of the Australian winter... 14 deg!!! I really love the cold. I remember how my Swedish friends thought me crazy for loving the snow so much, when they can't wait for the sun to come out, and when I was in Israel, the Scandinavians who were on the same study tour were using every opportunity to go fry in the sun by the poolside during their free-time; I just made sure I got myself in the covering of good ol' aircon. The sun's always brighter on the other side of the world (or in my case, the snow's always whiter...) :P

100 things about myself (cont'd) -
#31-40: 10 things I want to do before I die:

31. Go skydiving.
32. Bungee-jump.
33. Write my own book.
34. Ride a dog-sled.
35. Hug an African child.
36. Eat French bread in France.
37. Have a casual conversation over coffee with the President or Prime Minister.
38. Fly in Business Class at least once.
39. Be fluent in one more language other than English and Mandarin (dialets included).
40. Get married (haha).

Isaac you Diva.

2005-07-08T21:43:00.000+08:00

I started on a 100 things about myself list, but only managed to squeeze out 30 so far. More to come, I promise :)

I was born in November 1982 at exactly 7.32am. (Believe it was a beautiful sunny morning with birds chirping and Louis Armstrong singing "What A Wonderful World". At least that's what I think. But I'm sure my parents feel the same.)
The event took place in Mount Alvernia. ("in", cos it's a hospital, not a mountain. The only thing that comes close to a mountain in Singapore is Bukit Timah Hill. Even then, some consider even that a mere bump on the earth's surface.)
My elder brother was born 2 years earlier in August at 7.32pm. (We're pretty close friends now, though many mistake us to be 'steads'. Hmm.)
My younger brother was born 6 years later in November at 4-something pm. (Again, we've been mistaken to be 'steads', most recently by a fruit stall uncle in Katong. What's up man??)
When I was a child, I took forever to finish a meal. (I remember taking 3-hours to finish my lunch. I took a nap in between munching my rice and boiled carrots. Can you blame me?)
I was often fed 'vegetable pudding' for lunch cos my maid couldn't cook anything much else. (Before one cries "Child abuse!" it must be noted that I'm thankful for good ol' veggies - they gave me my rosy cheeks. Though what definitely helps is that the 'trauma' took place in my younger years when memory functions weren't that developed yet, so I don't think I'm facing any lasting psychological damage.)
In primary school, I was a tomboy with a thick fringe that covered half my face. (My teacher called me "Egyptian princess", but the guys of course didn't dare to. I once whacked a guy on his back, and my handprint stayed there for 5 days.)
In secondary school, I grew long hair and wore shorts under my skirt. (What can I say, I was in transition.)
In junior college, I had clips in my hair, but still wore shorts under my skirt. (I'll probably always be a tomboy at heart.)
I know of at least 5 other people with the same name as me. (Why not? It IS a beautiful name ;))
My parents call me "Princess". (That's the meaning of my name. I'd like to think of myself as a "Warrior Princess" - think Xena, not Barbie.)
Some call me "Chili Padi". (1.53m height, but with a voice that has led cheers in front of a crowd of 1,000. What can I say, God is just.)
One calls me "Elephant Backside". (Long story, but basically it's got to do with a favourite T-shirt and an elephant motif with a certain part of the anatomy strategically positioned behind. Pun fully intended.)
I call him "MPOP". (Warning: Appetite spoiler ahead. MPOP = Melted Puddle Of Pus. Ah, the joys of adolescence and acne.)
I am allergic to kiwi fruit. (And to think it used to be my favourite fruit. Then one fine day, I happily dug into a birthday cake lined with kiwi slices, and my throat struck back by swelling. I thought it was a one-time thing, but subsequent experiments and consequent painful mutterings later, I surrendered.)
And also to any form of metallic jewelry. (The only kind I can take is white gold, or non-metallic ones like plastic or wood. Yah, high class skin lah. Sometimes feel like "the Princess and the Pea".)
I love bread. (Atkins who?)
And yoghurt. (or "yogurt" or "yoghourt" or "yogourt". C'mon, how many ways can you call what essentially is "bacterial fermentation of milk"?)
And durian. (My mum says it's cos she ate lots of it while she was pregnant with me. Well as long as I didn't end up smelling like one.)
I love coffee. (Ok, that's a mute point, considering the blog.)
Though green tea's definitely on par. (I have my own kettle in my room.)
I have a scar under my chin. (Fell in the bathtub when I was young.)
And a 'polar bear' shaped one on my right hand. (The result of a failed experiment with burnt oil pastel crayons. Didn't tell my parents till 3 months later when the confession was borne out of the necessity of an infected wound. Doc said the scar would have been much smaller if I had gone straight to the doc. In other words, "Serves you right for not telling Mum & Dad!")
I love travelling. (Ear-popping side effects aside.)
And airplane food. (YES, I do. I remember one particular curry dish served by Indian airlines - Yummmm. Though its breakfast muffin did look suspicious.)
I took SIA's very first long-haul direct flight from US to Singapore in August 2004. (On Microsoft's bank account!)
I don't like driving. (I did start to take driving lessons in 2002, but got busy - read: sian - and gave up halfway. Not proud of it. Hoping to kickstart the engine again soon.)
I prefer being chauffeured. (I seriously don't mind taking the bus and MRT. At least I don't have to stress about inconsiderate drivers or too-low speed limits.)
But I did sit in a limousine once. (That was in Canada, and I shared it with a bunch of friends. It was alright - a car with sofas.)
I bike though. (I used to cycle to and fro home and VJC, till I found some unfortunate guys who offered to walk me home. True friends indeed :))

2005-07-08T21:39:00.000+08:00

When old and young collide.

2005-07-07T23:47:00.000+08:00

It was just brought to my attention (courtesy of ex-coursemate and soon-to-be-colleague Hazel) that instead of working at Tanjong Pagar (GE Tower) as I had originally thought, I'll be working at Suntec City instead - YEAH! Not only much more convenient for me from home (2 straight buses, journey time about 10 mins), it's also much more convenient to go to church from there as well (3 straight buses!). Praise God! It is truly a timely blessing, considering that church ministry is projected to be rather intensive in the second half of the year - a GOOD challenge that's exciting and worth pressing on for!

Ok today's going to be a short post (bed's a-calling, wanna sleep off whatever bug that seems to be coming on), but first, re the brain teaser prize - now now boys, don't fight (I always wanted to say that :P). D did come first, but R, we can negotiate. First - what prize lah. Kopi? (This IS, after all, the kuppakopi mah...)

2005-07-06T23:16:00.000+08:00

MindYourBody: You are only young once, so...
Harold De Castro: Travel the world and absorb the different cultures.

This reply given by the former Mr Singapore made me think of my standing on his comment. I am truly grateful for having had the blessing of travelling the world to a wider extent than most people, a privilege that I do not take lightly nor want to be boastful about. It has been all His grace and favour.

Places I have travelled so far:-

North America
USA: Orlando, Florida; Seattle, Washington
Canada: Vancouver, Whistler, Victoria Island, the Rockies

South America
NIL :(

Europe
Sweden: Lund, Malmo, Krichanstad, Stockholm, Trelliborg
Denmark: Copenhagen
Norway: Oslo
Germany: Berlin, Rostock
Holland: Amsterdam, Rotterdam
Italy: Rome, Florence, Venice, Pisa
Austria: Graz, Vienna
Czech Republic: Prague
Hungary: Budapest
Finland: Helsinki
Russia: Moscow, St Petersburg
Israel: Jerusalem, the Dead Sea, the Judean Desert, Galilee
Turkey: Istanbul

I pause here to recall a quick experience I had in Turkey that made me fall in love with its people. An excerpt from a journal entry dated 24 June of this year:

Kor and I were passing through a small, humble neighbourhood, and my attention was caught by a bakery of pita, a flat bread often eaten with kebab. A stone oven is still used, and I think the bakery supplies such pitas in bulk to kebab shops, rather than sell them individually. But as we passed by, the little boys in the bakery said hello and were so 'smiley', so we popped in to take a few shots of them. I, forever the breadlover, then asked the baker if I could buy one of the pitas to try, and he immediately just gave me the one freshly taken from the oven (it was on the shovel-like utencil he was holding to take out pitas from the oven - it was THAT freshly baked!), and for FREE, even though I tried to pay for it! What a touching gesture... So I asked one of the little boys to come pose with me and the piping-hot pita, and the little boy took the opportunity to kiss me on my cheeks :P

And of course, a picture speaks a thousand words, what more 2:

No he wasn't ripping my hair off for stealing a pita :P

A kiss for a photo.

Asia
South Korea: Seoul, Yongpyong
China: Kunming, Yunnan
India: Calcutta
Nagaland
Thailand: Phuket
Philippines: Manila
Indonesia: Jakarta, Batam Island
Malaysia: Johor Bahru, Port Dickson, Kelantan, Penang, Kuala Lumpur, Genting Highlands, Cameron Highlands
Australia: Perth, Sydney, Melbourne, Gold Coast, Brisbane, Adelaide, Tasmania, Blue Mountains
New Zealand: Auckland, Queenstown, Christchurch

Africa
NIL :(

Places I hope to travel to in future, God willing (in no order of preference):-

Mongolia
Poland
France
Spain
Sweden: Kiruna, Jonkoping
Norway: Bergen
China: Beijing, Shanghai
Hong Kong
Taiwan
Japan
Vietnam
Laos
Myanmar
USA: New York
Africa
Indonesia: Bali
Thailand: Chiang Mai, Bangkok (beyond the airport :P)

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

Brain teaser results: Only one brave soul attempted it (and yes, the answer does seem logical) (or maybe, only one brave - and poor- soul actually reads this blog ;)) So yes Darren, the prize is yours to claim! Now for the small matter of determining the prize - up for negotiation :)

2005-07-05T23:06:00.000+08:00

Today I broke my brain fast without much fanfare. The first thing I did when I laid hands on the TODAY paper was to check the movie timings (am going to watch War Of The Worlds this Thursday). So, rather than devouring the newspaper (as one would expect from someone deprived of something for a long time), I was reading it perhaps somewhat out of obligation to update myself on what's going on in the world (but in truth, mainly to pass the time on the bus). This is a far cry from the me a few months ago, whose daily routine HAD to include TODAY and Life!. And when I finally can buy 8 Days... for some strange reason, I chose not to. It was as if it no longer had a hold over me, a hold that seemed so strong when I was fasting from it, just a few days ago. Perhaps it's because forbidden fruit tastes sweeter, or perhaps it's cos I've really found something that satiates the hunger of my mind much better - a brain food that also satisfies the spirit.

Since we're on the topic of brains, here's a brain teaser that a friend sent via email. I haven't figured out the solution though...anyone care to venture a guess? The first person to provide a logical answer (comment to the post) can negotiate for a prize... ;)

--

4 criminals are caught and are to be punished. The Judge allows them to be freed if they can solve a puzzle. If they do not, they will be hung. They agreed.

The 4 criminals are lined up on some steps (shown in picture). They are all facing in the same direction. A wall separates the fourth man from the other three.

So to summarise:-
Man 1 can see men 2 and 3.
Man 2 can see man 3.
Man 3 can see none of the others.
Man 4 can see none of the others.

The criminals are wearing hats. They are told that there are two white hats and two black hats. The men initially don't know what colour hat they are wearing. They are told to shout out the colour of the hat that they are wearing as soon as they know for certain what colour it is. They are not allowed to turn round or move. They are not allowed to talk to each other. They are not allowed to take their hats off.

Who is the first person to shout out and why?

P/S The email says that there's no trick to this, just logical deduction. Hum. Not very reassuring to my ego :P

2005-07-03T20:57:00.000+08:00

It's the second last day of my brain fast today, and it's never been more tempting to break it. Today is a self-imposed day of rest for me, and I've never had such a battle in my mind, with thoughts rationalising that it's OK to break it, just pick up that 8 Days magazine or Lifestyle!, you deserve it, etc etc. Truly the mind is the devil's playing field, the part that he loves to have a stronghold over, because what controls the mind controls the man. But really praise God that He provided a way out from under it, and I've spent the time committing to read another power Christian book The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee. I'm still at the first chapter, but already, pow, simple truths made revelation. Watchman Nee writes about the blood of Christ:

What then of our attitude to Satan? This is important, for he accuses us not only before God but in our own conscience also. 'You have sinned, and you keep on sinning. You are weak, and God can have nothing more to do with you.' This is his argument. And our temptation is to look within and in self-defence to try to find in ourselves, in our feelings or our behaviour, some ground for believing that Satan is wrong. Alternatively we are tempted to admit our helplessness and, going to the other extreme, to yield to depression and despair. Thus accusation becomes one of the greatest and most effective of Satan's weapons. He points to our sins and seeks to charge us with them before God, and if we accept his accusations we go down immediately.
Now the reason why we so readily accept his accusations is that we are still hoping to have some righteousness of our own. The ground of our expectation is wrong... But if we have learned to put no confidence in the flesh, we shall not wonder if we sin, for the very nature of the flesh is to sin. ... Never should we try to answer Satan with our good conduct but always with the Blood. Yes, we are sinful, but praise God! the Blood cleanses us from every sin!

Incidentally, today is also the third day of the 40-Day fast for Singapore. And guess what I'm fasting from? BREAD! Don't mock me now - those who know me well will know how much of a challenge this is. Already I'm getting withdrawal symptoms... Kept dreaming of pretzels today...

And this fast is perhaps even tougher than abstaining a meal, because at least there's something at the end of the day to look forward to. But a bread fast has its end after an extended period...a more drawn out period! BUT it's something to rejoice in, because it builds perseverance, discipline, and true desperation that what is desired for comes to pass.

The world calls for instant gratification - but real joy and satisfaction comes in paying the price for the reward. It's not going to be easy - but it's going to be worth it!

Meanwhile, work begins on 25 July, my official starting date with GE. I'm really excited, cos it's a new phase and major milestone in my life, BUT I remain sober in spirit, because I know it is going to be a tough journey ahead, a time of molding and strengthening. But at the same time, I know I can be "strong and courageous, because the Lord is with me". That's all that's needed.

2005-07-01T00:50:00.000+08:00

Yes I'm back! Hello to whoever's still been patient enough to check this half-month dormant blog :P And as a treat to all my faithful readers, this post is my Israel + Istanbul journal (talk about blog binge). Photos akan datang, enjoy meanwhile! (As I battle it out with the ISearchTech virus on my laptop.....)

Tue 14 June
Am now in Room 719 of the Renaissance Jerusalem Hotel. Just finished a nice warm shower (nothing like scrubbing off the grime of a full day's flight from Singapore to Israel via Istanbul). My bro's knocked out beside me, though I've been nagging at him to stay awake so that he'd get over the jetlag, but well. With him and his late nights, he'll be fine in the end :)

Backtracking to 13 June, at the point of the farewell. Had a good dinner makan with the OneWayUp comm at Swensens, before checking in with the rest of the group from CHC. Some of the other youths also came by to send me off, so sweet :) You know, it's strange - I actually feel more reluctant to leave them this time, than I did when I went to Sweden. Perhaps it's cos when I asked God to "stir up in my heart a passion for His name", He stirred up a deeper passion for His people as well. Not surprising, since God IS love after all. Aiyah, love my young people lah. Or maybe it's the mother's biological instinct kicking in...hmm...

ANYWAY :) The flight itself went smoothly enough. We transited at Istanbul for about 7 hours, and God showed His favour upon us even there. For instance, I wanted to buy a drink from the BK branch there, but wanted to charge the expense to my credit card. However, for some strange reason, the charge couldn't get through. So guess what? The guy gave me the drink free! S$5 saved there! Then, when I wanted to buy snacks from one of the snack machines there (by that time my brother had changed some US dollars into Turkish money), my coins got stuck in the machine. Amazingly, without me seeking help, a guy appeared beside me, and though he could only speak Turkish, somehow it was communicated to him that my money was stuck, so he helped me take out the coins! How cool is that right? And praise God, we managed to pass through the Israeli customs without much incident. Picked up by the shuttle bus, we were fetched to the hotel, and had a slight foretaste of the Israeli weather. I could feel the heat of the sun beating down, and yet the air was cool, not as humid as Singapore. Definitely bearable. We then had dinner at the hotel, and the food's excellent! Bread, ALOT of raw veggies, fish...my kind of stuff! Think I might just put on weight after all...just looks like I'd have to do more walking to make up for it then ;)

But I'm really excited at what is to come. Truly, actually being here, in what the bus guide describes as "the land of the Bible", is like bringing colour to a normally black-and-white TV show. I believe that it's going to be truly illuminating.

Wed 15 June
Am back in the hotel room, just finished bathing, while my bro's konked out on the bed beside me. Shall let him sleep awhile longer before waking him up to bathe and get ready for the Welcome Dinner tonight at 7pm.

Today was actually free and easy for us, cos most of the other participants will only be flying in today. We managed to cover quite a bit though. Firstly, we had breakfast at the hotel. Wah I love the food, so many raw veggies, and the bread is really solid! I can easily subsist on their kind of food for breakfast, lunch and dinner man. Kor was also so happy to have his bread and 'kaiser' (cheese in German I think). I also taught an Israeli waiter how to say "thank you" in Chinese, and learnt that the Hebrew equivalent is "Tudah".

My bro and I then decided to be gungho and walk to the Israel museum instead of taking the shuttle bus there, since it looked like quite a short distance on the map. The Israeli weather also helped. The sun was strong, BUT it was less humid than Singapore, and was thus reminicent of Australian summers. Definitely bearable, and definitely something to be thankful for, for me and my bro kinda took a wrong detour somewhere and ended up taking 45mins to get to the museum from the hotel (we later learnt that it was supposed to be only a 10min walk from the hotel...). But it's good morning exercise to burn off breakfast :)

The museum was quite good actually, especially the Israeli archaelogy section. And we even got to go to the "Shrine of the Book", which was built to house the Dead Sea Scrolls that were discovered decades ago. Eye-opening.

My bro and I then shared a cab with a few others to the Ben-Yehuda Street, which was a mini-Orchard Road of sorts, with shops lining the streets. They even had MacDonalds and Burger King! But the food was definitely more expensive. E.g. a large Coke from the Israeli Macs costs about S$4. But well, still alright, rather similiar to European prices. What I really enjoyed doing, while walking the streets, was observing the people, particularly the locals. I realised that the dressing of the younger generation was actually pretty funky, i.e. not as conservative as one would have expected from reading the tour guides of Israel. I half-expected the girls to be covered from head to toe, but on the contrary, I think most of them were more daring in wearing sleeveless tops than I was! And yes, of course my bro and I paid a visit to the Fox outlets. And of course, while some of the clothes were made in Israel, my brother showed me some "Made in China" tags...guess there's no running away from it. Meanwhile, we also custom-made a Tshirt each, with our name in Hebrew printed at the back. Simple, yet classic.

We left the place around 5pm, planning to walk back to the hotel from there, but thank goodness we bumped into Pastor Ming and his wife who were in a cab, so we hopped in to join them. But when we did, the cab driver, who initially agreed on 20 shekels as the price, then started demanding for another 20 shekels for the both of us. But in the end, we held our ground, so the 4 of us just had to pay the 20 shekels in total. Phew. Think it's still safer to count by the meter, like how we did for the cab ride from the museum to Ben-Yehuda. Wonder how long it would have taken us to walk from Ben-Yehuda back to the hotel though, since on the map, the distance looks approximately the same as that between the museum and the hotel. Perhaps if there's free time another day, we may just give it a try.

Mmm my brother just went out to take another walk, am surprised by how much energy he still seems to have. No matter, my turn to grab some shuteye...

Thu 16 June
Am now munching on pretzels after a heavy dinner...am eating so much today, but I guess it's ok, given that today was really one exhausting and exerting day.

Today was the day the tour finally started. We woke up in the wee hours of 5plus in the morning (which wasn't so bad, considering that the sunrise for Israel is about 5am! Perhaps it's cos it's summer, that's why the days are also longer, for the sun sets only close to 8pm). We had an early breakfast (they served cold mackeral soaked in lemon - shiok!) before setting off at about 7am. The first stop was the Mount of Olives, where we had a short time of praise & worship, and took time to pray for and bless Israel. It's actually quite an awesome feeling, knowing that Jesus had ascended to heaven from that Mountain, and will be returning there! And the view of Jerusalem was breaktaking. It was interesting to note that to the West of Mt Olives, the land is green and fertile, but to the East, it's a desert area. Such a contrast. Another quick fact is that Jerusalem is home to around 700,000 people (though it's really small!), two-thirds of whom are Israelis, while the rest are Palestinians. Jerusalem is also home to many ultra Orthodox Jews, who migrated there from Eastern Europe, and who are the fastest multiplying group in Jerusalem due to their high birth rate per family of about 10 to 12 children.

Our next stop was at the Temple Mount, which is said to be the spot where Abraham sacrificed Isaac (or was about to). It is the third most sacred place in the world to the Muslims, for they believe that Muhammad ascended to heaven from that spot, so we had to be extra sensitive there. No crosses, Jewish symbols or Bibles were allowed to be brought in.

Another interesting point that was brought across was the fact that all the Israeli houses seem to be built out of limestone. This is because of 2 reasons - firstly, the mineral is in abundance in Israel, so it was practical to use it as construction material; secondly, a British law had been passed, ordering the asthetic "limestone" appeal of Israel to be preserved. Consequently, though houses are built with concrete and brick, they are "coated" with limestone to preserve the visual appeal.

The Temple Mount was also the place where Jesus drove out the moneychangers, overturning their tables etc. This was Jesus' FIRST act in Jerusalem - what a way to start a ministry! And the impact it must have caused is actually a lot bigger than I'd previously imagined. Firstly, the moneychangers appeared during the Passover, where people from all over came to Jerusalem to offer their sacrificies. According to a census taken, about 1.7mil people were gathered in Jerusalem during each Passover! Thus, to meet the needs of this great multitude of people, there must have been SO many moneychangers, probably hundreds! So, when Jesus drove out the moneychangers (Mt 21:12), He didn't just chase away a handful, but countless of them, and chased EVERY SINGLE ONE out! Imagine the stirring that must have caused!

Anyway, after the Temple Mount, we retraced the steps of Jesus' journey to the cross, i.e. the Way of Suffering, which is now marked by a number of stations depicting a certain incident that happened during Jesus' journey to Golgotha, some tradition, some explicitly mentioned in the Bible:
1) The trial of Jesus and His flogging
2) Jesus receives the Cross
3) Jesus first fell
4) Jesus meets His mother Mary
5) Simon takes over the carrying of the cross
6) Jesus' face is wiped by a young woman (called "the Veronica")
7) Jesus falls a second time
8) Jesus asks the women not to cry for Him, but to cry for their children instead
9) Jesus falls a third time
10) Jesus is disrobed
11) Jesus is nailed to the cross
12) Jesus' body is taken down from the cross
13) Jesus' body is prepared for burial on a stone slab (applying on of perfume, wrapping Him in a shroud...)
14) Jesus is buried in a manmade cave provided for by Joseph of Arimathea.

But beyond these traditions and stations is something far more poignant. It was really sobering to walk that path of suffering, knowing that at each step, He was whipped, mocked, scorned, spat at by passersby He loved, knowing that at each point He could have easily chosen to stop, but instead chose to go on to the point of death on the cross, knowing that He went through that journey for a sinner like me. His love and grace, how can one comprehend? It blows the mind, this love He gave...

The next stop was another poignant spot, the Western Wall, or more commonly known as the Wailing Wall. It's "tradition" that people stuff their prayer requests in the Wall, and so I did the same in the spirit of things. But more than that, it's truly a place where, like the guide says, you can just stay for hours on end praying. The atmosphere was electrifying. The women around me (men and women had to pray separately so that they won't get distracted by the opposite sex), particularly the Jews, were literally wailing with their prayers. But as I stood there, with my hand covering the piece of paper I'd stuffed there, my heart was more filled with joy, knowing that I don't have to pray at a wall for my prayers to be answered, for Jesus Himself is at the right hand of God, interceding for me, wherever, whenever. Jesus died, that I may draw near to God once again in the initmacy of fellowship and prayer. No more veils!

Later that afternoon we went to the Garden Tomb, the other site that is said to have possibly been the place of Jesus' tomb (the first site is called the Church of the Holy Sepetre). The verdict is still out on which site is the real site, but that's just a minor point of a much bigger reality - that the tomb of Jesus is EMPTY anyway! We took Communion at the Garden Tomb, and really, the feeling of being there is simply indescribable, knowing what Jesus did, and knowing that He IS risen...truly, it's the axis of our faith which everything else revolves around. For without His crucifixion and resurrection, we believe in vain.

It was one tiring day, but well worth the exhaustion. Tomorrow's gonna be a day of seminars and teaching - can't wait!

Fri 17 June
Just finished having a nice long shower, after having a nice long nap. Nothing like catching up on sleep to recharge physically. This morning I woke up with a face so bloated and eyes so puffy that I was shocked to see myself in the mirror. Think it was a combi of the pretzel binge and lack of sleep. No matter, the eyebags and bloatedness of face are gone! Left with just a bloated stomach (or maybe that's just the result of having so much good food over the past few days, i.e. a more prosperous constitution...hummm...).

But anyway :) Today was a rather relaxing day actually, which was good after yesterday's exhaustion. From 8.30am to 1pm we had a couple of speakers that taught us on different topics relating to Israel and the Jews. I was honestly very much enlightened by what I learnt. For instance, the Bible says that Israel is the "glory of all lands", but I didn't know that to be truly literal, until it was pointed out that Israel possesses argriculture and animals from Europe to Africa to Asia, but its neighbours don't. Imagine that - a diverse variety of plants thriving in the same spot, especially since plants are usually very dependent on climatic factors and soil conditions. So truly, Israel literally has the glory of all lands! Wow!

What was also repeatedly emphasized was the importance of Israel and the Jews from the Scriptural context, not just in OT times, but today as well, and Genesis mentions that all the nations will be blessed through them, i.e. we'd be judged and blessed in accordance to how we treat the Jews and the nation of Israel. This is something I never really thought about or considered as important to my Christian faith, up to this trip. Hearing and seeing Pastor Ulf and the rest of his team preach so passionately about Israel and the Jews, I cannot help but confront the fact and start to truly think about the reconciliation of the welfare and future of the Jewish people to my own Christian faith. Perhaps it's time I really start to sit up and pay attention to what's happening to Israel and the Jews in the world today, not just as a sign of the end times and fulfilment of Scripture, but because I'm called to love them as well, whether I'm proximate to or remote from them. The Jews ARE a special people to God, and there's no discounting that fact. They are held as dearly by God as ourselves, and they in particular have a special love story with God that we, as the Church, rather than get jealous and envious etc, are to be instead appreciative of the fact that it's through the nation of Israel that we've been blessed and are partakers of the Convenant - after all, Jesus, our Saviour and Lord, is a JEW! We owe them!

It's really a beginning of an awareness of them...something I've still to meditate on further and digest, but it's a start.

Meanwhile, tonight after dinner we're going to have a night meeting with Pastor Ulf. Praise God man - I was quite sad that I didn't manage to visit the Word of Life church in Uppsala when I was in Sweden, but praise God for this second opportunity to participate in this service under Pastor Ulf. God is good! Am definitely looking forward to it :) And maybe after that, I'll grab a few newly-made friends from CHC to go drink coffee/tea at a cafe nearby the hotel...hehe :)

Sat 18 June
Today we covered a lot of ground, but it was definitely less exhausting than the first day we toured Israel.

The first stop was the Word of Life Centre in Israel, Pastor Ulf's base for his work here, followed by the Scripture Garden, a place specially constructed to bring to life OT context to the Scriptures, e.g. they actually had a threshing floor! I really loved that stop, cos of the huge amount of information that was given that really made me see the Scriptures in a different light. For instance, when the OT refers to the "high places of worship", they were actually threshing floors, which are located on top of exposed bedrock, higher the better, and people worship pagan idols in these threshing floors to ensure a good harvest of grain. Other 'revelations' include facts of that time about the manger, the sheep pen, the olive tree, etc. Can't wait to share them with the youth back home.

We then headed to David's Citadel, followed by the Upper Room on Mount Zion, the place where Jesus conducted the first Communion, and where Pentacost took place. Though it wasn't the original building from Jesus' time, but yet just being in that place where 2 momentous milestones took place truly gave cause for reflection.

The next 2 stops were no less sobering - St Peter's Gallicantu, where Jesus was kept overnight after His trial before His crucifixion the next day, and also the same place Peter denied Jesus, and the Garden of Gethsamane, where Jesus was in such anguish that His sweat turned to blood. Just being in that place...the weight was so heavy on the spirit, you could almost feel the kind of burden that Jesus was carrying, and yet that must just be a miniscule glimmer of what really fell on Jesus' shoulders, what He did to bear for us our sin...and not only to bear our sin, He BECAME our sin. One cannot help but pause in one's place to reflect on what Christ did for us, the absolute magnitude... Especially so when this place is experienced with the reading of Psalms 88, which I never noted till Pastor Thomas read it for us, and then the intensity of what Christ did started to sink in... " You have taken my companions and loved ones from me;
the darkness is my closest friend." (vs 18) In the intense darkness of that pit, stone walls all around, betrayed by a dearest friend just a few moments before... Just a glimpse of the immense sacrifice and pain Jesus went through. Truly, it's His passion, His love that compels... that WHILE we were still sinners, He died for us. Unconditional love.

I can't even begin to describe this. All I can say is - I stand in awe.

Sun 19 June
Today began with a sober start once again. We visited the Holocaust Museum, erected with particular focus in remembering the 6 million Jews that were killed during that terrible period. Pastor Thomas used an illustration that brought this fact to bone-chilling reality - it would have been as if EVERY SINGLE PERSON in Singapore were systematically MURDERED during that few years. THAT's the intensity of that number. Even more unimaginable is this - ONE QUARTER of that 6 million Jews killed were CHILDREN. I mean, what could have possessed men to kill in this manner? Fellow human beings...CHILDREN... Truly, anti-Semitism can't be a mere, carnal feeling, but goes beyond natural tendencies into something deeper, something more vindictive, more sinister - a spirit, a satanic one. It goes beyond comprehension. Too bad we were only able to spend one hour there though. Everyone agreed that two or three hours would have been a better leeway, cos there's just so much to see and reflect on. But the lesson is clear - this WAS a reality, humans ARE capable of such evil, and we pray that this kind of evil will NOT ever happen again.

From there, we proceeded to the Dead Sea, whose surrounding land we were told is the lowest point on earth (on land surface), at 400m below sea level. It is "dead" because it is SO salty that nothing can live in it. And yes, salty enough for us to float in it! But defying gravity comes at the price of feeling the cutting of salt into the most minute wound on your body. Thus, as much fun as it was to be able to float, I could only stand being in the water for about 10 mins before pleading for the merciful shower of fresh water.

After that - the Bedouin Desert! Aside from trying Bedouin tea and coffee (particularly bitter stuff), we each got to ride camels! The experience wasn't much different from riding a horse though, but exhilirating nevertheless. Now if only I could hijack one back to Singapore (no need driving license somemore!)...

A sumptous dinner a la Bedouin (awesome, freshly made pita bread!) was followed by a campfire of praise and worship, and then, a night under the stars, the very stars that the Lord asked Abraham to number as His descendants.

The God of creation is truly amazing :)

Mon 20 June
Am now settled in nicely in bed in the Sheraton Hotel Tiberias at Galilee, with a cup of hot green tea beside me. Heaven on earth - I've never been so happy to see a kettle in a long time! One of the simple pleasures of life hehe. I think I've put on weight though - my face feels and looks rounder, and my tummy has an additional layer...must be all the bread I've been eating. But the bread here is just too shiok to resist lah!

Like this morning after a night under the stars in the Bedouin desert. In my 'blurness', I woke up at 4.45am thinking it was 6.45am, so I happily went to the toilet to wash up (I WAS wondering how come it wasn't as crowded as I'd thought it would be, but well, the brain wasn't awake enough to register the implications). I finished at 5am and was so anticipating breakfast (which was scheduled to be at 7am) when I realised that yes, it's 2 more hours actually. Haiyoh. So I went back to sleep a bit more, but by then the sun had already come up (at 5plus it already felt like close to 8am!), so I decided to get out and do my devotion while facing the desert dunes. An amazing feeling, and the Lord did speak to me through Psalm 71, and He confirmed what has been lain on my spirit these few days - He's been speaking to me about and through ROCKS, bedrock in particular, and guess what the title of this Psalm is? ... God the Rock of my Salvation. God is so good :) and the interesting thing about bedrock is that it means "solid, unweathered rock lying beneath surface deposits of soil", i.e. NOT rocks that are exposed on the surface to erosion or weathering, but unseen rock lying beneath that is truly unchanging and FOUNDATIONAL, that would never be subject to erosion or weathering. Amidst the many changes happening now in my life and even in ministry and in CFC, this is an important truth to grasp. The foundations of my faith and my ministries MUST be Christ the Rock, cos only upon Him that anything can stand. Apart from Him, things fall apart. It's not about programs or trends or what, but very simply and powerfully, about JESUS, the Name above all names, that when His name is lifted high, He will draw all men unto Himself, so our responsibility is to do just that - lift His name up high!

Okok anyway :) After devotion, I finally went for breakfast, and pigged out on the pita bread (ate 4{ and small 'pizza-like' pitas with tomatoes and olives on top (ate about 8? I lost count after a while :P). Shiok lah! Nothing like freshly-Bedouin-made pitas (of course, they effectively served to pad my stomach as well :P). But the hearty breakfast was worth it, for we had to do a long arduous climb up and down Masada, this cliff fortress built by Herod in the middle of the Judean desert. The sun was super blazing hot, but I'm thankful that this activity was scheduled today rather than when we first arrived or something, cos at least by now we're better acclimatised to the heat and dryness. Water is super important though. The bus captain was saying that in a normal desert, a person can only last 3-5 days without water before death comes. But in this Judean desert, a mere 5 hours would suffice to kill someone! I think I drank close to 3 litres of water during the whole climbling expedition alone (and I'm seriously NOT exaggerating). It's become almost an habit now, to sip and pee and sip and pee at regular intervals. But it's a good habit to have. There was a woman on our bus who succumbed to heatstroke though, and is now in a hotel in Jerusalem. Poor thing...but I'm believing that she'll be fine. Sure hope she'd be able to join us here in Galilee, it's a fantastic place.

Oh, here's an interesting piece of history about Masada though. Though it was built as a fortress by Herod (and used by him as a kind of 'Baby Rome' resort), it was captured by a Jewish revolt for a period. But they could not hold up against the Romans, and thus made the decision to commit suicide rather than surrender to the Romans (talk about standing firm for their faith...). Before doing so, however, they burnt all the storehouses of the fortress so that the Romans would have nothing left to loot when they reached there (which would be a great blow to the Roman armies of course), the ONLY exception being the storehouse for food, because the Jews wanted to prove to the Romans that they had CHOSEN to die, rather than having died from starvation. Consequestly, 2000 years later when the storehouse was found, some food, having been preserved by the hot and dry climate of the desert, was discovered as well. But what's even more amazing is that just a few days ago, a date that was found in this Masada storehouse was planted in the soil - and started to sprout into a plant! A 2000-year-old seed that had remained dormant all these years, now coming to life and growing into a plant! The miracle boggles the mind...and also gives a glimpse into the times that we live in today, a time where the supernatural is about to become super-natural!

Well, after Masada, we dropped by a nature reserve (that had a small freshwater waterfall - more like a trickle-fall though) before heading to the Qumran, i.e. the place where the Dead Sea Scrolls were found. The 1000-year-old scrolls were discovered by a Bedouin goatherd boy in 1947. Apparently one of his goats had strayed away into one of the caves (we saw the actual cave that was in the steep cliff-face, and so the question of the day was - how on earth did the goat climb into the cave in the first place? It must have been one fiesty goat...), and so the Bedouin boy threw a stone into the cave in the attempt to frighten the goat out of the cave. But when he threw the stone, he heard something break in the cave, and being curious, he went to check out what had broken. It was a jar that had been broken, and yep, you guessed it, inside the jar was one of the Dead Sea Scrolls. Of course the boy didn't know what it was, so he took it and began to tear pieces from the scroll to sell to tourists, and did so until someone finally realised what it was, and mercifully stopped the 'tear and sell' process.

More fascinating facts about the Dead Sea Scrolls (which comprises of the OT books) are these:
1) The full 66 chapters of the Book of Isaiah was found, accurate to the last dot.
2) No trace of the Book of Esther was found - but this could be due to the fact that it is the only OT book that doesn't mention "God", and so perhaps the book had been purposely excluded by the scholars who compiled this OT "Bible".
The discovery of the scrolls was astounding - no wonder they are regarded as the national treasure of Israel.

Well, after the Qumran we made the journey to Tiberias, the town near the Sea of Galilee, to the hotel I'm in now. Kor is actually now at the diamond factory, but I decided to give it a miss to catch up on my journalling as well as on my rest. The latter may be a bit hard though, cos the room is just above the pub, so I'm hearing all the singing etc now. No matter, nothing that my mp3 player can't fix ;)

Tue 21 June
Today Pastor Ulf preached to us while we were all on the Sea of Galilee! This amazing feat was done by linking up 3 big boats (holding all 600+ of us), with Pastor Ulf preaching from the middle boat. The wonders of modern technology and sound systems. But imagine how it must have been like for Jesus to preach from a fisherman’s boat to the sea of multitudes on the shores – WITHOUT modern technology. Amazing.

From there we moved onto the Jordan River, where we did water rafting! That was so fun lah, though throughout the journey I was a bit freaked out over my brother’s Nikon camera, which he took along with the water rafting to take pictures of the other rafts. So our crew was busy shouting “Cameraman on board!” to prevent the other rafts from splashing us (and hence wetting the camera) in all our excitement. The fact that the camera emerged from the entire experience unscathed is a miracle in itself man :)

Because tonight we were to have a night service with Pastor Ulf, we had an easy restful day (much needed, after the Masada challenge especially), so we had some free time in the afternoon, which I used to walk the streets of Tiberias with some of the rest. A lot of the shops were closed (afternoon siesta perhaps) save for mainly the shops that sold food and snacks and the like, but we still managed to shop for some nice clothes (prices are comparable to Singapore though). The street trawling extended to after the night service, as there was a pasar malam of sorts near our hotel in Tiberias. Not as bustling as I had expected though, but interesting nonetheless (though I was a bit disappointed that I couldn’t find the 3D Star of David pendant that I had been looking for).

I must say, however, that Tiberias and this region near Galilee feels different from Jerusalem – the pace is slower, and even the air seems lighter (perhaps owing to the proximity to the ocean). Jesus started off His ministry in this place, and I see how easy it would have been for Him to remain where He was. Yet He knew that was NOT where He was ultimately called to be, and the Bible says He “resolutely set His face towards Jerusalem”, despite knowing that this step into a new place would be a lot harder than what He’d experienced in Galilee. He pressed in towards His destiny – and so must we.

Wed 22 June
I can't believe I'm already leaving Israel tomorrow - the 9 days have passed by in a blink! And today, the last day, was of course marked with activity. The morning was spent visiting the various sites near and in Galilee, e.g. Capernaum (Jesus' ministry base), Bethsaida (said to have been the place where Jesus fed the multitudes), etc. But the two significant events were the planting of trees (each of us was given a seedling we could plant in the soils of Israel!), and the water baptism held in the River Jordan. It is SUCH a privilege to be baptised at the place where John the Baptism himself carried out baptisms. There was a testimony of a Russian man who, on this trip, got saved at the Garden Tomb, received the baptism of the Holy Spirit in the Upper Room, and was then being water baptised in the River Jordan! What a great way to start the Christian journey eh?

The most poignant part of the day, however, has got to be the Farewell Dinner. Perhaps I'm biased, but I'm pretty sure that my bus, A13, gave the loudest and most rowdy cheers to our bus captain Pastor Thomas, bus guide Dave and bus driver Rafi. They have simply been so awesome, not just doing their job, but going the extra mile to build relationships with us, make us feel comfortable, and add that extra smile to our faces and laughter to the journey. My bus has truly been blessed, and I'm so thankful to have been assigned to that particular bus A13.

Shall end off today's entry with the story that Dave had tasked me to write - a summary of the entire Israel trip for A13, with all the adjectives randomly given by all of us on the bus. The result is both rib-tickling and heart-warming. Enjoy.

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The flight to Israel was suspenseful. We arrived at the hotel in Jerusalem feeling extremely glorious, looking forward to the Welcome Dinner. The food was simply excellent, and the queues, gorgeous. An inspiring night's rest followed, and we woke up feeling amazing for the day ahead.

We were herded together into buses, and met the thankful group we'd be travelling with for the next few days. Our bus captain Pastor Thomas, a rather blessed Swede with expensive sunglasses, took the mike and introduced us to our dry bus guide Dave. Together with our majestic bus driver Rafi, the three of them formed the overwhelming threesome that would lead us through the journey ahead.

Jerusalem seemed endless with its many sights and sounds. Getting to know the old and new city proved shiny, but getting used to the weather was even more glamorous. Of course, our ever extraordinary bus captain gave us challenging reminders to drink our water. The toilet thus became our exhausting second home at every stop. But water wasn't our only priority - so was the sunny challenge of being the first to leave at every point. Our dear hairy Rafi, egged on by our undulating cheers, constantly rose to the occasion.

Our daily journeys with the passionate threesome were marked with their compassionate attempts to speak Chinese, and our exhilirating efforts to learn Hebrew. Pastor Thomas' worshipful forays into Singlish proved concussing, along with the two other fruitful uniquely Singaporean trademarks - shopping and phototaking.

The desert was one mind-blowing milestone in our journey. For a moment, the tangible camels became our alternative mode of transportation. The stressful dinner, a la Bedouin, came as an approachable change from hotel food.

However, from Jerusalem to the Dead sea, from the desert to Tiberias, the one heartwarming place that etched itself in our minds and muscles was the incredible Masada. While we laboured down the cliff, hot Pastor Thomas took a mere 16 minutes to run down! This is a feat worthy of a WOW...! Yes, the one word that has become our life-transforming mantra for everything.

But what has made this trip even more touching are its people. In the midst of the enigmatic 48 people on Bus A13, we have:
4 extraordinary photographers, who climb all over the place just to get the perfect shot;
our righteous sign-bearing sisters, who have finally gotten their ice-cream;
our rich last man Rigan, also known as "dapao" man;
our dream-come-true worship leader cum bus i/c Bro Kim Hock;
and of course, all our revelatory sisters and dry brothers.

It has truly been a fun journey, one filled with miraculous sights, neck-breaking sounds, and, as Dave would say, breathtaking smells. As it draws to a sleepy end, we just want to say a great "Tudah", and...

See you next year in Jerusalem!

Thu 23 June
I'm now somewhere in the sky, en route to Istanbul, Turkey. Kor is nodding off beside me, and I myself fell victim to the sandman just a few seconds ago, but decided to shake the dust off my eyes and reserve it for tonight.

Today is the day I leave Israel, and with such mixed feelings! On one hand, I'm excited to be one step closer to home, but on the other hand, I've really grown to love "the land of the Bible" (and its weather even!). I think one thing that really helped contribute to my experience was being placed in a united bus. Even over breakfast, the bunch of us, soon to be separated into different flights, were happily chatting and reminiscing and laughing about dear old Rafi and Dave. I'm definitely going to miss the good fellowship and friendships formed. Even though all of us will be back in Singapore together, but, as inevitably is always the case, personal commitments will draw time away from meeting up to keep in contact and the like. Nevertheless, we are all still part of the same body of Christ, and I believe that the friendships will survive irregardless of physical contact.

Anyway, this morning we still managed to pop by Nazareth and Mount Carmel, which was a bonus that was not as fully appreciated as it could have been if our bodies weren't crying out for sleep every few seconds. But we had to reach the airport 3 hours earlier, because the procedures at the Israeli airport is known to be stringent and controls, tight. True enough, though we reached the airport at 2.15pm, we only got into the Duty Free section at 4.20pm! Our luggage were checked very thoroughly, after each and every one of us were interviewed as to whether we had packed our bags ourselves, whether we had been given anything by anyone etc. I was even asked to open my luggage bag for inspection, and quizzed on a packet of snacks I had bought from Tiberias, but it wasn't that much of a hassel (and thank God I managed to re-close the luggage bag without needing to sit on it :P). But I guess I do understand the need for the tight security controls, in view of the delicate situation facing the region, where terrorist attacks are a VERY real possibility and, sad to say, reality. With the end times approaching, the situation may intensify, but it's always good to know that the end is, without a doubt, glorious and victorious, and something to look forward to - when Christ returns for His bride!

This is a trip I definitely don't regret coming. Though it was a lot more strenuous than I had expected (as Pastor Ulf pointed out, it's one vacation where we'd need to take a vacation from!), but the sweat and intensity was worth it, for the blessings and insights gained. Perhaps, God willing, I'd return to Israel soon, with a husband in tow, so that we'd both share in experiencing the context and reality of the Bible. As for specifically when that'll be, well...that'll be another entry for another day. Till then - to live is Christ!

Fri 24 June
The 2 boys (Kor and Orkun, Kor's Turkish friend whom we're staying with) have gone out to makan; I've chosen to stay in to rest, use the Internet to clear my emails (amazing how they can accumulate just over a span of a few days), and am now enjoying a HUGE green apple before I go to bed (the fruits here are humongous and oh so fresh and shiok!).

Istanbul is a welcome change (in terms of weather), truly a worthy vacation from the Israel study tour. Nothing beats European weather in summer - sunny, yet cool and with low humidity. This morning, we took advantage of the low 20s-degree-Celcius weather to take a 30-min walk from Orkun's place to Taksim, the Turkish-equivalent of City Hall. Along the way, we grabbed our breakfast, a simit, which is a sesame-crusted pretzel-like bread (without the criss-cross though - instead, it's just a ring of dough). It is REALLY good, and cheap too, going at about 52 Singaporean cents each. Kor and I both agree that we can easily and happily survive on it for breakfast, lunch and dinner (true to our word, we each devoured one more for lunch). We each also bought a 1-litre bottle of Coke each at about S$1.60, which I really liked cos it was the ideal size (not too big) with the ideal volume (not too little) for one day's consumption. This bottle is also sold in Russia, but nowhere else, it seems, which is a pity... Perhaps someone would read this entry and decide to start importing them into Singapore..? ;)

After deciding that we'd definitely want to spend some time on a separate day shopping in the Taksim area (hey, we're Singaporen :P and Turkish fashion is pretty good!), we next headed to the Western District to take a look at some mosques and other buildings recommended by the LonelyPlanet guidebook we had on hand. That in itself was a challenge, for in Istanbul, very few people speak English. So, finding out which bus to take to Fatih Camii (one of the places in the Western District) was an exercise of pointing at maps and words in the guidebook while stuttering out a strange mixture of English and Turkish. But in the end, we somehow got ourselves understood, and a kind man on the bus even said he'd tell us where to get off! That's just the beginning of our experience in Turkish courtesy and graciousness. As we moved around the area, many of the Turks we passed exchanged warm smiles with us. Perhaps it's cos the Western District is the road less travelled by tourists (as the LP guide admits), and is made up of many small neighbourhoods, so the people there may not have encountered THAT many tourists, which make them less reserved and more genuine too. In fact, so many of them (especially the children) were so fascinated with Kor's Nikon camera, and were all so happy to pose for and with us. Such a warm people.

2 incidents, in particular, stood out. For one, Kor and I were passing through a small, humble neighbourhood, and my attention was caught by a bakery of lavas, a flat bread often eaten with kebab. A stone oven is still used, and I think the bakery supplies such lavas in bulk to kebab shops, rather than sell them individually. But as we passed by, the little boys in the bakery said hello and were so 'smiley', so we popped in to take a few shots of them. I, forever the breadlover, then asked the baker if I could buy one of the lavas to try, and he immediately just gave me the one freshly taken from the oven (it was on the shovel-like utencil he was holding to take out lavas from the oven - it was THAT freshly baked!), and for FREE, even though I tried to pay for it! What a touching gesture... So I asked one of the little boys to come pose with me and the piping-hot lavas, and the little boy took the opportunity to kiss me on my cheeks :P But they are such a sweet people. What an experience.

The second encounter with Turkish graciousness was when Kor and I got a bit lost, and asked for directions from a Turkish gentlemen. Not only did he point us the way, he ESCORTED us to the place itself, even though it was a way off from his shop (which he had been heading to when we stopped him). He went out of his way to help us - now THAT's a true mark of being a good Samaritan. I was thinking about whether the same would have happened back home, and came up with a personal observation with regards to Asians and Turks - while both peoples are communal, Asians are very hospitable and gracious to people we know, we tend to be a lot more guarded and unwilling when relating to strangers; the Turkish people are welcoming and their warmth extends to all. Perhaps this is something we Asians, reserved or not, should learn, for true generosity extends regardless.

Sat 25 June
Today was the 1st day of Orkun's 'guided tour' of Istanbul, & it began with a sumptous breakfast of Orkun's grandma's börek (a flaky pastry reminiscent of lagsana, but instead it's made of layers of dough with melted cheese in between - greasy & yummy & sinful hee), fresh tomatoes & green capsicum, olives spiced with thyme, cheese, Turkish sausage, and of course, BREAD, with Nutella! Heaven on earth...(it's amazing, though, how I eat these stuff overseas but seldom do in Singapore).

After breakfast, we headed to Miniaturk, which is, as its name suggests, a miniature park of Turkey. All the architectural models are miniature replicas of the exact structures, accurate to the last finest detail. I think the pictures we took when posing with the models would look as if we'd been rendered in by Photoshop, though made to look like Goliaths. Included among the models was the Dome of the Rock, ie the Temple Mount in Israel (so, like my brother says, we can tell people we've visited the place twice, but in two separate countries!). The architectural models and their real-life counterparts were mainly of tombs and mosques, and I was quite amazed at the immense structures erected to remember the sultan. Quite opulent. Another observation made is that while the attractions of Western Europe are of churches, those of Istabul (Eastern Europe), formerly known as Constantinople, are of mosques. A strange, ironic twist in history, perhaps.

After Miniaturk, we then headed on to - guess what .... A Turkish bath! Mentioned as one of the "1,000 places to visit before you die", it was truly an experience that wasn't as bone-crunching as I had expected, and honestly won't mind going through again. Of course, the men and women bathed separately (in the past, a man who was found in the women's bath would be deemed punishable by death!), but in a way, I was glad to go in alone (Kor and Orkun went to the men's side), for everything was done au naturel. No room for embarrassment here - my ENTIRE body was first scrubbed, then soaped and massaged, and finally rinsed, by an immensely voluptous elderly Turkish lady called Anifa. I must have felt like a porcelain doll in her hands, compared to the other equally properous lady customers in the bath at that time. I wonder if, during those days, being volumous was a mark of beauty... But truly, after the bath, I felt (in Orkun's words) "reborn". Felt so good to be feeling so squeaky clean after all the trekking done in Israel just a few days before. Orkun, his first time as well, said that he'd frequent a Turkish bath once every 2 months from now on. Who can blame him?

Recharged, we proceeded to the Grand Bazaar, which actually reminded me of our own pasar malam or Bugis Village. "Genuine" Puma shoes were sold next to pashmina shawls and "I love Istabul" tshirts. Perhaps more exotic was the Spice Bazaar, located just next to it. Shops were selling tea leaves of all kinds (tea-drinking being a national past-time here), nuts and spices, as well as many Turkish desserts such as "Turkish Viagra", an interesting concoction of walnut-stuffed dried figs. Definitely an energy booster at least.

After that, we walked along the coastline, stopped by a fish-sandwich shop before heading to Taksim for Turkish ice-cream at the Mado cafe. The special thing about this ice-cream is that it is so sticky, you have to use a knife to cut it! Orkun said that there was once, a tub of Turkish ice-cream was used to lift a car!!! Brings a whole new meaning to "sticky chewy chocolate"...

Reached back Orkun's place completely knocked out. But tomorrow's another new day!

Sun 26 June
We started off the morning visiting an island off Istanbul. It was rather reminiscent of Sentosa actually, but with the inclusion of horse carriages to bring people around. The tourist information office was closed, and maps were being sold for 2 lira each (1 lira = S$1.30), so we decided to just walk around the island (aimlessly) and enjoy the weather (beautiful as always), the place and the people. We ended up walking for about 2 hours (which is quite a lot, considering the place was not at all flat, but 'slopey'...), before catching a ferry back to Taksim and grabbing a bite - me and my simit, while the boys ate from Bambi Cafe, a Turkish fastfood palce which sells burgers, sandwiches, etc Turkish-style (the pita Orkun ate contained filling made of lamb's intestines!) at very reasonable prices. It was proudly displayed in the shop that in 2004, it was one of the top 5 fast-food places in Istanbul according to FHM (the other 4 being MacDonalds, Burger King, KFC and Simit Sarayi, not in order of merit).

We then went to watch the movie "Mr & Mrs Smith" at a cinema in Taksim. Now THAT was an experience in itself. For one, there were security officers at the entrance to the cinema to check bags for videocams (which are locked up in lockers, to prevent pirating of the movie), as well as for outside food (which are not allowed into the cinema). The movie cost 10 lira for the guys (because it's the weekend; it's cheaper on weekdays), and 9 lira for me (because I have my student card! Hey, I haven't officially graduated ok ;)). The doors to the cinema salon opened only 5 minutes before the movie was scheduled to start, and of course the usual advertisements and movie trailers followed. But what is interesting is that halfway through the movie, the movie STOPPED. I thought they had to change the movie reel or something, but apparently not - it was to give cinema-goers a 15-minute break! So cute right? I used the opportunity to go to the ladies, and saw others taking a smoking break outside the salon (a comment made in the LonelyPlanet guidebook is true - the people here DO smoke like chimneys!). Anyway, the movie was good (in case you're wondering, yes it was in English, though with Turkish subtitles, which took some getting used to because in Singapore I'm in the habit of reading the Chinese subtitles to catch the snatches of conversation that I miss, but obviously I couldn't do so this time).

After the movie we headed to the Asian part of Istanbul via a 5-min ferry ride. Yes, we actually crossed continents within the same country. But of course, it wasn't much of a difference in Asian Turkey - simit sellers still greeted us upon our disembarkation. We sat along the shoreline facing the Maiden Tower, and enjoyed the setting of the sun while munching on sunflower seeds and sipping Turkish tea along with the rest of the locals. A wonderful way to while away the evening and to end off the lovely day. Truly, every sunset, no matter where around the world, is always a beautiful sight, and a lovely reminder of God's creation that is new every morning with every sunrise.

Mon 27 June
Today, being Monday, Kor and I were on our own again, as Orkun had to go back to work. We took the time to visit Sultanhamet, the must-see area of Istanbul for all visitors. And yes, it was obviously very much catered for tourists, evidenced by the kind of shops that shot up once we entered the area, as well as finally spotting some Asian faces (up till this point, Kor and I were deemed "walking tourist attractions" for the locals as we've been frequenting the places where tourists don't typically go to, which is a good thing, and the best way to experience a foreign land, at least in my opinion). Kor and I first stopped by the Topaki Sarayi ("Sarayi" means "Palace" in Turkish). It was there that I found out that Chinese porcelain was favoured by the Turkish sultans not just because the dishes etc were beautiful, but also because they were believed to become discoloured if they held food that was poisoned.

After the palace (which was, of course, filled with tourists), we headed on to the Blue Mosque, which was built to rival the neighbouring Aya Sophia, a Christian temple built by Justinian which was later converted into a mosque when the Ottoman empire took over the Constantinian era (too bad the latter was closed for today). The Blue Mosque is still being used by Muslims today for their daily prayers, so Kor and I had to wait for one of the day's scheduled prayers to be over before entering the mosque, which was an eye-opening experience, and once again brought to mind the contrast between that and the many Christian churches in Western Europe.

In the afternoon I went back alone to Orkun's place to rest, while Kor continued walking around Taksim by himself. But in the end, I spent most of the time in the toilet, because I was locked in! The key and the lock was faulty, and when I finally managed to turn the key, I found out I turned it the wrong way such that instead of unlocking the door, I double-locked it!!! Thank God I didn't panic or cry or anything, thank God for the Holy Spirit who's always with me and who gave me peace. Though I did contemplate breaking open the window to the toilet or something, I still was able to remain calm and didn't break down or anything. I was in there for more than half an hour, and was praying so hard. And all of a sudden, for no apparent reason, when I was just turning the key in the lock whichever way, the door clicked open, as if there hadn't been a problem in the first place! It was so surreal, but yet I must give all glory to God. Really really praise God. But from then on, I decided never to lock the toilet door in Orkun's place again, heh :P

In the evening I went back to Taksim to meet Kor, and we spent the rest of the night shopping for clothes. Turkish fashion is actually pretty happening, and the prices are very very reasonable. Kor bought a good-looking pair of jeans, among other things, while I found myself 2 nice blouses too. Gotta start shopping for work lah, but am thankful that at least the GE dress requirement isn't that stringent (i.e. don't have to wear full suit; a nice blouse and proper pants and shoes would suffice).

One last night in Istanbul spent shopping - so typically Singaporean hor ;)

Tue 28 June
I'm now sitting on the 2nd floor of a Simit Sarayi cafe, overlooking the busy streets of Taksim, with Turkish music accompanying my breakfast of simit and Nescafe (the Turkish way of saying "normal coffee, just like how we say "Panadol" for aspirin). What better way to begin my final day here in Istanbul, and on this trip. In about 11 hours time I'll be on a plane back home. I leave with mixed feelings - it's been an awesome holiday that's not a holiday in the traditional sense of being relaxing (I'll probably need to catch up on a lot of sleep when I get back, nothing like your own bed, know what I mean?), but I do look forward to going back to normal life, because there are new changes and adventures awaiting me, the biggest ones of all my new job with GE and the CFC breakthrough, which I believe to be something that we've never experienced before, and that would require new stretching and adjustments, on both an individual and corporate level.

But well, one final day of shopping and enjoying the cool European air, and I'll be back in good ol' Singapore. There's still no place like home... :)

2005-06-13T16:52:00.000+08:00

Ok, I'm all set. Luggage packed, admin stuff cleared, am about to head off to Changi Airport to celebrate an event with some of my youth, before doing the necessary checking in. I am excited, and am really looking forward to being able to stop and rest on the flight, away from the hustle and bustle. I'll be journalling my thoughts and experiences in my trusty Palm, believe it's going to be one enlightening and revelatory journey, not just in the physical, but in the arena of faith.

I resolutely set my face towards Jerusalem...

Stay tuned on 29 June for the return!

2005-06-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

I just finished doing the final editing of my Valedictorian speech for the mock interview tomorrow. I think it probably sounds rather idealistic, but I hope it causes people to think and be challenged anyhow. Don't believe we need to conform to the status quo of this world. After all, the Word says that we are to "be in the world but not of the world", and thus it must not be impossible to achieve, but not easy nonetheless.

Have also just finished 50% of packing for my trip to Israel (leaving tomorrow at 10.10pm on TURKISH airlines...that'll be a first for me. Wonder what kind of airline food they serve...). But I am looking forward to it, for the breather, and for the fresh perspective it'll bring. It'll sure cause the Bible to come alive in a whole new dimension.

Today I had an awesome time in church. Had the privilege of attending 2 services in 2 different churches - one my own, one a nearby church, cos the youth comm wanted to suss out the speaker to possibly invite her to speak at our youth camp end of this year. One statement she made has stuck with me even till now. She mentioned that "miracles cause people to become aware of God on a personal level, and bring them to a place of decision regarding Him." It's so profoundly true. Miracles, in themselves, are by nature flashy and attention-grabbing, but they serve a higher purpose than mere entertainment, only if combined by the sharing of the Word and of the Gospel. For it is not miracles, but the truth, that'll set people free. As I yearn to move deeper in Him, especially spiritually, that must always remain my motive - not to attract people unto myself, but unto the Person who chooses to work through me.

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 2 x

2005-06-11T22:58:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm back from church camp, and was it AWESOME. Till this point, even now, I can't even begin to put into words the experience, the touch, the deep stirring, the privilege of being used by Him for His glory and purpose. But one thing I do know, is that I met Him in a very real way, and that's just but the beginning of more and deeper revelations to come.

In fact, today the reminder for me is to be careful not to live in the glory of yesterday, or even in the anointing or encouragement of yesterday, but to "forget what is behind and press on to what's ahead in Christ Jesus", because there are better things to come. Even more than I can ask or imagine! And the call for me is to simply obey and trust God, and not doubt one single bit as to the extent and magnitude He wants to use me, even further, for His glory and kingdom! But I must continue to love and obey Him, to, above all, seek to please HIM above pleasing men, that everything I do is out of a genuine love for Him and men, and not for reputation or any mere outward appearance of spirituality.

And I cling on to being burning as a human torch for Him, not as a flame that relies on yesterday's touch, but one that's continually fanned brighter everyday by spending time with Him and His Word. I yearn to be a vessel where both His power and presence can both reside, in ever-increasing glory, that I may be able to truly "arise and shine" for Him, not for personal glory, but for His kingdom's sake. I yearn to move even deeper, even deeper, in the prophetic, to minister a timely word from the Lord to those around me, all whom He loves deeply, whether Christian or not. To truly be a living channel of His love and power!

I cling onto His personal destiny for me, rather than desire anyone else's destiny. It's so tempting to envy and strive, but today I decide to fix my eyes on Him, and to see myself as He sees me. For I know I am called to a purpose that I've been especially created to fulfill, and it is that creates meaning for my existence. I don't want to be one running as though "beating the air", but one living for a purpose that goes beyond the natural understanding of what life on this earth is all about.

A deeper and fuller revelation of You Lord! To hear Your voice in such clarity and precision, and to KNOW You in such a measure beyond my imagination. I call unto You, and know that You have promised to answer me, and tell me great and unsearchable things I do not know... I want to know You more and more!

Kuppa-meter: 2 x

2005-06-06T00:15:00.000+08:00

I just finished packing (at least 90% lah, remaining stuff are things like toiletries which I only can pack in tomorrow anyway), as well as drafting my mock Valedictorian speech (the panel needs a copy before the interview on 13 June). Praise God that I was still able to squeeze out something from my tired brain (it feels preserved and shrivelled now. Lack of sleep = strange illustrations used). But well, I think the main gist is there. Will probably tweak it more when I return.

Anyway, I finally had a good proper talk with Dad and Mum this evening, before I confirm my acceptance of the GE position (the formal terms etc will be emailed to me on Mon, which I'll check at the hotel). It's really a relief that both of them have given their blessings. Family support, especially in something as important as a career, is very very important to me. I think, despite my wanting the position so badly, their blessings would have taken precedence in my position. But well, have submitted it to God, and He did assure me with the promise of Rom 8:28, that all things work together for good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. And truly, they have. God is good... so good to be able to cast all our cares on Him, for He cares for us. Makes life so much more worth the living :) Meanwhile...

This is where I'll be at for the next 5 days (6-10 June). Better get some shut eye, long bus ride tomorrow.

Port Dickson, here I come!

Kuppa-meter: 2 x

2005-06-04T23:23:00.000+08:00

To all my faithful readers - thank you for still checking in despite my tardiness :P but warning: the next few days and weeks are going to see erratic and irregular postings, as I'll be 'gainfully employed' with other matters. But keep the faith in this blogger ;)

Ok shall do a quick digest of the past week's happenings:

Monday
Doomsday has come in the form of Tax Planning (aptly ironic how the only 2 certainties in this world are death and taxes...). YL did warn us that out of the 4 questions in Section B (we were to choose 3), 2 would be computational, and the other 2 would be discussive, and out of the 2 computational questions, 1 would be particularly difficult. I read Qn 3 (Qns 1 and 2 belonged to Section A), saw that it SEEMED straightforward and short, especially in contrast to Qn 5, which was so long and convulted that the words swam before me, so I happily chose Qn 3, 4 and 6. And guess what? Yes yes, Murphy's Law applies - Qn 3 was the difficult computational question, and yes yes, my answer was totally off-tangent. But well, in the good and the bad, God is good, and I'm just going to let go and leave it in His hands. :)

Went home straight after that to piah the case for the GE interview. God already gave me inspiration for the concept (my sports cafe is to be called "Ballistic!") as well as the strategy to adopt, but I had problems with balancing the figures. At this point, help came in the form of Dad and Mum, who forsook their early night's rest to encourage me and guide me along. Thank God for parents :) Well, as for me, I went to bed at about 5.15am...

Tuesday
And woke up at about 8plus to finish up on some last min details that I believe the Lord brought to my remembrance. So, with 3 hours of sleep, but in the power of the Holy Spirit (that makes all the difference), I went in for the GE interview.

To be very honest, it was extremely tough. I was bombarded with questions that highlighted some key aspects that were neglected, and my answers, to me at least, sounded a bit lame. But well, from past experience, what I thought went badly, God turned around for good, so when I left GE tower, I just laid it all down before God and gave it into His hands. Whether the GE position is to come is all within His will for my life, which is always perfect. So, let go and let God lah.

Went to church for YM prayer after that. I love the kids lah, so raw and yet so willing to be used of God. That's what makes the difference - availability, not ability. Though of course there were a lot of last-min organisational details to be worked out, but beyond that, the Holy Spirit's gonna take over. In the long run, it's not the activities that are going to count, but the transformation work He's going to do in the lives. So - all in His hands!

After that, in the evening, was music practice for Pentacost Friday. Physically quite zonked by then, but the Holy Spirit is my strength.

Wednesday
Woke up early to go to Macs to have breakfast with God (devotion over coffee and bread :)), and incidentally met Regina and Nelson there. Decided not to be legalistic, so I set my pen and paper aside and just enjoyed the fellowship. It was good :)

The first part of OneWayUp went well, aside from the inevitable hiccups. Yep quite a number of things were overlooked and forgotten (e.g. a whistle, which is very important given that the games are played in a big field. Shouting is no joke.) Yet what heartens me is the fortitude and excellent attitude shown by the 1WU com. None of them threw tantrums or got angry (though frustration, there was :)), and stuck it through. Excellent bunch :)

And God did an amazing thing in holding back the rain! It started to drizzle a bit, but we made faith declarations that it is not going to rain, and left it as that, because we know the God we serve is bigger than nature :) And yep, as expected, it didn't rain :) God is good!

Had to run off to GE halfway through though (yep, brought my jacket, shoes, makeup, the whole works, and lugged a huge brown paper bag while managing to balance on my heels). Had a meeting with SK and S in GE for them to sound me out further re the FMP as to whether I'll be a good fit, both for their sakes as well as my own. The meeting did end on a good note though, and we even ended up talking a bit about church! How awesome is that? hehe..

Went back, changed, had some time to rest before YM service at night. And MAN was it AWESOME!!! I know SOMETHING happened in 165 Upper East Coast Road - DESTINY happened! I KNOW that the young people caught a vision beyond themselves, into who they can be in God, and I KNOW now they are really going to RISE up - ONE WAY UP! They are so so inspiring lah. Esp seeing the worship team, E & L, the emcees, the kids acting.... all of them so precious, and bursting with potential in Him! Am SO excited at what is to come!!!

And most importantly - SALVATION happened! That makes it all worth it! One more soul in God's kingdom - the heavens are rejoicing!!! And I KNOW that that's but a glimmer of the many more souls to come!

Thursday
The whole bunch of us stayed over at PM's place (so cute to see the little bodies sprawled all over the place. I had the small square on the staircase hehe). Slept probably less than 1 hour in effect, but well, the Holy Spirit's empowerment is enough man :) We did morning PT, then came back to pray for our schools. Another power power time of just seeking God. And hearing the impressions that the young ones shared - WOW! God is truly raising up a generation of young people who will choose to love God and people radically!!! Words cannot begin to describe the excitement I feel in my spirit lah :)

The afternoon was spent in Sentosa (Amazing-Race style ;)). Again, God did the amazing thing of holding back the rain despite an initial slight drizzle. Believe it's because His young people dared to believe and trust in their God :) But by this point, you could see the exhaustion and tiredness on the faces. Everyone was so stoned on the way back from Sentosa to Singapore, so cute lah :)

As for me, the moment I reached home, no lah I didn't immediately conk out, had to go bathe etc first, but when I did go to bed, to my surprise I didn't fall asleep on first contact with the pillow. I actually did take a while in getting to sleep. Maybe it's the idea of such overwhelming fatigue to the point where one cannot sleep cos one is too tired. But well, eventually sleep did come.....

Friday
Kinda lazed around in the morning to rest (woke up at the godly hour of 8plus. Body clock still intact, apparently ;)), before heading to uni for alumni meeting. It was nice to be able to catch up with the rest (and esp to count my blessings for not having started work yet. The horror stories that were shared...... having time now is good :P).

Had a chance meeting with the Israeli professor (who taught Accounting Theory and was lugging home the huge stack of exam scripts from the AT exam in the morning) who was walking out of SMU at the same time as I was (had never met him before prior to this). We actually had a rather deep and interesting conversation, and it's so timely to have met him, considering that I'm going to Israel on 13 June too (too bad he's only going back home in July, or else my brother and I can probably go look him up there). He says that Israel is cooler than Singapore in terms of weather - sure hope so :)

Had Pentacost Friday in the evening. I was really zonked then, and I think I actually 'blanked out' a few times while playing :O But like what was shared during the musicians' debrief, God moved despite ourselves. The Holy Spirit was there, and that makes all the difference :)

Something rather strange happened at night when I was home though. I was in my room, about to go to bed. During this time I was SMSing A and M, both who were going thru rough patches. Then as I was about to sleep, I heard some sounds of battle. I thought my younger brother switched on the TV or something, so I went out of my room to ask him to tone it down. BUT he hadn't switched on the TV, and no volume was coming out from the computer (which he was at). So I thought, ok, maybe it's my older brother. But his room was shut, and there wasn't any sound coming out of his room. Weird. So I went back to my room, lay back on my bed, and again I heard the sounds of battle. And that's where the Holy Spirit revealed to me - this is the time of spiritual battle. Felt the need to intercede for A and M in tongues, and so I did, until I felt the release, and then the sounds stopped, and I went to bed.

Audio visions, coolness plus!

Saturday
Had another early start today. Went to Macs early for morning devotion over bread and coffee, and then headed to church for music practice at 9am. Again, it was entirely the Lord's sustainence. Wouldn't have made it through without His supernatural empowering, especially physically.

Immediately following that was Gift of Love (our food distribution project to a block of single-room flats in Bedok). Again, another awesome time. God opened doors (literally!) for us to enter into homes and speak to them and bless them, and get to know them better. But more importantly, we had 2 salvations!!! Woohoo! It's all God lah!!!

After that, here's the sequence of events, each in quick succession:
2.40pm: Celebrated YH's birthday at Siglap Macs
3.00pm: Caught up with L at Siglap Starbucks over coffee
4.15pm: Prayer meeting in church
5.00pm: Pre-service practice
5.30pm: Service

And the service was power. Believe God did a transforming work in our midst, that the response to the altar call was not jus tmerely a physically response, but one that was made with a firm decision to truly carry the cross for Christ. God spoke through PM, and I know the youth were challenged to really get serious in running the race for Him, because what's ahead is going to be challenging, stretching, but definitely exciting, and worth all the blood, sweat and tears!

After service I also had a chat with another youth, A. He's such a sweetheart lah, his childlike desire to draw closer to God and to hear Him more clearly is so touching and inspirational. No wonder Jesus said in Mt 18:3 - "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." So wonderful to know we can always draw near to God, our Papa, no holds barred, but to freely come into His presence and know that He'll NEVER turn us away, because He loves us more than we can ever even begin to comprehend!

Day 9 of the Brain Fast
Actually, it's been pretty alright this week, given the full program of events, so not that much time to read other things anyway. The closest thing would probably be the resting time on Friday, but as I continued to read Peter Youngren's book on healing and listen to Hillsong United's new CD, my rest and renewal came :)

Am so so looking forward to church camp next week! It won't really be a holiday lah (I'll be laying piano, backup singing, leading one of the morning prayer meetings), but that's good!Because I'm really expecting for God to move and speak in a fresh new way to our church. Holy Spirit come!

P/S A pimple has chosen to appear on my right cheek, but nothing a little strategic positioning of the hair can't fix :)

2005-05-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

With the request from a friend (Hi, R :)), I shall make it a point to document my "brain-fast"...

(Oh my you won't believe it, my tax prof just called me on the handphone to clarify my tax questions! At 11.57pm! Eeks... but better late than never eh...)

Anyway, back to serious stuff :)

Day 3 (28 May)
It is surprisingly harder than expected. As I sat in my beanbag, yearning to take a break from NOR and IPCs, I so wanted to take refuge in the Life! section, or at least whip out TODAY to take a look at the day's headlines (as well as Mr Brown's witty commentary). But instead, I grabbed hold of Peter Youngren's You Can Receive Healing Today, as well as John Maxwell's Be All You Can Be. And it was like God speaking directly to me - every single word hit! And what better way to be refreshed, than to hear Him speaking to you at your point of need. Once again I thank God for the Holy Spirit, my Comforter and Friend, who truly works in ways I never expect.

Day 4 (29 May aka Today)
Have never felt the attacks on the mind so acutely as today. Not just with thoughts of reading the secular (today's Lifestyle! was mocking me from my kitchen), but with a deluge of negativity. I'm just beginning to understand how the mind is satan's stronghold. I dunno if I should feel scared or privileged to be attacked so - cos satan won't bother with those that aren't a threat. So, in a sense, I must be doing something right. And yet, the Word does warn us to "be careful if we think we're standing firm, lest we fall".

And to be honest - I succumbed, twice.

And now I rest in His grace, thoroughly ashamed, made more fully aware of my weakness, and of His unmerited favour towards me in saving me this wretched soul. Yes, I'm wretched, once lost, but now found, not because I did anything to deserve it, but simply because He, in His unfanthomable love, chose to reach out to me, touch me, and hold me. Closer than a friend, warmer than a father - He's my Papa God. I feel so unworthy - I choose to hide under the shadow of His wings, in the palm of His hand, in the folds of His embrace. To submit myself anew, to His renewing and His love and His peace that surpasses all understanding that will guard my heart and MIND in Christ Jesus.

Lord, I can't fight this battle alone. I need you Lord. Holy Spirit, I need Your power, to truly be an overcomer, that my victory may be testament to Your reality and goodness!

2005-05-27T13:15:00.000+08:00

Do you know that it's physically impossible for a pig to look up into the sky?

Hence the phrase "wallow in self-pity".

The cure: look UP!

Kopi-meter: 2 x + 1 x

2005-05-26T12:32:00.000+08:00

Today I start on my 40-day fast.

Fast not in the conventional (from food) sense, but in the intellectual, thought-life sense.

But a fast from all the literature that I normally take refuge in, i.e. 8 Days, TODAY, Life!, Lifestyle, ST pullouts, magazines, etc.

In other words, the only real reading I'll do will be of the Bible and of Christian literature.

The fast also extends to music - only Christian music.

For the next 40 days (ending on the momentous 4 July :P), I'm going to seek to 'renew my mind' and soak in only His thoughts, His ways, His voice, Him.

Call it "intellectual detoxification" if you may. Am quite tired of always responding in a knee-jerk way, to circumstances and surroundings. No more.

Instead, my foundation is God. My direction and guidance to my actions are not based on what I see, but based on faith, on solely His leading and guidance, so that even if it may be foolish in the eyes of man or religion, it is God's wisdom, and that's what I want.

So today is Day 1. I chose not to bring out TODAY or the Urban pullout from ST. And perhaps, it's somewhat apt that I'm choosing to do this on the day that 8 Days comes out. To start off with a break from the normal routine of sinking into my bed with the mag and immersing in the world of gossip and of the stars.

Yah, seems harmless. But satan's strength is subtlety.

So, my 'input replacement', besides the Word, is this book "The Jesus I Never Knew" by Philip Yancey. Am really looking forward to this journey of discovering who Jesus REALLY is and how He's REALLY like. Pretty timely, too, that I'm going to Israel in June. Nothing beats seeing where Jesus lived and walked, firsthand. Brings a whole new perspective to what I read in the Word.

Really don't want my walk to be founded on a stereotypical image or 'statue' of who I think Jesus is like, but from afar. I want to get into His shoes, to feel His feelings, to know how and why He made certain decisions and did the things that He did.

I want to know Christ. Holy Spirit, open my eyes, that I may truly see.

Kopi-meter: 1 x

2005-05-21T00:44:00.000+08:00

It's so good to know we never walk alone :)

But seriously, without Him in my life, walking by my side and holding my hand in the good and the bad, I really dunno what I'll do. When I want to share my joy with someone, He's there. When I need assurance, He's there. When I'm stressed and need to talk to someone, He's there. Whenever, wherever, He's there. Always there. Talk about boyfriend? He's even better, cos He's around 24/7, 365! How to live without Him? Unfathomable. He is the reason for my being. The only One who can truly satisfy my longing for intimacy. He loves me for who I am not what I do, and He's the One that gives me true value and worth as one loved oh so deeply and truly by Him.

To have Him as my Abba Father, to be His precious child. That's all I need!

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 1 x

2005-05-12T13:46:00.000+08:00

I'm not so bad lah :)

But I DO thank God for coffee...hehe.

It's been a crazy past few days of piahing for the tax presentation tomorrow. Come to think of it, it's quite a feat that my group has managed to come out with an entire DTA within a span of 3 weeks! It's a source of satisfaction in itself man...

But beyond that, what I find more joy in is having been used by Him to speak into the lives of the young people. It's so amazing when the Holy Spirit uses us as His mouthpiece. Preaching doesn't become stressful anymore - we just step up, step back, and let Him speak through us and He be glorified, and He does the rest! We just have to open our mouths and speak the words that He wants to speak, without any addition, subtraction or modification.

Well, this Sat I'm expecting Him to move so powerfully, but very importantly, to really go before me. It's really one more step further in faith in Him, given that my class in uni will end exactly 30mins before youth service starts. Humanly, it'll be like "AHHHH", but when the Holy Spirit already has the words and the message, I just have to show up and just make sure that I, as the messenger, am prepared, so that I can be the vessel that He can use.

Oh Lord, need you so so so so much. Can't go through life without You. So awesome to know that I'm never alone, but we're PARTNERS! Where You go, I'm with You Lord!

Kopi-meter: 1 x

2005-05-06T20:46:00.000+08:00

1.5 hours of pure tax computation just over. Phew. All for a 10% portion of the grade. But well, the little things do count still :)

Just realised that I haven't posted in a while - can't believe how hectic it's been, even though the normal term's over! But it is a good time of catching up on other important matters :)

Yesterday was Dad's 60th birthday - 050505! Way cool eh? And yes, it does coincide with Disney's birthday celebration too - wah Disney commemorating my Dad leh hehe ;) Anyway, we did a simple birthday video for him as a family (in my research for the video, I found out so many things about the year 1945. For instance, it was the end of WWII, and was the year F.D. Roosevelt passed away, as well as the year oral penicillin was developed!). But most importantly, I believed he liked it, and will treasure it a lot :)

K, gonna go rest abit before preparing for tomorrow's youth service. It's gonna be another deeper level of knowing Him!

Oh, one last thing - I'll be going to Israel with my elder brother! Yeah! Really can't wait for that... Aside from being a good break, I believe it sure is going to be eye-opening :)

Kopi-meter: 1.5 x + 1 x

2005-04-27T22:53:00.000+08:00

I still can't believe I worked at the tax project for 6 straight hours today.

Sanity preserved by God's grace :P

Kopi-meter: 0.75 x + 3 x

2005-04-26T22:58:00.000+08:00

Haha if only right :)

Well now with exams over and one course left, things are a lot better. Now's the period of catching up on all the other things that have been left on the bench during the hectic past term. Seems like many balls, but I shall remember the recent revelation of doing what is important, not what is urgent. So easy sometimes to get caught up in the nitty gritty of the moment, that one can actually look back at the day and wonder if it has been truly fruitful.

So timely, an article on this came in today:

"We are called to be fruitful - not successful, not productive, not accomplished.
Success comes from strength, stress, and human effort.
Fruitfulness comes from vulnerability and the admission of our own weakness."
- Henri Nouwen

What a good perspective to take. Truly, it's only when I am weak, that I am truly strong.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit who leads and guides us through each day and enable us to be truly fruitful in all senses of the word.

Kopi-meter: 0.5 x + 4 x

2005-04-21T21:59:00.000+08:00

I love bread!

"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God." -- so just give me the 2, and I'll be one happy girl :P

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 2 x

2005-04-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

Am sure glad that I didn't have to do that in order to go out with Mum today :)

We went shopping in Suntec for office wear (finally got a nice fitting jacket, among loads of other things), but I think what I enjoyed more was to finally be able to catch up with her and just chat with her on the stuff that's been going on in my life, especially regarding the career decision. I know that Mum and Dad will be supporting me in prayer, and it continues to be my desire that the final career path chosen is one that Dad and Mum are also at peace with. I know God will grant me that, because it's in line with what the Bible says about honouring parents - don't think He'll lead me to a door within His will, that would not be agreeable to my parents, who are spiritually attuned to the Holy Spirit in their own right too. So while I'm praying for God to keep only those doors that are within His will open, I know one way He'll guide me is through my parents.

And yes, I cling on to the impression that He laid upon my heart about embarrassing me with His goodness in guiding me to the job that'll accomplish His purposes for my life during this season of the journey. Can't wait to look back and stand in amazement of His faithfulness and omniscience! As for now, it is tough, the daily steps of faith with a fuzzy future, but at the same time, like a toddler taking uncertain steps, I know that when I continue to look to my Daddy with outstretched arms, He's right there nearby, ready to catch me and envelope me in His arms.

God is good!

Kopi-meter: 0.75 x + 3 x

2005-04-18T19:31:00.000+08:00

At 3pm today, a monumental step was taken by Singapore. The official word: Yes, to the casino on our shores. Not just 1 though, but 2. To capture more revenue, of course.

Perhaps I was hoping against hope that it wouldn't come to be. But I guess it's also a fulfilment of the signs of the end times. Just as the only constant is change, economic progress inevitably triumphs in the end.

But at what cost?

Building 'gambling addiction counselling centres' to help our society deal with the potential problems that may arise from gambling - wouldn't it be a case of closing the barn door after the house has already escaped then? Too little, too late? Do we learn nothing from all these proverbs?

Perhaps I'm making too big a deal out of all this. But one thing's for sure - me & my future family are gonna stay clear of Marina Bay and Sentosa. Hopefully, the same won't be said of Singapore.

Hopefully.

Kopi-meter: 0.5 x + 3 x

2005-04-17T20:57:00.000+08:00

Am so thankful that I don't need an Internet connection in order to have a conversation with God :)

We had such an awesome and excellent weekend man. Prayer mtg at 4.15pm was PACKED, and R delivered such a power and timely sermon. Above all, the stirring of the Holy Spirit was so strong on both Sat & Sun. Am really excited, yet a part of me knows that this is not the time to hold back, but to really let go and go all out - and that's not an easy thing to do. Uncertainty can breed fear, and fear can cripple one into staying put even when everything else says "move it!" But thank GOD that He did NOT give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of POWER, LOVE and SELF DISCIPLINE. And that comes from keeping both eyes fixed, not on the choppy waters around the boat, but on the Lord calling us to step out of the boat into His arms.

When You say "step out on the water"
And they say it can't be done
We'll fix our eyes on You
And we will come

Kopi-meter: 0.5 x + 2 x

2005-04-15T23:09:00.000+08:00

Time for mine.

Freedommm mm mm zzz zzzzzzzzzzz...

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 3 x

2005-04-14T16:58:00.000+08:00

The wonders of wireless technology.

Am now at Siglap Macs typing this. Was actually quite (pleasantly) surprised that this outlet has Internet access, initially thought that only the bigger outlets had this. Too bad it's only gonna be free till end of April though....maybe they'll let 'loyal' customers continue using the wireless Internet for free (though I wonder how 'loyal' I'm counted, given that I only order either coffee or tea from here. Scared off by Supersize Me? :P).

Just finished my IT & the Law paper this morning. Think I could have drafted my answers a lot better, but well, am not gonna dwell upon it, no point :) just leave it and let God.

Can't believe that this week's already gonna end (though I've really been looking forward to it). For some of my friends, it'll be the last week of their lives as students (for me, I'm prolonging the 'dream' - since work's probably gonna be another challenge :P - till end of May). Gonna miss hanging out with them and seeing them around. But well, there are always reunions...and emails :)

Speaking of which, I've suddenly had increased email correspondence with old friends...particularly with my best friend! Am so happy for that...really miss her lah (and I know she's probably reading this hehe). Thank God for technology. Would rather view it as a tool rather than a master. Though I wonder how realistic this can be in many households with teenagers whose fingers are more active on the keyboard and mouse than in flipping a book or writing a sum. Less vindictive than, say, gun control, but still. One wonders.

Well, shall start revising for the final paper tomorrow.

Yep, you guessed it - Strategy @ 1430h. Freedom @ 1730h (!!!).

Kopi-meter: 1 x

2005-04-13T21:14:00.000+08:00

IT & the Law exam. 9am tomorrow. 2 essay questions within 2 hours.

Can do! :)

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 2 x

2005-04-12T21:50:00.000+08:00

As in the words of my Law & Int'l Business professor (whose exam I'm incidentally taking tomorrow) - onto my date with destiny!

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 2 x

2005-04-11T23:43:00.000+08:00

Feelin' kinda nutty right now.

Probably attributed to:
1) the chockful of peanuts, cashew nuts, sunflower kernels, roasted grams, wasabi green peas that I pigged out on in the past 5 hours (guess who can't complain about the 2 huge acne residing in that strategic space between the eyebrows above the nose); or
2) the Law & Int'l Business stuff that are detained behind the aforementioned space (erm hopefully? :P).

But well. For some strange reason I feel like I'm losing weight though I'm definitely snacking more during this period leading up to my exams. Well hey, shan't complain man, rather this than vice-versa.

Time for shut-eye. Resting knowing I'm in His embrace, best place to be.

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 0.5 x + 3 x

2005-04-08T23:11:00.000+08:00

Grant me sound sleep Lord. I rest in You.

2005-04-07T23:46:00.000+08:00

Just ate 1.25l worth of yoghurt...haha :)

God is so good. Had a fruitful time with V at Suntec Macs again. Amazing how one can concentrate better outside, noisy hustle-and-bustle of crowds notwithstanding, than in the quietness of home. Think it's the allure of the bed. But perhaps it's a good thing, so that when one does reach home, the room doesn't remind one of work anymore, but of unwinding and rest. Goes to show how the SOHO concept requires much discipline on the employee's part. Still, I'll much prefer to have an own-time-own-target kind of job; I value flexibility a fair bit, and guard control over my own time quite jealously, but it remains to be seen if this is a realistic expectation on my part as a fresh grad. Anyway, He knows what I need better than even myself sometimes...so just commit it to Him lah.

K time to snooze, Tax Planning tomorrow at 8.30am. Joy of the Lord be my strength :P

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 1 x + 1.5 x

2005-04-07T12:17:00.000+08:00

Psalms 37

1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

Speaks of the fleeting nature of this world and what many people around us are pursuing. Solomon's words of "all is vanity" comes to mind.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

I think this provides very good guidance. With the knowledge that God's promises are available to us but also contingent on whether we lay hold of them by our obedience and faith in applying His Word, I see 4 areas to be practically applied to harness the power of His Word, particularly the promises that this Psalm possesses:

1) Trust in the Lord

Speaks for itself :) a reminder to everyday, reject every doubt planted by satan into the mind, and keep both eyes fixed on His promises, and be careful not to let human rationalisation take over, becos man's wisdom is really limited and myopic in comparison with what God knows, Him who sees past, present and way into the future, and knows what happens even before they do.

2) Do good

Mt 6:33 leaps to mind - seeking God's kingdom and righteousness first. It's not so much abt the 'doing', ie empty religion, obligations, rituals. But what counts is in doing that which God has called us to do, and to lead righteous lives, i.e. living by faith, not by doubt.

3) Dwell in the land

I believe this means dwelling in God's land, i.e. in His paths for us. Not in our own land, but in God's land, the land that He has already set aside for us. Only when we are in His land can we enjoy His blessings that come when we are under His coverage.

4) Enjoy safe pasture

Pasture = grass = provision. Thus this means to enjoy God's provision, as opposed to relying on our own provision (our own strength, striving), or even looking elsewhere for provision (people, situations). To draw all that we need from Him!

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

THIS nails it. The ongoing struggle btwn what we want, and what God wants for us. But the verse is clear - when we delight ourselves in the Lord, ie just letting Him and His plans take precedence over ours, and taking joy in that knowledge, He'll in turn grant us our desires - not what we THINK we want, but what He knows we, in the innermost part of our hearts, really desire. Ie there's the distinction btwn superficial position-based approach (i.e. I want a job with A, B, C, D criteria) and a deeper, interest-based approach (i.e. I want a job that meets my W, X, Y, Z interests and needs and desires).

5 Commit your way to the LORD ;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

Though we may, at the moment, walk in the darkness of uncertainty, the promise is this, that in time, our journey of faith (because it's faith that credits us righteousness) will bring illumination and clarity, not only in our own life, but it'll also become a testimony to those around us, ie the justice of our cause will be revealed so strongly, like the noonday sun, that they may know the Jesus that we trust in and uphold.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret-it leads only to evil.

"Do not fret" is repeated THRICE in this passage alone (also in the very first verse!) - I think this is becos God knows that though we initially say that we'll trust in Him, we tend to start worrying again when we see the people around us making decisions that seem so sound in the human rationale (ie choosing this job, pursuing this career prospect), and we ourselves seem to be languishing in the ambiguity of walking by faith. BUT we are called not to fret, ie not to worry, but to hold onto God's promises by being still before Him (shutting out all the cacophony of opinions and voices that bombard us from all sides as to what we should do), and wait patiently for Him (for His promises to come to pass), and not to worry even though others may seem to succeed. It is also impt that we 'refrain from anger and turn from wrath', I think esp towards God, i.e. bitterness and anger in saying "Why are You taking so long Lord? Why not now? Why don't I see things happening now?? What's happening?". The Bible is clear - don't worry, cos it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

There we go - though man may mock us and say, "That's a really dumb decision to make, putting God first...You're wasting your youth / prime years away!" BUT we know that all things man-made are temporary, but what LASTS is the inheritance that comes only from the Lord as a result of hoping in HIM and being humble before Him in wanting HIS will to be done (cos pride = self = wanting our way first becos we deem it best).

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

This is esp when we see others in the world succeeding despite being unscrupulous or pursuing the world and what it offers. But God is our help and our 'backer' - we have no fear! Justice will be done - not by us, but by the Lord, who is our Avenger :)

16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.
18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD ,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish-vanish like smoke.

Again, there's a lot more desirability in God's inheritance as opposed to the world's wealth - God's inheritance is not only enduring, it persists on even during times of famine! Like how, though everyone around us may not be doing well, somehow we still manage to perform far above expectations! And that's not thru anything that we do, but simply because we enjoy the grace of God's favour that comes from living in His land and enjoying His pasture! As opposed to the world's wealth, which may seem really desirable at the point in time, but like the beauty of the fields, instant gratification's beauty is so fleeting - it never does last.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.

Good reminder for us to keep asking ourselves - are we always expecting to receive from others, or are we always looking out for ways to bless other people? Somehow I realise that the times I choose to focus on the latter are the times where my needs, put aside, are always miraculously met, even without me purposely focusing on addressing them. It's weird - but that's how wonderful 'God's mysterious ways' are :)

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

I think this is an awesome promise. If God is pleased with us and our lives, even if sometimes we falter and make mistakes, He makes sure we don't fall, but holds us firmly up, and partners with us in keeping on going. He's an awesome person to do a 3-legged race with hehe :)

25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.
27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

There we go - a reiteration of God's promises of the protection and blessing that comes from trusting in God and dwelling in the land we may inherit by virtue of our position as His children!

30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.
32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;
33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

I.e. when we are challenged by others because of our faith, God will never forsake us and leave us to be pummelled by the opposition. I'm quite sure that during those times, He'll miraculously provide us with the words to say or the actions to take, in emerging victorious and bringing glory to His name!

34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

Again, the reinforcement comes - to be PATIENT for God, and to meanwhile keep His way, i.e. just doing what He's called us to do, irregardless of what the world says or dictates success or progress to be. As a result, He'll raise us up to inherit the land, i.e. He'll be the one to pave the way for promotion. Feels good that we don't have to strive to make that happen - it automatically comes as a result of resting in the Lord and walking in His ways. And those people whom seem to succeed around us by following the ways of the word may also suddenly find that true lasting success or happiness wasn't there in the first place...

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.
37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future of the wicked will be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD ;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Heb 13:6 / Ps 118:6-7)

2005-04-06T19:27:00.000+08:00

Yawn.

Woke up at 4+am last night, and couldn't get back to sleep. Dunno why I was so hyper-active. My body was tired, but my mind kept on racing. But haiyah, God is good and sustains me :)

Can't believe it's already been a week since I last posted. Just finished another presentation on Tuesday, marking the end of my normal term in SMU. Day by day my lifespan as a student grows shorter...can't help but feel nostalgic, you know? But can't dwell too long there, everyday brings fresh dreams and fresh opportunities too! Shall not "live yesterday or tomorrow at the cost of today" :)

Also just sent in my resume to F&S. Am supposed to go for a walk-in interview on 22 April, but am hoping to shift it further back so that the results for the GE application can come in too, then I can make a more informed choice. But well, que sera sera, leave it in God's hands, one step at a time lah.

Alrighty shall go rest a bit before studying a bit more later...was studying with V at Suntec Macs today. Not too bad, managed to cover 6 chapters of reading while munching on BT's sunflower seed bun...yummy...but now still feel like snacking on something....mouth itchy hehe :)

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 1 x + 2 x

2005-03-29T22:43:00.000+08:00

It's weird how life is.

Sometimes you just want the time to pass so fast (e.g. during a boring lecture, when stuck on a bus with TV mobile blaring and 44 more mins of Just Kidding reruns to go, when you're so overwhelmed with projects and deadlines that if only the holidays were already here), you wish you could take the hands of a master clock and spin them forward.

But then there are the other times - when the lectures and projects are over, signaling the end of a term. Or the end of a 4-year journey where friends and memories were made in tough and tender moments.

And it was such a time today, when I finished my Strat presentation at 9.15am. Immediately a rush of relief flooded my being, but when I whipped out my digicam to take a group shot after class, the realisation hit - I won't be seeing these friends anymore, except during the taking of the exam, and then we all go our different ways. Some for grad trips, some to work, some back to school (like me, still stuck in the modified term :P).

But no more meeting at Ficus during lunchtime and hoarding the powerplug for the charging of laptops, no more laughter and passionate discourses over coffee as to how BT can compete more effectively, no more discussions on other things like life and love.

And it's not just them I'll be missing, but an entire batch moving on to the next phase of life, into different corporate worlds or different family developments (as of now, I know of 7-8 of my peers who are getting married this year alone!).

Some say it's a quarter-life crisis. Well, whatever it's called, I will miss the days of youth (not that I'm o** :P), and while I'm excited about what is to come, I will treasure the memories of yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Kopi-meter: 0.5 x + 1 x + 3 x

2005-03-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

Can't believe it's already the end of the mid-week. The days seem to pass so fast now. But really praise God for today, it was super fruitful. Answer to my prayer during this morning's devotion :)

At least with the Strat test and Nego journal over and done with yesterday (can't believe it was only yesterday, it felt like a few days ago!), I can concentrate on my other projects. Today I had a meeting for LIB over lunch, then went for the MA workshop, then went to OCS to do the MAPP profiling test. Would be interesting to see the results for that one, i.e. what kind of job suits me, though there was a price to pay ($30!). Tonight I just cleared the Strat compiled slides too (it was actually quite fun doing it :)). Didn't expect it to take about 3 hours, but it feels good having finished all that. Tomorrow's another round of work, but I'll deal with it when it comes. Matthew 6:34. :)

Oh, the mystery of the erratic cursor was solved today too! Today it went really wacko while I was in Ficus, so I decided to pop down to CIT to get the problem solved once and for all. During my 1st trip there, the guy also didn't really know what was wrong, and sent me back after reinstalling some of the drivers. But when I went back to Ficus, I realised that the moment I plugged in the power, the cursor started to act all strange again. Figured there must be some connection there (though it definitely didn't make sense then), so went back to CIT with my suspicions that the cursor was affected by my plugging in the power, cos it worked perfectly fine when my laptop was running on batteries. And guess what? The culprit was my adaptor! The technician, on plugging in my laptop, detected an abnormal sound emitting from my adaptor, and sure enough, when he used his own adaptor, the cursor on my laptop worked fine!

Amazing how the solution can be so straightforward.

Well, while waiting for CIT to check if they can change my adaptor, I'll be using Mum's laptop adaptor for now. Thank goodness that we have the extra Fujitsu laptop in the house.

K shall go sleep now. Need the shut eye :)

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 1 x [ + ] + 3 x

2005-03-20T21:21:00.000+08:00

Wah my calf muscles are aching like crazy...but with good reason, cos...

Planetshakers rocked Downtown East this weekend!

It was an awesome time. Nothing beats seeing thousands of youth packing the Big White Tent, jumping and praising God with all they've got...except the sight of souls filling the altar and giving their lives to Jesus!

Cos that's what it's all about - beyond the music, beyond the lights, beyond the band, the one Person who's to be lifted so HIGH is JESUS CHRIST.

And God's calling a generation who'd be willing to be passionate for Him - not just during conferences, but daily being committed to the Cross.

I believe with all my heart that the 3 days weren't days of hype with a ministry of information, but those were days of eternal fruit with a ministry of transformation!

I believe that because of the cries and prayers of young people, the nation of Singapore is gonna be so changed and electrified with the power of the Holy Spirit moving among His young people.

I believe Singapore will fulfill its calling to be the Antioch of Asia, through the spearhead of revival - today's generation of young 'uns willing to be radically consecrated and dedicated to the Captain of Hosts and Lover of Souls.

On a personal note, Synergiz! '05 (as the conference is called) was different. It was beyond emotions, beyond the spiritual high, because I wasn't riding on any. I learnt what it meant to give a 'sacrifice of praise', cos so often, even during the praise songs I'd collapse in tears. The weeks have been overwhelming, BUT God is good, and yet I will praise Him, for things both seen and unseen. And it's really by His grace that He spoke words to and through me during the weekend. So often the thoughts of just saying "Nah, I think I'll give it a miss" came, all with valid reasons, but I am so so glad that the Holy Spirit didn't let me get away with that, but enabled me to push through with the decision to make the journey down east... And it was worth it. The call has been renewed, the peace has come. Things are still tough, but I know His grace anew, and, with faith, I know and declare that His mercies are new every morning, and hence I can say I will rejoice always... And again I say rejoice!

Kopi-meter: 0.25 x + 2 x [ + ] + 2 x

2005-03-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

V got accepted as an intern in JP M! Not only that, she was the only one accepted into the firm! She got the news during the break in class, and man, we were all so happy for her. Especially so since it's not only a job, but one she's actually interested in (as opposed to many others who have gotten jobs for the sake of doing so. A reality of life, but it's definitely a welcomed bonus to get a job that one is passionate about!). Am real glad for her, and it also encourages the rest of us who are still in the midst of the job search as well.

Had a good chat with V on the way to the busstop, and she asked me to consider a career in consultancy, which I honestly never considered before. From how she described such jobs, it does sound rather appealing though. Shall go talk to C, who is in A, to find out more about a job in this industry. Perhaps...perhaps...

Well, the Lord did reassure me during my study of DP this morning that He always backs up divine revelation with divine testimony. Though it was in the context of signs and wonders attesting the Gospel, I believe the same rings through for words of revelation that He plants into our lives, especially since God is "not a man that He should lie". Just as He came through for Abraham, against all odds, I know He will come through for me. And while I may plan my way, e.g. going for job interviews and being on the lookout for job openings, He directs my steps, i.e. what I am to do when a decision needs to be made.

Whatever it is, the Lord gives, the Lord takes, blessed be His name!

Kopi-meter: 1 x + 1 x [ + ] + 2 x

2005-03-16T20:52:00.000+08:00

Just finished shooting off some emails for LIB, Strat and MA matters, so now taking a short break before getting onto reading "Getting To Yes" for the Negotiation journal. Much to do, but praise God, I've had a superbly fruitful evening. Now just hoping to catch up on a lot of overdue reading, especially for Strat (quiz on Tue!).

Today I went for the interview with GS. Honestly I wasn't really prepared (I had totally no clue what private wealth management was all about), and went there just as I was (with an additional slight cold). The interview process itself was an experience. Instead of just speaking to one person, as I had initially expected, 3 people interviewed me consecutively. What struck me about the 3 was that they were outspoken, confident, and a tad more aggressive than what I'm used to, but I guess that's my foretaste of the working world, where not everyone's gonna be all nice and polite and gentle with you.

After the 3rd person, I was asked to decide on whether I want to continue seeing more people, which would bring me closer to the internship position, or whether I wanted to leave it off there. Though private wealth management seems like a really interesting and challenging area that I'd otherwise love to take up, I'm not willing to spend 0730h-0000h days in the office, so I made the decision to stop the interview process there.

So I left the interview with a bit more knowledge on private wealth management, some tips on how to improve my resume, but more importantly, an awareness that I need to seriously start considering what I want to do, because I think I came across being rather unsure of what I want. Well, I do know what I don't want - a job in an accounting firm, being a lawyer, and sacrificing inordinate amounts of time that I would need for rest and effective ministry, and some say that's half the battle won. But I myself am increasingly recognising the need for me to go into specifics regarding what I do want, not just in terms of airy-fairy statements like "I like to handle projects", "I want to be part of a team", "I need to be sold out to the cause of the firm" etc. While I definitely wish to join a non-accounting firm, I'm not particular about which industry, nor am I quite sure of what kind of job I'll take up in such a company, though in all likelihood it'll be one of an accountant, at least to begin with.

So many thoughts have been running through my head since I left the GS interview. Some of them were tempting me to just take the easy way out and accept the job in an accounting firm, or to join my university as an academic. BUT that's not what God has placed on my heart the last time I prayed. And though I really don't know how exactly things are going to fall into place, especially in view that reality calls for fresh grads to work long hours in most jobs, YET I want to continue to walk by faith and claim the job that would support the ministry, and which would be an awesome testimony of God's embarrassing goodness to me. It may seem foolish, but God's wisdom can sometimes seem to be foolishness to men, and I don't want to make the mistake of using human rationalisation to fulfil God's plan for me, just as Abraham did initially with Hagar. Guess the key is to continue to be prayerful and to daily abide in the Lord, letting the Holy Spirit guide my every footstep and decision, and trusting the Lord with all my heart without leaning on my own understanding, acknowledging Him in all my ways, and then know that He'll direct my paths as He has promised in Proverbs.

Lead me on, Holy Spirit.

Kuppa-meter: 0.75 x [ + ] + 3 x